A Window for Love

“I don't care what they think. I don't care what they say. What do they know about this love anyway? Come, come to my window, I'll be home, I'll be home, I'll be home, I'm comin home”

Melissa Etheridge

---

Because “I love you,” he yells as he hurls the hour glass across the room. It hits the wall and with a loud crack it shatters, sending glass and powder everywhere, making the room look like the inside of a snow globe.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I say as I charge at him, intent to kill. He grabs my arms to wrestle me back and I thrust him hard against the wall. He grabs me and pulls me close to him. His scent hits me like the tenth tequila shot and as I take in the strange vanilla, sour milk, and lime scent, so different from anything else I have ever smelled, an arousal spurs somewhere deep inside me. I Ignore it, as I come back to the present moment and my anger regains control. I fuss and thrust, but he holds me tight so I can't get away and says again directly into my ear “I love you,” this time he adds “I want to be with you, this is real and I am really here just for you.”

I slump and my body becomes limber. “I love you too,” I whisper back, “but this is never going to work! How can I spend the rest of my life with you? It's just impossible.”

“Why do you say that, you just don't really love me, who are you working with? Why are you trying to trap me here?” He says as he pushes me away and switches into an aggressive tone.

“Seriously this again? I am not trying to trap you. The only reason I put up with you, and fight with you, and ask you to come here is because I want to be with you.” I say as I shift into an offensive position.

“Then why do you treat me like this?” he asks, with anger beginning to boil in his face as if he was a devoted husband who just came home to find his wife in bed with his brother.

“How am I treating you?” I yell back “I don't understand-” and before I finish making my point, he is already talking. Interrupting me, as he always does.

“lower your voice.” He yells

When I hear this my head practically spins. I hate when he starts the lower your voice routine. It is the most frustratingly irritating argument tactic he uses. I am not yelling any louder than him and I understand that it's important no one finds him here. I get the sensitivity of the matter, but does that mean I have to speak quietly and softly while he yells over me? No!

“I am not putting on a show for your neighbors and we don't want anyone hearing us. We both know that will be trouble.” He continues to yell, as I am gearing up to really wallop him with one hell of a comeback.

“I am speaking in the same tone as you,” I respond to him in a loud whisper. “You just say that when you know you are wrong and you have nothing else to say.” I state in a harsh muted tone, with the same smug satisfaction you might observe on the face of a retail clerk who has just proven their customer wrong.

“Uggghhhh” he responds as he drags his hands down his face as if he he's trying to pull off a mask. “I am telling you Marvin, you're getting on my last nerve, I am really controlling myself here, like really you have no idea how much I am controlling myself.” He says as the pace of his words picks up.

“Controlling yourself? If you would control yourself we wouldn't be in this mess. I mean what is this even about? This whole thing started because you can't man up and realize you are causing all the problems.” I retort, with the arrogant air of a teenager who thinks they have just won an argument with their parents.

He slams the table and comes darting around it to stand directly in my face, trying to intimidate me. He is only slightly taller than me and although I will admit I don't know what kind of strength he is capable of, or whether or not I could actually take him if he did physically attack me, I stand right back into his face and say, “You don't scare me.” “That's bullshit, you are the cause of all these fights.” I yell back at him. “What the hell are we doing?” I continue yelling. “We only have so much time together, why are we going to spend it fighting?”

He slams the table again and as he walks away towards the bathroom and yells, “you know what's wrong with your kind? you're lying, sneaky and all you wanna do is fight.”

From the bathroom he responds, “I know why. Its because you wana run out and have more sex partners, just like when I am not here, thats what your kind is all about, sex everywhere you can get it.”

Now this pisses me off. “You know what, forget you, this is a waste of my time, what kinda future am I gonna have with you anyway?” I say.

He is yelling something back but I have stopped listening.

“Just shut up already” I say in a tone just loud enough to sound like I am dismissing him.

He continues to yell nonsense, but I just ignore him, trying my best not to respond.

He is buzzing around the apartment, and I know what he is doing. He's packing to leave just like he always does. He thinks I don't notice, but of course I know what's up by now. What a coward he is. Like just face it and face me. I may love him, but how can I make a future with him? He can't be here when I need him and he can't stay put, it feels like he is constantly running away from me. As my mind reels I drift away and fall asleep.

---

I awake to Jay gently shaking me. ”Marvin, get up I have a surprise for you, and I need you to wake up because the Glazier needs to come into the apartment to install something I got for us, something that will solve all of our relationship issues.”

Groggily I say “what?” As I come to my senses I comprehend more of what he is saying to me. I look him dead in the face and ask, “did you just say you want to bring someone into my apartment? Do you know how incredibly dumb that is?”

He stands up, not aggravated, but overwhelmed with excitement, and waves his hands at me, like he is trying to erase what I am saying, “no, no I have a surprise for you. But it needs to be installed. You don't want to be sleeping while the work is being done.”

Slightly aggravated I comply. I stand, stretch, take a quick look around, and notice that he cleaned up while I slept. There is no more powder or glass anywhere. I am quite impressed, he has talents I don't give him credit for. I grab my towel and head directly to the bathroom.

“I'll be in the shower” I tell him as I close the bathroom door.

---

Through the blasting music I put on and even though I have the door closed and I am across the apartment, I can hear sounds that I would guess were two or more people talking and lots of banging. This makes me concerned about what is going on out there. Curious and maybe a little worried, I grab my phone and check the home security system. What I can make out, is that there is some kind of construction project happening in my kitchen. I can't hear or at least I don’t understand anything being said. I see tools and can hear what sounds like something being built, but I can't visually identify anything specific. I go back to my shower and pray to the entity that makes this universe run, that whatever he is doing will not get me evicted, cost me money that I don’t have, and / or make my life a living hell.

Just as I am drying myself off, all the noise stops and the front door opens and closes. “Jay” I yell, “is everything okay?”

In a rushed tone he yells back. “Yes, everything is good. I can't wait to show you my surprise.”

I take a deep breath, wrap the towel around my waist, and head out to where Jay is standing in the Kitchen. Before either one of us can say anything I see, but can't imagine why, one of my kitchen windows has been replaced. He begins to introduce me to my gift, and in my head I start running through the factors that will determine if I am going to be upset about this. First: this window only looks out into an alleyway so it was basically a waste of a window anyway. You can't open it because of those disgusting pigeons out there and there is nothing worth looking at though it so no loss there. Secondly, why would he think I want this window to be anything more than what it was? It's just a window. Lastly I look around and for all the noise that was made and for having replaced a whole window I notice there is remarkably not a big mess.

Deciding not to be mad just yet, I brace myself. “Okay Jay what the hell is this?”

He smiles in his way and begins to explain “Well I told you earlier but maybe you weren't listening, I had to bring a Glazier in here to have a special device installed in the shape of a window, for you, and me. I think it might save our relationship, stop some of the fighting and allow us to be together forever. Just like we both want.” He says bursting with excitement like a dog who has just seen its leash.

“A glazier? I take it has something to do with windows. Okay, but so what? It’s a window? How is a window gonna do all that?” I ask with a tinge of doubt in my voice.

With the same excitement he continues, “so you know how you're always frustrated cause I have to go, and I can only be here during the slow part of the season. This makes you doubt our future together which leads to insecurity and it all climaxes into a fight, and we waste the little bit of time we have arguing, instead of loving each other. Well now we won't have that problem”

I stare at him with a bored face because I already know our story. “Jay, get to the point. What is it already?”

With an air of self satisfaction, like the kid who got the highest grade on the spelling test, he says “ its a window that will allow us to actually be together, well we are not really really together, but it will look and feel like we are together, and as far we both will be able to understand it will be as if we are together.”

I’m baffled, “how?” I say as I get closer to the window trying to see the magic he is talking about.

“You will have to try it to understand. When you open the window, it will look just like that old alleyway, and all you will see is the brick wall and the rock birds in the wall. But, when you stick your head out through it you will virtually transport to my home world and be right outside a very similar window that I have in my home. Look, try it.”

I hesitate.

“Go ahead try it, you will be fine” he urges

I open the window wide and stick my torso out into the alleyway, and in a seamless transition, the upper part of my body sticking out of this window is transported to a strange world where the only thing I can comprehend is a closed window, close enough that I could reach out and touch it, and when I do the window is actually there. Everything else in this strange place is unrecognizable. It’s hard to describe the world surrounding this closed window, it has no familiar structure or any understandable figures. The only thing I can think of to describe it, is what you see when you stare into a bright light. All those blue and pink spirales, just cloudy bursts of blurry colors. As I pull back into my apartment from the window Jay is grinning.

“Did you see it?” He asks, full of excitement.

“Yes, but-” and before I could finish he interjects.

“Don't ask how it works, I don't know. I saw it being demonstrated and I knew it would work for us. I could not wait to show you. Now, when I have to be in my world, every season in between the full moons in your world, we can be together every day, at least for a few minutes, and I will always be just outside your window. If I am home all you have to do is knock on the panes and I will open my window and we can hug and kiss and talk just like we were here together.” he explains

I really am impressed by such a thoughtful and magical gift. Now we will be able to at least see each other when he goes back to wherever he is from, and the waiting in between those full Moons will not be so bad. With this window I think I can actually tolerate the periods when he is not here with me on Earth.

My next thought as I stand in my kitchen hugging this outer worldly being who has just done something so sweet for me, was this is a great solution for now, but if we make it to the point when he can actually come live on earth with me full time, how the hell will we ever live as a regular couple? How would we go shopping or out to dinner? How could I ever introduce, whatever he is to my friends and family? I mean what would my mother say?