Male Bonding Need Not be Violent

When I was 18, I went hunting for the last time. That was the first and only time I ever shot a deer. I didn't like it. It's not that I think hunting is wrong. On the contrary, if we are going to continue to be an omnivorous species, knowing how to hunt, dress, and cook game is important -- especially if society eventually falls apart and we no longer have 6-burner stoves, fancy French skillets, and supermarkets. But, that's a topic for a different article.

When my brother saw that I had shot the deer, he rushed over to me and started slapping me in the face -- this was his really shitty way of expressing how proud he was of his little brother. It was confusing and violent -- and bonding. This event was a punctuation mark to years of sparring, wrestling, and verbal put downs. Such was the order of the day, and it's not all bad. A little wrestling between brothers is natural and good. Still, when I became a father, I vowed to expose my children to alternative ways to bond.

One such way is to cook together. I have become the family chef, for a number of reasons.

First, why does Mom have to be the cook, or even like cooking? She isn't, and doesn't -- and that's okay. It's tough to do what she does everyday, and I get that by the time I get home from work, she is pretty beat -- especially in the days of COVID.

Second -- Mom has been a vegetarian since she was in 4th grade. So, if she already doesn't like to cook, she certainly doesn't like to cook meat.

Third -- I love cooking. It's fun and rewarding, and I have been using it as a method to bond with my oldest son, who turns 14 this year. When I call up the stairs to him at 5:30 PM and tell him I'm going to start making dinner, he gets excited. He stops playing video games and rushes down stairs. If he knows what we are cooking, he'll start pulling out the ingredients we need from the fridge and pantry.

Our favorite dish to make are chicken tenders in a creamy white wine sauce. It's delicious, and Jack knows how to make it on his own. Now when we make it, I only supervise to make sure he doesn't get hurt. But one of the most exciting dishes we have made is pan-seared duck breasts with a port wine gastrique.

I'm not sure why, but one morning I woke up with a craving for duck. I've only had duck once before, at a restaurant, so I'm not sure where this came from. I started researching on the internet, and I found a recipe from Le Creuset. To do this right, you really need an iron skillet, and I didn't have one. So, I bought a 12" Le Creuset, and it's my new favorite thing.

One need not spend the money to buy a Le Creuset. I'm sure this dish can be made with a less expensive skillet.

What really makes the duck so awesome is the skin. I missed blotting them dry, which was a mistake -- but it still turned out awesome. Unlike making a filet or some other meat, the key to rocking this dish is to start with a cold pan, and Le Creuset will tell you that in their recipe. I'm not going to include the recipe in this article, because that wouldn't be fair to the good folks at Le Creuset, but you can find it online.

While the duck is beginning to cook in the skillet, you make the gastrique. The gastrique is made of caramelized sugar, vinegar, and port wine. Here's what you need to know: making a gastrique is very dangerous, and it absolutely requires adult supervision. You can start your kitchen on fire -- and in fact, we did have a little fire after the port wine was added. It was shocking when the blue flames shot out of the sauce pan. I was working the pan, and I yelled for Jack to turn the fire down, which he did. His heart was racing -- this was one of the bonding moments. It's a memory neither of us will ever forget. Despite this little fire, the gastrique was absolutely perfect.

Another important skill for young adults is knife safety. This recipe calls for red seedless grapes to be sliced in half. While he can learn a lot by monkey-see monkey-do, I let Jack handle this, of course with supervision.

When all of the fat has been rendered from the duck, and the skin is nice and brown, move them to a plate to sit while you drain the fat from the pan. Then, put them back on the pan, skin side up, and bake in the oven until they are about 135 degrees. I use an instant read food thermometer to be certain.

When they are at temperatue, take them out and set them aside. Then, throw the grapes and few sprigs of thyme into the pan and bake for about 10 minutes. The grapes will be wrinkly when it's done.

Finally - put it all together on a plate. Drizzle the gastrique over the grapes and thyme, and voilà!

The best part is watching your teenager ooh and ahh over it. Give it a shot!