Always Crashing (In The Same Carriage)
A Runaway Train Chat Story
![](https://res.cloudinary.com/jerrick/image/upload/d_642250b563292b35f27461a7.png,f_jpg,fl_progressive,q_auto,w_1024/62cdf8f35feecd001e34a9c0.jpg)
This is an attempt at chat fiction, suggested to me by Pam Reeder. I really don’t know if I can make this work. The rules are on the website here.
I am also going to use the Vocal “Runaway Train” Challenge as my prompt for this story and you can read about that here.
So here goes
The regular thrum of the rail track woke J
J: “Where the fuck am I, what the hell?”
She was the only one in the carriage, it was dark outside
She could see nothing but this train was fast
Getting off the bunk bed she tried the door
Locked
She banged it, but it wouldn’t move
Trapped
She has her phone in her pocket, half charged
Tried to access the web, but the data wasn’t working
Restarted the phone but the data still wasn’t available and the train had no wifi to connect to.
She tried to phone K but got no answer so she texted
J: “K, I’m trapped on a train and I can’t get off, it’s going fast”
J: “I don't know where I am, no ticket, I don’t know how I got here”
J: “Answer me, please, I’m scared”
K: “I can’t talk, the wife is here, but I can text. What happened?”
J: “If I knew that I wouldn’t be texting you would I”
K: “Have you called the police, or the transport police there is usually a text service”
J: “I can’t get data on the phone and the battery is draining, and I don’t know where I am”
J: “The train is going faster and I am so scared”
J: “Can you call the police, I tried 999 but the line was dead”
She tried the door again but it wouldn’t give
She looked for something to smash the glass, thought the bed rail may do
It was just wood but solid
She smashed the door window, but it held, hardly a scratch
J: “Have you called the police?”
K: “ Am on the line on hold, the wife wants to know what I am up to, will text soon.”
She waits
K: and the Police
K: “My friend thinks she has been kidnapped, she is trapped in a compartment on a train”
Police: “We have an emergency, a terrorist group has kidnapped twenty people and is threatening to crash a hijacked train into the sea at the end of the line if their demands are not met”
K: “Are you negotiating?”
Police: “Their demands won’t be met, twenty people is acceptable collateral damage”
K: “What are you doing, you going to let them die?”
Police: “The Prime Minister says it’s fine, he doesn't want to spoil his sons’ birthday party”
K slams the phone down.
K back to J
K: “The police say the train has been hijacked and twenty people are on board”
J: “Fuck, what are they doing to stop it”
K: “They’ve called in the SAS to rescue the hostages, but is there any way you could smash a window”
J: “I tried = but nothing doing, I’ll just have to sit and wait, but I am so scared, this is going faster, where is the train going”.
K: “It’s going to hit the Circle Line so there is not much that can happen.
K was lying to J and it was making him sick knowing she had minutes left
K: “I Love You J”
J: “I Love You Too, I just want us to be together”
The train smashed through the barrier, off the cliff and into the sea.
There were no more texts
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Reader insights
Nice work
Very well written. Keep up the good work!
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Easy to read and follow
Well-structured & engaging content
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
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Comments (16)
Oh wow. What a sad and beautiful ending. I was hooked from start to finish.
Such an excellent format to convey the rising stakes and speed of the train! Loved this, chat format is definitely a bold choice and you pull it off beautifully!
Love that this uses dialogue to tell the tale! Well done <3
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Loved this. Very unique take.
how many words was that? Very Interesting.
Good one, Mike.
Nice storytelling! Hearted❤️
Oh. My. Goodness. This was brilliant! I've never heard of chat fiction before. I'd love to try it. And the way you used this technique was awesome. This technique and your plot went very well together. Absolutely loved this story. My mind is blown. You did an awesome job on this one!
This was great Mike! Loved the flow and fast pace - well done 😊
Interesting take on the challenge. I enjoyed it very much.
Good job!!! Interesting concept.
Surprisingly entertaining way of creating a story
Awesome story as always!!!
Splendid runaway train story. Left a Heart!
So sad :(. It was quick, but I felt the panic and sadness.
Great Job with an even better ending 😁