Why do people cheat?

Have you ever met a couple that seem to have a healthy relationship going on or a happily married couple or better yet see a man with a beautiful woman who is smart/ hardworking with all good virtues or a woman with a “perfect” man and still hear that one of them cheated or cheated on each other and got shocked? You wonder how could it have happened? What could have been the problem?

In today’s society this seems to be happening more often and it’s quite saddening. But what could really lead to a man or woman to cheat. Everyone deserves a healthy relationship. Everyone deserve to love and be loved and be genuinely happy.

Sometimes the reason could shock you.

- It might not be sexual frustration

-Not the lack of emotional compatibility

-Not that the new partner is way more attractive

-Not that the cheater was a bad person looking to cheat

Each story is almost similar. He/she met a new person, they first got in touch for some work purpose. They met once or twice again for work purposes but enjoyed that meeting. Soon, they started meeting as friends. They would enjoy each other's company. They soon started lying to their partners about whom they went out with. They soon got closer and intimate. Before they could realise what they were doing is wrong, it was already too late. There was no coming back. They had become too attached to the other person.

So, why do people cheat? I think the answer lies in the biology and psychology of human beings. Humans are not biologically designed to be in monogamous relationships. How many of you with a healthy sexual appetite can claim that you have never been attracted to the opposite gender other than your partner? Also, some people are genetically more prone to cheating than others.

Then, there is thrill of novelty and forbiddence.The fact is that every relationship, no matter how great is bound to get less interesting once you have known each other well. Also, everything that is forbidden by the society always appears to be more interesting than it actually is.Then there is ego stroking. The feeling of “I still have it". One reason why older people have an affair with younger ones.When a new person shows interest in you, it boosts your confidence and makes you feel better about yourself. You start associating those good feelings with the new partner.

An affair is a violation to an agreement, a trust, a contract and boundaries need to be set, respect need to be uphold between partners and each has to have control their impulses toward their desires. I believe honesty, respect, communication and self discipline are important values for a healthy relationship, for loyalty.

Mastering/controlling your desire is the key to loyalty. Desire will never leave you satisfied. It is the erotic energy of aliveness that’s comes with the fantasy of the affair. So the kiss that you only imagine of giving can be just as powerful as hours of actual love making. Desire is about feeling important, feeling seen, feeling desired, having someone’s attention back on you, feeling that you matter, all the stuff that often get depleted inside one’s committed relationship and not just by the fault of the other.

If there is an affair, there must be something missing. There either be something missing in your relationship or something in you. Often when you are attracted by the gaze of another it isn’t just because you want to leave the person that you are with but because you want to leave the person that you have yourself become. And it isn’t just because you want to meet somebody else but you want to meet another self. There is no greater other than a different version of yourself.

What is it that you do to make your partner feel that they are special, that they are the one that you will still choose every morning when you wake up? That they are the one you want to be with the next morning and every other morning. How do you manifest your love, your appreciation, your admiration for your partner? The way you manifest your love for each other is what will determine how healthy the relationship is going to be.