Cheyenne

Ty pushed his hand under rough strands of nylon. Closed his fingers tight around deep-cut braids. With his free hand, he pulled hard on the flat rope wrapped around the massive bull underneath him until he felt the blood being cut off from his grip hand. The sides of the chute slammed against his legs each time the bull moved. Every muscle in his body tensed with anticipation. He looked down at the barrel-riding world championship buckle on his waist and whispered This one's for you, honey. Turning his head, Ty gave the gateman a nod. Out in the arena, the voice of Bob Tallman blared from speakers.

"Up next we have a living legend folks, a real treat. Three-time world bull riding champion, Ty Hogg."

The gate opened. The mass of muscle below Ty exploded up. His free hand found the air above his head. The bull came down. His body shot forward. The bull came back up. His grip slipped. Not this time, he promised himself. Lowering his shoulder, he tried to push his arm forward to get his hand back under the rope. In his mind, he heard his father's voice Tell God you ain't falling off today. The bull came down again. His fingers pulled painfully from under the rope. The bull came up again. Then he was in the air, weightless.

His back hit the ground hard. Ty felt the air escape his lungs. Dust bellowed up in clouds all around him. He should already be on his feet running for the fence. He knew he should, but he just couldn't make himself move. Instead, Ty thought of Amanda leaning against the top rail of the fence that surrounded the coral outside their barn. He thought of how blue her eyes were the last time he saw them. The bull was making a fuss somewhere in the distance. He tried to clear his head. Told himself he'd better move. But all he could think of was the heartache he saw in those eyes the last time he told Amanda he was leaving. Through the dust still hovering in the air a pair of hands came down and slid under his shoulders.

"Come on Ty." He felt those hands pulling him up. "You're gonna die out here if you don't help me." Finally, Ty got his legs underneath him and headed for the safety of the wall.

Sipping from the glass of red wine in her hands Amanda felt a familiar dilemma playing out in her mind. Was she really going to do what she'd been thinking? Was she really going to give up? Her phone rang. She took another drink of red wine before she answered. Tom's deep voice came across to her warm and pleasant. Of course, it was Tom. Who else would it be when she was finally ready to say goodbye to Ty? Before she could stop herself. Before she could let herself think too much. She said yes to the same question he'd asked her a hundred times before.

Tom Waters was a good man. He'd been a good friend even if he had been politely waiting for her to walk away from Ty for years so he could have his chance. Ty's never gonna give it up, Amanda. That was Tom's refrain. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was time she stopped waiting and started living again instead of holding on to the memory of a rodeo man who was never coming home.

Amanda set the phone down and finished the rest of her wine. Looking at the bottle she decided she'd have another drink. With a freshly filled glass, Amanda left the front door hanging open to walk to the stable Ty had built for her the summer after the last time he won it all. Inside the stable, she found her Appaloosa George, named after George Strait, waiting for her. George filled the air with a neigh. Coming forward George pushed her long nose out over the wooden bottom of the stall gate. Amanda's hands found their way to the tall horse's cheeks. Then she pressed her forehead against the soft hair on George's muzzle.

"I guess I'm keeping that lawyer's appointment." She said quietly.

Tossing his vest, braided bull rope, and the rest of his gear into the bed of his truck Ty looked back at the arena. The crowd was still cheering inside. Riders were still fighting to stay on bulls. Ty knew he didn't need to stick around to know he wouldn't make the final go. The pats from hands that meant well on the stiff muscles inside his shoulders told him that. The voices he couldn't stop hearing, saying. Don't worry about it, you'll get'em next time, you're still a name in this business. Had reaffirmed it. Opening the door to the black dodge he'd owned since it was new, Ty told himself again he was done. He had been done. He hadn't been willing to admit it before, but he'd known for a while. He could hang on for a couple more years and scrape by if he wanted. But tonight, lying on that arena floor part of him had hoped that bull would find him.

Pulling his phone from his pocket he pressed the side button and waited for the screen to light up. Dead battery, one more thing gone wrong. Before he could think about it, he slammed the phone down on the bed rail of the truck.

Goddamnit. Ty knew the phone was broken before he turned it over to see the cracks on the screen. Tossing the phone on the driver's seat he closed the door and started back across the parking lot.

With each step his boots took across the black asphalt Ty prayed the payphone ahead of him still worked. Reaching the blue and white housing he picked up the receiver and said a silent prayer. Putting it to his ear he listened for a dial tone. Hearing it, a relieved breath escaped from his lips. Holding the receiver between his ear and his shoulder he searched his pockets for quarters. Not finding any, Ty cursed himself. He was going to have to call Collect.

When the phone rang, Amanda's first thought was that it was Tom calling back to make sure she had said yes. Putting down her third glass of wine she wondered why he was calling the house phone and not her cell. Getting up from where she'd been sitting on the front steps as the phone rang a second time, she turned to go back inside the house.

"Hello."

"You have a collect call from~" His voice came across the line. "Ty." The automated operator's voice came back. "Do you accept the charges?" Her heart dropped in her chest. She had known this was coming, but she hadn't thought it was going to be tonight.

"Yes."

"Hold the line please." The phone went silent and part of her hoped the line would disconnect.

"Amanda." Her breath caught. What was she going to say? Screw it, she thought. She was just going to say it. It would be better to give it to him all at once.

"Ty-" His voice cut her off.

"Amanda wait. I need to tell you something. Something I should have said a long time ago." Ty went quiet and she waited. "I'm sorry it's taken me this long. I'm sorry for so many things. I don't even know where to begin, but let me try. Then I'll listen to anything you want." Ty stopped again and she knew he was waiting for her to tell him she'd listen. Lowering her head, she exhaled a strangled breath.

"Ok." The air was silent then she heard him say.

"It's cold out here, Amanda and I'm all alone. I don't think I've ever been this alone. I don't know how I went this long without you." Her heart sank further in her chest. Amanda never knew what Ty's calls would bring. With a cowboy like him, it could be anything. She always expected the worst. A flash from the night they called to tell her a bull had rolled up on his leg came into her mind. If Ty said what she thought he was about to, it was going to be more than she could handle.

"I didn't make the short go again, and I'm coming home. I know I didn't write or call the way I should have all these years, but I'm ready to make up for it now. I just want to make you happy, again." Amanda felt the knot in her stomach twist tighter.

"I know this rodeo has been hard on us all, but I'll be home soon. This time I promise it'll be for good." Tears ran down her cheeks in tiny streams. She wiped away the moisture and tried to keep the sobs from her voice.

"Don't bother coming home. Your place in my life will be gone by the time you get here. There's somebody new and he sure ain't no rodeo man. " Panic filled her lungs. The world felt like it might go black, and she might just faint right there on the floor beneath her.

"I'm sorry it's come down to this." His voice broke and so did her heart. "There's so much about you I'm gonna miss. But it's alright." The line went quiet again, then he said. "I gotta go now, if I hurry, I can still make Cheyenne." She started to say something, but there was nothing she could say that was going to make this better.

"I gotta go now, Amanda. If I hurry, I can still make Cheyenne." Ty repeated not knowing what else to say. Then he left the phone dangling off the hook, sank down to the pavement, and rested his back against the base of the phone. Taking his Stetson from his head he laid it on his knees. His hands found the rocks covered in tar on either side of him. Looking at the belt buckle she had given him years ago he felt a tear rolling down his cheek. He had hurt her too many times. In the back of his mind, he had always known it was going to come to this. Looking up at the stars twinkling in the Oklahoma Sky, his mind drifted back to the first time he saw Amanda at the Apache Junction Fair Grounds when they were both just kids.

Amanda's ocean-blue eyes captured Ty the first time he saw them. She was beautiful in a way he’d never seen. With her long red hair shining in the sun above the hard pack and dust of the Arizona ground. Ty felt his heart leap a mile high in his chest when he looked at her. He barely noticed her Appaloosa as she led the horse past. His elbow slipped from the metal tube rail he was leaning against. His knees faltered and he had to catch himself before he lost his balance. But that didn't stop him from watching the way her hips swayed as she continued toward the arena grounds. Ty kept looking in her direction for a long time after she was gone from sight.

The rest of the afternoon Ty couldn't get the girl with the Appaloosa off his mind. He almost missed one of his rides so he could watch her get her horse ready for their next race. The first time he saw her ride he knew his heart was gone.

Ty wasn't thinking about the bulls when he kept moving up the leaderboard. He didn't care when he won. He just wanted to know where the pretty girl with long red hair was. Leaving that night Ty thought fate had smiled on him when he saw her loading her horse onto the trailer behind her parent's Chevy dually.

Ty didn't think twice. Just turned his boots to where she was, told himself to cowboy up, and didn't look back. Each step he took felt like destiny coming to life inside him.

When Ty got to the corner of her horse trailer, she must have heard him because she turned and hit him with those striking blue eyes. He froze where he was for a brief second before he found his courage.

"My name's Ty." A smile that looked like everything he'd ever wanted spread across her face.

"I know who you are. All the girls do. You're that boy the bulls can't throw."

The road wandered on beyond his eyes. His chest felt hollow with every breath he took. How had it come to this? All the nights they'd spent together, the memories they'd shared. He couldn't believe he'd let Amanda slip away. If it meant he could have her back he'd throw every day, he ever had in the rodeo out of the window beside him.

Somewhere off in the darkness ahead that Wyoming line waited for him. As the hours passed Ty barely noticed the time. There were so many memories of her to go through. The way she danced around the barrels. The way her body felt against his.

Closing his eyes, Ty wondered what would happen if he didn't open them again and just let the truck drift off the road. Instead of keeping them closed Ty opened his eyes back up and thought of the night he'd asked Amanda to be his wife.

Dirt flew from underneath hooves as Amanda's Appaloosa traced circles around each barrel. Bright tones of red flew above her back. Watching her ride Ty couldn’t take his eyes off of her. After she turned in the best run of the night, he reached down and made sure the small box was still in his pocket.

His nerves felt like a bull getting ready to buck. He listened to the announcer announcing the names of the second and third-place barrel racers. When it came time to announce first place Ty felt his heart stop for a minute inside his chest. When he felt it beat again, he started walking. Ahead of him, he heard the announcer say Amanda's name. The crowd was still roaring for her when he stepped out into the Arena.

"I don't know what we have here folks, but it looks like World Bull Riding Champion Ty Hogg is making his way out to congratulate our new World Champion Barrel Racer." Sweat broke out on his hands and forehead.

"Many of you folks may not know this, but Ty and Miss Amanda Kinsel have been dating for a while and it looks like Ty wants to share this special moment with her." Amanda glowed underneath the arena lights. She looked like an angel standing in her white button-down western shirt. Every cell in Ty’s body told him that he was never going to love anyone more than he loved Amanda.

"Folks, this is more than we ever expected. It looks like Ty Hogg has decided to make this a very special moment. Ty has gotten down on one knee and by the way Miss Amanda looks with her hands up around her mouth. I do believe Ty is asking her to marry him." The arena around them went quiet. Looking up at the water gleaming below Amanda’s eyes Ty waited for her answer praying she would say yes.

"There it is folks. I do believe she has said yes. This has to be a first in the long history of professional rodeo." The voice of the announcer disappeared. The sound of the crowd disappeared. There was nothing but the way Amanda felt in his arms as he spun her around.

The first specks of dawn appeared over the horizon as the grill of the old Dodge passed the state line separating Montana from Wyoming. Chris Ledoux sang about riding a black tornado before taking this cowboy's hat. Ty took a swig from the bottle of bourbon that had been lying on the seat beside him. The liquor was bitter in his throat as he swallowed. The arthritis in his left knee was letting him know that rain was coming. His right foot pressed closer to the floor. The truck picked up speed while images of the summer day they were married by the shore of the Potomac River behind her parent's house haunted him.

As the miles ticked by Ty kicked himself for all the times he should have gone home and left the rodeo behind. When he broke his leg in Houston. When he lost his main sponsor in Santa Fe. A flash of pain from his knee flared making him think of the night Payday, the bull of the year that year rolled on top of it. Amanda had driven through the night to be there when he woke up.

The room came into focus slowly. Blurred images swirled around his eyes. Amanda's voice floated to him through the haze.

"Ty," Amanda said his name like it was a question. Ty let his eyes focus on her. The night before, the bull, the pain came back in a rush. But Ty kept his eyes on her face. Amanda slipped her hand inside his. He could feel her thumb sliding across his skin. That touch, her touch radiated inside him. She was the peace that calmed his storm. He looked at her and saw the love she always carried for him.

"I'm sorry." The words came out in a hoarse whisper.

"Ty honey, what are you sorry for?"

"For everything."

"Ty, you don't have anything to be sorry for." Amanda leaned closer to his bed. "I love you more than anything." Ty kept her blue eyes in his.

"I'm coming home, Amanda. I promise this time. I'm getting out of this bed and coming home. I'm never going back. I'm done with Rodeo."

Why didn't he keep that promise? He'd wanted to. He had meant it when he said it, but instead of staying with her, he'd gotten right on the next bull as soon as he was healthy. Reaching over Ty picked up the bottle and drank the rest of the bourbon. Before he tossed it down into the floorboard.

The miles beyond the windshield slipped by unnoticed. His mind kept drifting back to memories of days he wished he'd made different choices. In the distance, the Cheyenne Skyline came into focus. A few more mile markers passed, and Ty traded the interstate for city streets and traffic lights. Half an hour later he made his way into a parking space in front of Frontier Park Arena. Putting his hand around the keys in the ignition he turned them to the left and listened to the engine quiet. Shifting in the seat he tried to get comfortable. Then tortured himself with more thoughts of all the times he'd let Amanda down before he finally fell asleep.

A knock at his window woke him. Opening his eyes Ty squinted against the rays of sunlight coming in through the truck's windshield. Still in those first moments between wake and sleep he thought he dreamed the sound of Amanda's voice.

"Ty". More of the world came into focus. He sat up in the seat. Looking beside him the first thing, he saw were the natural curls of her red hair falling on her shoulders and the freckles on her skin.

“Ty, roll the window down or open the door or something." God, he missed the sound of her voice right there with him and not over the phone. Straightening up he reached over and cranked down the window.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. Amanda met his eyes.

"I came here for you."

"What?"

"We need to talk Ty."

"Didn't you say what you needed to on the phone?" Ty thought he saw a flash of frustration in her look before she made her face neutral again and spoke to him.

"Ty, you call me out of the blue and tell me you're coming home. You caught me off guard." He didn't know what this was. He felt like an idiot asking.

"You want to talk?"

"Yeah, Ty I want to talk."

"Can I get cleaned up first?"

"As long as you promise you're gonna come back and talk to me you can do anything you want."

"Alright." He said and opened the door beside him. Stepping out into the early morning sun the bourbon from the night before hit him. He needed a shower but a trucker bath in the men's room sink was going to have to do. Looking at her he got lost for a moment. She still looked good in a pair of Wranglers.

"You gonna stand there all day looking at me Ty or are you gonna get in that bathroom and get cleaned up."

"I'm gonna get cleaned up." He didn't wait for Amanda to say anymore, he just started moving toward the arena grounds not sure what was happening.

The sun was just beginning to grow hot overhead when she watched Ty go. Amanda thought about turning around. Her car was only two spaces away. In her mind, she saw her feet turn. Watched herself pull up on the door handle. Turn the key in the ignition. Start the engine, pull back on the highway, and never look back.

In her heart, Amanda knew she wasn't going anywhere. Her feet were stuck to where she was like they'd been glued in place. It didn't matter what she told herself. She couldn't just walk away from Ty.

Ty looked in the mirror at the weathered grey eyes staring back at him. They looked more tired than usual. The lines marking his skin looked deeper. Somewhere in his head the steady drip from the faucet of regret he kept there was picking up the pace of drops it leaked out. Whatever was waiting for him out there with Amanda the Rodeo was over for him. It took now and her being here for him to realize that. He was never going to compete again. One way or another he was getting back in his truck and driving away from the Rodeo forever.

Washing his hands in the sink Ty bit down on the small bit of hope that was trying to make its way up inside him. Splashing water on his face he asked again why she was here. He knew why he wanted her to be here, but Amanda had already said there was somebody new. Did she just need to say goodbye in person? Leaning down he took a mouthful of water and swished it around his mouth. Looking back at the mirror, running a hand through his hair he thought this'll have to do and cursed himself for leaving his shaving bag in the truck.

Outside Ty squinted at the light coming down from the sun. The morning air was crisp. Opening his mouth. He took a big inhale of it into his lungs then let it out again. Straightening his shoulders, he tried to walk with a little pride.

Taking his time Ty walked slow knowing this might be the last time he would see Amanda. Looking at her he thought she was just as breathtaking as the first day he saw her with her red curls falling across the sides of her face. She was older now, they both were, but the years had been kind to her. Age had given her a grace in her looks that had made her somehow more attractive. Even now with his heart on the chopping block, he felt the fire she always lit in him.

Amanda felt the familiar tug in her stomach when Ty came back out of the bathroom. This man she had loved most of her life still gave her butterflies. With his big shoulders and angled chest pressing against his western shirt. As much as Ty had hurt her. She still wanted to run to where he was, feel his arms wrap around her, and stay inside those strong arms forever.

Amanda forced herself to stop thinking about being in his arms knowing if she didn't in a second, she'd be running. She couldn't get lost, not right now. If she was going to do this, she had to do it with a clear head.

A gleam of sunlight reflected off his waist catching her attention. Her eyes fell on the buckle he wore, her buckle. Tears rose up in the bottom of her eyes and one fell on her cheek. She reached up to wipe it away just before Ty made it all the way back to her.

"Amanda." A thousand memories flooded her. His body lying next to hers. His lips pressed against her skin. Get a grip, she told herself.

"Ty." He looked at her for a long second.

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for, Ty." His hands found his pockets. The ground below him seemed to capture his attention. Amanda waited unsure if she was ready to hear what Ty was going to say. Without lifting his head, he started talking.

"I'm sorry for all the years that led us here. I'm sorry for all the times I should have come home." He hesitated. Amanda thought about interrupting the silence between them, but Ty found his words again.

"I'm happy you found someone. I hope he treats you better than I did. I'm not gonna lie this hurts worse than anything I've known. You’re a better woman than I ever deserved. If I could go back, I'd give up every ride I ever had on a bull to be with you one more time." His head moved up, and Ty looked at her with his grey eyes.

"You'll always be the love of my life. I know I forgot to show it more than I remembered, but I want you to know it was always you. It always will be. I don't know where I'm gonna go from here. There's something out there for me and I guess I'll have to go and find it. But whatever it is, wherever I end up I'm always gonna have a big hole inside me. I love you, Amanda and I'm gonna miss you, every day." Ty pulled his hands out of his pockets and took his hat off. Amanda stood looking at his dark brown hair unable to stop the tears from falling out onto her cheeks.

"Thank you for coming here, for giving me the chance to see you one last time. I don't know if that's what you wanted to hear, but if there's anything I didn't say that you want me to be sorry for, just-"

"Shut up," Amanda said interrupting Ty mid-sentence. Her voice broke when the words came out. She could see Ty's surprise at the way she'd cut him off registering in every line of his face. "I didn't come here, to say goodbye, Ty."

"You didn't."

"No, I came here for you, stupid." Amanda wiped her eyes and looked at the man she knew in the very core of her being she could never stop loving. "You would know that if you'd answered your phone."

"I broke it."

"Of course, you did, Ty. Of course, you did" Amanda smiled at him and wiped away more of the tears.

"You said there was somebody else?" She could see the hurt in his eyes and that stung her. Her gaze moved from where Ty was standing in front of her to a single white cloud floating across the blue patch of sky above the arena. She took a deep breath in and let it out. Then she looked back down at his grey eyes that still swept her away the way they always had.

"There was a man. His name is Tom. He owns the feed store out on thirty-two." Amanda looked away, wishing she had stopped talking to Tom the first time he had asked her out. "Tom has asked me to go out with him almost every time I've seen him for the last couple of years. I always told him no, Ty. But right before you called, I told him yes. I had decided I had waited long enough. I couldn't wait any longer, I had to let you go. But then you called. And I swear to God, Ty. I didn't even get the phone hung all the way up before I knew I couldn't let you go." The floodgate on her tears broke. Ty started to walk toward her, but she held out her hand stopping him. It was another minute before she could go on. "I've loved you most of my life, Ty. I canceled that stupid date five minutes after you called. There was no way I could go out with him. Not if there was any chance, I was finally going to get what I've always wanted. You home with me Ty, that's it. That's all I have ever wanted." Amanda looked at Ty and felt the tug she always had for him grow stronger. Holding his gaze with her own she said, "Come here and get me."

She watched Ty come to her. Felt his arms wrap around her like blankets of warmth and comfort. She lifted her head up to his. His lips touched hers and she felt the electric buzz that was still there after all these years. Ty's body pressed against hers and Amanda fell into him. Her feet left the ground as Ty leaned back and spun her around. When her feet touched back down, she pulled back to look into his eyes.

"I love you, Cowboy." She said. Then rested her cheek against his chest. Ty kissed the top of her head and pulled her closer before he said.

"It was always you, Amanda."