What do famous fruit and vegetables want to tell us?

Vegetables first: Mr Cucumber, please.

What is the most important thing you would like to communicate to people?

WE ARE NOT VEGETABLES! We are proud to belong to the gourd family. We grow from flowers and contain seeds; therefore, botanically I am a fruit!

Where are you actually originated from?

I am one of the most ancient cultivated plants; we were the first domestically grown in India over 3000 years ago.

Then, because of our restless nature, we wanted to see the world: we appeared in France in the 9th century, England - 14th century. Our friend, Christopher Columbus, agreed to take us to Haiti in 1494 and we discovered the ‘new world’: North America - by the mid-16th century.

Impressive. What do you do in your free time apart from being food?

We are doctors.

First, we are around 95% water: a little bit more than a human.

Additionally, we contain Vitamin B1, B2, B3, B5 and B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Iron, Calcium, Zinc, Magnesium, Phosphorus and Potassium, and the lignans (lariciresinol, pinoresinol, and secoisolariciresinol). Bacteria in people’s digestive tract grab the lignans and convert them into enterolignans which bind to the estrogens receptors minimising the risk of estrogens-related diseases including breast, ovarian, colon and prostate cancer. Quite impressive, isn’t it?

What is more, we can actually cure smelly breath. If you press a slice of a cucumber to the roof of your mouth, let’s say for about 30 seconds, it will kill the problematic bacteria and make your breath as fresh as morning air.

Also, we have a lot of shares in cosmetics industry: creams, shampoos, or anti-aging products. For instance, suffering from lower eye puffiness? Our ascorbic and caffeic acids will lower the water retention rate and shrink the swelling.

What are you ashamed of?

We were responsible for a salmonella outbreak in the USA in 2015 - 2016. The Centre for Disease Control said there were 907 cases and 6 deaths.

And probably this… Germany, 2014. German authorities found a drug haul tried to be smuggled inside pickled cucumber jars amongst a shipment to Iran. It was worth around 50 million euros.

The phrase “cool as a cucumber”… Are you really such cool guys?

Ha, ha, ha… Not at all. It’s just our nature: there can be up to a 20°C difference between the inside temperature and the outside.

What are you proud of?

Have you heard of David Thomas from the UK?

No…

He is actually famous for winning competitions for the world heaviest vegetables: the record for the heaviest parsnip and on the 26th September, 2015 the world’s heaviest cucumber: 12.9 kg (23 lb 7 oz) at the Malvern Autumn Show in Worcestershire.

Who is the next one? Ms Tomato, you are very welcome.

What is the most important thing you would like to communicate to people?

Even though I am technically a fruit, it doesn't stop people from treating me as a vegetable.

What’s going on? I have invited vegetables first.

Probably, you should have done some research first. I can understand this as the confusion arose in the 19th century when the US supreme court named us vegetables for taxation purposes.

I am very sorry, Miss. Any other surprises do you have in your sleeve?

We are not boring red as many people think. We can be yellow, pink, purple, black and even white! Like all women we are very changeable. And there are around 10,000 varieties of tomatoes worldwide.

Where are you actually originated from?

Many people think that we are Italian. Big mistake. We have origins traced back to the early Aztecs around 700 A.D; therefore, we are native South Americans. In Europe we were introduced not earlier than the 16th century called “pomo d’oro“, meaning “golden apple”. A very noble name. British people admired us a lot, but, unfortunately, had been considered poisonous, as our appearance was very similar to the wolf peach. What a disgrace!

What are you proud of?

We are noble fruit. We have a lot to be proud of.

First, People in Ohio, USA, love tomatoes so much that tomato juice is the official state drink!

Secondly, again it happened in the USA, the largest single tomato plant in the world covered an area of 56.73 metres sq. That’s bigger than an Olympic size swimming pool!

Thirdly, we are the most popular fruit in the world. The annual production is 60 million tons, we are the world’s most demanded fruit. After us, the second place goes to bananas and the third - apples, followed by less important oranges and watermelons, respectively in 4th and 5th spot.

Next,…

Sorry to interrupt you. What do you do in your free time apart from being food?

Being fruit…

Ok, being fruit…

We love bathing in the sun and having rest.

Oh, I see…

What are you ashamed of?

We are highly ashamed of being involved into La Tomatina - an annual festival in Spain. What a disgrace for noble fruit! People involve us into their bloody games. They throw 150,000 of us at each other.

Thank you very much for your time. Who’s the next? Ms Broccoli…