Since the first New York location finally opened its doors on Thursday in the Syracuse area, I felt it was only fair to review this establishment. I am warning you all that live nearby before making the drive to this place. And if you live anywhere else where this food is always available, it's never too late...
1. They literally only serve chicken.
Chicken sandwiches, chicken nuggets, chicken strips, chicken wraps, chicken salads, chicken soup, crispy chicken, grilled chicken... Even breakfast chicken biscuit sandwiches! It's like they totally understood that chicken is super versatile and beyond delicious in every way that it's made. As if chicken is the most popularly eaten meat in America? Americans only eat like 90 pounds of chicken a year, or something.
A cow? Like they're telling us to eat less beef because too much red meat isn't good for us? And what's with the signs with purposely bad spelling? You can tell Chick-fil-A that I will not be won over by their overly adorable cattle holding the cute signs, k?
3. They just give away their sauces.
You want barbecue or honey mustard for your nuggets? Okay! Or maybe you want that specialty, mysteriously flavored chick-fil-a sauce? Sure! Or perhaps something more sweet, like Polynesian or sweet & spicy sriracha? Alright! OR MAYBE YOU CAN'T DECIDE AND WANT ONE OF EACH? STILL FINE! You literally can have whatever you want and it's all free. (That includes their buffalo, honey roasted bbq, and garlic & herb ranch) Even when I ask for one, they give me two or three—c'mon!
How dare a fast food restaurant make it more convenient for me to eat healthy when I'm in a rush or on a budget?! Offering me their grilled chicken nuggets, market salad with fresh fruit and southwest salad all with low calorie dressing options, fruit bowl sides, grilled chicken wraps, and grilled chicken sandwiches on multigrain buns. They even mark the healthier foods that have less than 350 calories just to make it that much more convenient. The nerve...
5. They have terrible customer service.
They are so bad at their jobs that the employees don't even wait for you to get to the drive-thru speaker to order—they come bug you at your car window to make the process "faster" for us. What if I actually wanted the traditional drive-thru experience of waiting over 20 minutes in a backed up line during prime lunch/dinner time? It's totally inconsiderate of them to try to redefine fast food restaurants.
6. They give you homework.
At the bottom of every receipt there's this quiz to take... yeah, a quiz. Why would anyone want to be tested after their meal? That’s not even the worst part. After this excruciating short quiz, they punish you by just giving you a free chicken sandwich. When will the torture stop?!
7. They do things differently.
They only serve these weird waffle fries. They decided they're sooo much better than all the other fast food restaurants and tried one-upping them. What if I wanted the same, old, boring straight fries that every other fast food place offers? They just assumed we wouldn't mind, which is so rude.
8. They don't know how to follow a crowd.
Here they go again, trying to be different and redefine the industry. Just like with the fries, they really just can't be normal. These nuggets don’t look like anything you’d get at McDonald's, Burger King, or Wendy’s. They look like they’re hand-breaded and made with actual nuggets of chicken. They just can't follow the rules, can they?
9. They are total savages.
If you've ever gone on any sort of road trip anywhere down south, you will definitely have seen signs like this one. This is only one example because they have what seems like hundreds of different variations of this sign calling out their competition. We get it, Chick-fil-A; you're better than everyone else!
I'm so sorry if I crushed your hopes and broke your heart, but it really is better to hear it all now before going in with such high expectations and being let down later. And if you already were a regular customer, please remember, it's never too late to make a change. Chick-fil-A is just the "worst." *wink, wink*