5 Things to Not Say to a Vegan!

The Vegan 'movement' has taken off at an enormous rate in recent years, and with celebrities everywhere promoting the cause, (think Joaquin, Di Caprio and Pamela Anderson to name but a few) more and more of us are ditching dairy, saying ''meh'' to meat, and ''see-ya'' to sushi.

I was a veggie for almost 30 years, and then I took the leap of faith into veganism, a 'diet' even I had thought too 'extreme'. The only vegan I had heard of in the 90s was Moby, and I wasn't really into yoga and raw eating, so I continued chowing down on cheese and enjoying eggs, ignorant to the reality none of us had really been shown.

Instagram really showed me the real face of the dairy and egg industries, and if you want to know the truth, I'll let you find out for yourself. This article isn't about that, but more of a guide on what we vegans hear pretty much everyday. And hopefully, you'll think more about the person in front of you than trying to get a snigger out of your fellow 'carnivores'. (I'll deal with this term later.)

So, here we go:

1. ''Mmmm, bacon. Don't you miss bacon?'' (Can also read 'burgers', 'steak'...)

Ok, so with this one, it can be hard for me to give a sensible retort without playing into the hands of the...ahem...person making the statement. I think we can all agree, that the person asking this question is trying to get a rise out of the vegan. For some reason, we vegans are seen as weirdo hippies who only eat lentils, raw nuts and lettuce (pretty much what I thought of Moby), and for now I'll refrain from saying what I really think of omnivores (you're not a carnivore, sweetheart, unless you kill it and eat it raw yourself). But, seriously, no, I don't miss bacon: it's still the body of another creature, and I can get that smoky flavour elsewhere. I have also decided that a moment in my mouth is not worth another animal's death.

And, just so we're clear, pigs don't make sausages, and cows don't make burgers, so I don't eat meat shaped things. I eat food shaped, plant based alternatives. I once read that a vegan sausage is like a dildo: it looks like the real thing and acts like the real thing, but no hearts are broken in its consumption.

2. ''So, do you just eat like, salad and stuff?''

Er, yes, I do like salad, but don't you? So, there's a misconception (Moby again), that vegans eat raw vegetables. That's a whole other way of eating; but me, well, I love bread, pasta, curries, veggie stews, soups, wraps, chips, and also the not-so-healthy alernatives like pizza, dairy free ice-cream, biscuits, hotdogs, vegan burgers...

 I am also a crisp-fiend! But, let me tell you, some companies feel it's necessary to add milk powder to salt 'n' vinegar crisps. That can ruin a girl's day...

3. ''What do you have for your Christmas dinner?''

Let me ask you a question, and answer me truthfully: do you actually like turkey? Because quite a lot of people I know do not like turkey, but eat it 'because it's Christmas.' I bet, like me, you love the roast potatoes, vegetables, gravy, and some of us look forward to the sprouts! (We have ours tossed in garlic butter.) Well, in my house we also have the potatoes, the veggies, the gravy (vegan beef flavoured) and the sprouts, and sometimes we have vegan chipolatas. I'm always uncomfortably stuffed afterwards, but I can still find another stomach for my dessert: dairy free ice-cream and some sort of winter pudding thing. A lot of Christmas puddings are made with vegetable suet, and so are accidentally vegan anyway.

4 ''But you need protein! And protein is in meat or fish!''

Right, so, where do you think you're protein got its protein from? Yes, that's right: plants! Who'da guessed it? For some reason, when you tell people you're a vegan, they suddenly become qualified experts on nutrition. Telling them that a gorilla is also a vegan doesn't help, as they just retort with ''But, it's an animal, and animals have different systems to ours!'', or ''But you're not a gorilla''. It's the same response with rhinos, hippos, giraffes, elephants...you get the idea.

Anyway, I am a good vegan, and what I mean is that I eat a balanced diet of veggies, fruits, carbs, fats, nuts and pulses, but can non-vegans really say the same? Do they really get their daily amount of fibre? Or vitamin C? Or iron? It seems crazy to question the one who doesn't graze on the sugar laden, fat filled, empty calories in a Big Mac. But, maybe that's just me...

5. ''Vegans just think they're better than everyone else.''

This statement is more about them than me, I think we can all agree. It's because I don't think I'm better than the planet, cows, baby chicks, goats, fish, hens, lambs, calves, crocodiles, ostriches, kangaroos, sharks and all the other poor creatures humans exploit, that I am a vegan. Of course meat and eggs taste good, and of course leather is a great material, but I don't want to be a part of the abuse and heart-break that makes these products. I don't want to be a part of a system that cuts down rainforests in order to create pasture. But, I'm the extreme one...

If I make you uncomfortable, maybe it's because you're uncomfortable with the truth.

Anyway, I'm not asking you to feel guilty, but maybe just give Veganuary a go, or if you can't give up bacon or eggs just now, maybe switch some of the things you can live without for a while. It all makes a difference.