An Alone Christmas Morning

I sat on the counter with a warm dim light shining on my face, and a bunch of Christmas lights and Christmas decorations surrounding me. Watching through my window the snow fall from the sky, I look at the fireplace, once again only one stocking above the fireplace. I take a sip of my coffee as I close my eyes and wonder what a christmas would be like with a partner or a family. It must feel nice right? I place the mug in the sink and decided to shower and thought about working out, but I couldn't because mostly everything is closed on Christmas... even the gym. How stupid... a holiday that's mainly based off religion causes everything around you to change and not be able to go anywhere. I mean don't get me wrong, I clearly fell for the trap because take a look around my house. There are atleast 10 Santas around every corner. Of course I didn't buy any of these all of my family memebers sent me these as an anual-check-up-on-me. Always sent in a big box wrapped in Christmas paper and big red bow on top. And can't forget the letters with the same phrases reused every year, "We miss you so much" "We hope you feel better soon!" "You're welcome to visit anytime!".

I opened the cabinet and saw all the pill bottles, some were finished, some halfway filled, others not even touched. I took these antidepressants out and closed the cabinet. At my sink I grabbed a clean cup and filled it up with some water and took two pills out, I gulped them down.

DINGGGG

I heard my doorbell ring, I ignored it. I look like a mess right now and don't feel like dealing with the stupid singing people that always come around this time of the year at this exact hour without fail. I go to close my curtains because I just wanted to lay in a pit of darkness forever. Of course though, whenever I go to close the windows there are kids outside in the road full of snow, playing, giggling, probably having the time of their lives. Yet here I am stuck in my house, feeling like crap, looking like crap, and probably smelling like it too. I hear cheering and laughter next door. My neighbors always have a Christmas gathering or party, or whatever they do over there. I just know they always have people over for Christmas. I hated hearing the cheering and the smell of hot cocoa next door it brings me back things I'd rather not remember, they make me feel... jealous.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKK

Hmm, a knock? No one ever knocks, I wonder who that could be. I walkover to the door and peep through the peephole. Oh, it's my neighbor. I don't really wanna deal with her right now so I walk away.

"Wait-" I hear muffled through my wooden door as I walked away.

"I know you don't really like coming out of your little cave or anything but, please open the door no matter what you're doing or look like right now I won't judge I swear, I just wanna talk." She sort of yells which was still a little muffled. I sigh annoyed thinking one of my packages were accidentally delivered to her house or something, I turn back around and unlock the door, slightly peeking my head out.

"yes?" I quietly said.

"Oooo great you answered! So- uh-, I was wondering if you'd like to come over for our family christmas gathering? I notice for the past few years that you've lived here in this community, you always seem to isolate yourself in this home. Would you maybe like to come out for once?"

This made me almost cry. For the first time since I have been able to think for myself, I've never felt thought of, but today that changed. I quickly nodded at her and she quickly replied "Ok it starts at 12:30 PM be ready soon." That was the first Christmas I spent with someone other than myself.