Choosing the Proper Coffee, for the Proper Occasion

Coffee, no matter the time or place, will always be there for you. Whether you are alone on a bark bench, or surrounded by friends, it all seems better with a mug of roasted bean blood. Sorry, that didn't sound as appealing as I initially imagined—I promise you I don't have psychopathic tendencies.

There is a coffee for every occasion, which you may not have realised until now. Of course, the anxiety of choosing from the selections of syrups, flavours and types of coffee while an impatient barista stares you down makes it understandable that you have a go-to coffee. But still, don't be a boring Bob. As someone who always has a cup in hand, you begin to realise at what times a certain cup is most suitable, and when it is not. So here is a list of occasions and the perfect coffee to pair it with.

Groggy Monday Mornings

Let's start off with the obvious one, shall we? Get that caffeine into you, espresso shots all the way. If you aren't a fan of the bitter taste, get yourself an Americano—it's just a diluted shot of espresso.

First Dates or Breakups

Deciding to break up over coffee or have something big coming up? Praise the Lord for decaf. You may end up with shaky hands if you are already anxious and then pump yourself with caffeine, so maybe it's a good idea to lay off it for a while. Either that or just get yourself a hot chocolate; it's a comfort drink for a good dumping (even though I have never heard of that existing). Don't be fooled, all coffee drinks tend to have one shot of espresso in them, so they are all well-spiked with a dose of energy.

When on a Diet

The torturous times when we realise that all those frappuccinos are showing on the waistline...man, have some self control and don't just boycott the coffee shops. Americano, filter coffee, and straight-up espresso are your best friend while dieting; they have basically zero calories if you opt out of taking a dash of milk and a spoonful of sugar. Not to mention, taking it half an hour before a workout will help you through that wretched cardio session. If you can't help getting a cheeky latte or a milkier coffee of sorts, order it made with skimmed milk, or coconut/almond milk to shave off some calories. Some places even do sugar-free syrups. That is your only exception. When they ask if you want syrup or cream, don't listen to your salivating glands. Stay strong, my sexy friend.

The Stressful Study Sesh

Nothing, at a time like this, can beat a silky smooth flat white to keep you going. It is just the right amount of comfort and wake up in one. Of course, when it gets to the last minute panic cramming at 3 AM, espresso will always be there for you, too.

The 4 PM Slump

This is my most nightmarish time of the day. If I was ever to murder someone, it would probably happen at 4 PM. It's that time between lunch and dinner when you want the day to be over. Janet, who insisted on bringing you to coffee won't shut up about her husband's cousins' niece who apparently slept with the man who works on the floor below you. You're hungry but want to wait for dinner but also need, NEED caffeine and something a little more satisfying than boiling water with flavour. Well I have the mug for you. You strut up to that barista and you tell her, "I would like..." You pretend to study the drinks board, but you already have it sussed, as you lean forwards and you say, "a mocha."

Then you lose your cool counting out £2.80 in ten pence coins and handing the member of staff your bus pass rather than your loyalty card.

The Sociably Dependent, but Stony, Broke Student

Yes, we have all been there. You hit rock bottom, and realise you cannot even afford the basic necessities... like coffee. I am sorry if that is you. In some places, if the staff are kind and look on you pitifully, maybe they will give you some free hot water and you can pretend it's coffee. If not, dig around the back of the sofa and opt for a filter coffee or espresso. It's good stuff, and is normally the cheapest you can get. You might be able to scrape it with £2.

For the Instagram Desperate, Hipster Wannabe

You want to have the funky looking coffee that everyone else has on their Instagram pages? Get yourself a flat white and a half decent barista to do the job. They will also jazz up a cappuccino, but it's not as authentic is it?

To Pair with Something Sweet

A flat white can often be too rich or creamy for the job, a mocha too sweet, an espresso too bitter. For these times, resort to a light, frothy cappuccino.

To Pair with Lunch

It can't be sweet, or take away from the meal—a classic Americano perhaps?

For the Classy To-Go

Want to sound trendy while ordering at the till, and walking those streets like you own it? A latte is what you need. If it's evening and you need a comforting pick-me-up coming home from work, throw some flavoured syrup in that.

Too Hot for Coffee?

It's been a long shopping day, you're worn out, tired, and flustered. Your feet are agony. You need caffeine, but the thought of another hot drink... you may just melt into a puddle. Get yourself an iced coffee, girl. I strongly recommend the iced cappuccino for the aesthetically pleasing qualities. If you want a sugar hit, make it a frappe.

Evening Wind-Down

If you are a hard-core coffee lover who can take the caffeine, the best thing for an evening chill is by far a latte with flavoured syrup. Try gingerbread if you're an amateur.