Amicable Silence

"What the hell am I going to do?" Victoria asked herself out loud as she sat up in her bed. Her hair was drenched from sweat and stuck to her face. This revelation was hard for her to accept because if she could accept that Michael had that kind of power over her she had to accept that he also held it over her mother.

'Why did my mom hate me so much?' She thought to herself. A fear settled inside of her that perhaps her mother had been afraid of losing her lover. The more she thought about it the more sense it made. The reason her mother had grown to hate her had more to do with this male than it did to her. 'So why am I allowing myself to fantasize about him. Why am I not just thinking about her and coming to terms with her passing? Why am I obessing over this murderer and why do my breasts still feel his touch?'

She brushed her drenched hair away from her face and felt a tear slide down her cheek. The weight of everything that had happened left her feeling worn and broken. She had begun to question everything about herself and her confidence faded.

The next day, Monique the aid had come into her room. "Are you ready?" She asked her thoughtfully and Victoria couldn't help but appreciate her figure. The way her hips kicked out just a bit when she stood. The way her smile leaned just slightly to the left. It was endearing and she felt an ache in her chest. "Yes," she stammered as she stood up from her bed and made her way to the door.

They walked in amicable silence and entered the room with the white walls, the single table, and a single chair with a camera facing towards the table. Victoria immediately sat down on the wooden chair and fixed her hair. "I'm ready," she said with resolution.

"Alright, I just need a minute...there we go," the aid replied with a wide smile as she set the camera to record. "When you're ready," she said and pointed towards Victoria.

Victoria sighed heavily, put on a smile, and began to speak. "What’s happening?” I screamed as my body was violently pulled away from him. I was thrown into the air and pulled with such a force that my mind didn't have a moment to comprehend what was happening.

I closed my eyes from the rising fear inside of my chest. The pressure was so intense that I thought I would vomit from the shear strain. The vomit didn’t come but when I opened my eyes I was drenched in sweat and laying in my own bed in my studio apartment. The alarm was blaring violently to alert me that it was time to wake up.

“Shit!” I cursed out loud and I ripped the thin sheet from my sweaty body and jumped out of the bed. “I overslept,” I said out loud to myself as I lamented my life’s choices. If I was late for work one more time I was going to be fired. At the time, being fired seemed like the worst thing that could happen to me. The irony is not lost on me. Anyway, I ran into the bathroom and jumped into a cold shower. “I need to get this stink off of me,” I said loudly to myself. I did not care how stupid I sounded. The shower chilled me to the bone but soothed me at the same time. ‘That dream,’ I thought to myself. A chill ran down my spine."

"What did you do?" Monique interrupted to ask. Victoria smiled at her and continued to tell her story.

"I quickly jumped out of the shower and proceeded to get dressed and applied a light layer of makeup. I grabbed my phone to check the time. “Damn!” I cursed. “I’ve got like 10 minutes to get there.” For a moment I thought that I was going to just give up, curl into a ball and stay that way. It wasn’t every day that I had to make a 20-minute commute in 10 but today was one of those days and I was going to have to be up for the challenge.

“If I take a cab I can make it,” I said and I went through my purse to see how much money I had left. Realizing that paying for the cab was going to cost me dinner I proceeded to haul it outside and flag down the cab. ‘Eating is overrated,’ I told myself to give me some semblance of comfort during this challenging time.

The cab stopped quickly and I got inside. After giving the driver the address I sank into the seats and allowed my mind to drift back to the dream. It had been such an emotionally draining dream yet kept finding myself willingly in the arms of my mother’s murderer. ‘I am seriously losing my senses,’ I rationalized.

I lifted my head and scanned outside the window. For a moment I thought that I saw two red eyes staring at me. I quickly closed my eyes out of fear and when I reopened them the eyes were gone. I sighed. “Everything alright?” the driver asked. I looked up at his greying hair and sparkling brown eyes. He was an attractive older man but it was clear this life had not been kind. “Yes, ummm...I...I’m running late for work. One more time and I am canned,” I replied honestly. He looked at me through his mirror. “I’ll drive a bit faster, get you there on time sweetheart. Don’t need you losing your job today. Sounds good?” his words brought me comfort and I was experienced enough to know that if he said he was going to get me there on time, he was going to get her there on time or die trying. “That’s wonderful, thank you so much,” I said with a genuine smile on my face.

This morning may not have been what I had hoped for but I was going to turn the rest of this day around."

Victoria paused as she wiped a tear from her eye. "Why are you crying?" Monique asked with a tone of geninune concern.

"I guess...I guess I'm upset because I remember how this story ends."

"How does it end?" Monique the aid asked.

"You don't want to know," Victoria said as she wiped the last tear from her eyes.

"Isn't that what we're here for?" the aide asked her with a curious glare.

Victoria took her in and thought about what she was saying. "You're right, where were we?"