What Is the Key to a Good Marriage? Understanding How to Fight

Have you ever considered the idea of marriage? What does it mean to you? Many couples nowadays are just concerned with the big day, forgetting that marriage is everything else. The days ahead, when the spotlights are turned off, the sequins and sequins are removed, and we find ourselves running the house and paying off debts to make the big day unforgettable. Daphne de Marneffe, a psychologist and expert in couples counseling, came to this conclusion in her New York Times column. "People are still getting engaged, and how: according to Wedding Wire data, the peak is between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day, but most of them are all focused on to-do lists to be processed, on countdowns, suppliers, and places, neglecting the far more crucial post ".

"Couples want to savor those moments of pure bliss," says sociologist Andrew Cherlin. "As a result, weddings have become less of a symbolic representation of a couple's commitment to a shared future and more of a beautifully prepared show to post on Instagram."

Not that the wedding itself isn't stressful: you end up idealizing it just as a romantic expression, and you're not prepared for how nerve-wracking the pre-marital quarrel may be on any little detail, including the menu decision. Money, for example, is a constant cause of marital strain and conflict. "According to a poll conducted in the United Kingdom, three-quarters of couples who have to marry pay more than they would have wanted to plan their wedding day, and a quarter of the couples who went into debt for their marriage would regret it shortly afterward. "And the conflict continues even after that when she wants to invest the money in a trip and he wants to put it in an expensive automobile, and you continue to ponder in silence since you can't agree."

"After 20 years of working with couples as a psychotherapist, I can assert that there are couples who argue about the same futile things after 17 years, with nothing changing over time, and couples who break up after 17 years, because they cannot communicate to deal with the most difficult questions," de Marneffe says.

Marriage is thus a type of partnership on beliefs and goals between couples. «However, to cooperate, you must be able to communicate fruitfully, including the counterparts in a continuous effort of mutual understanding. Partners in successful relationships do not avoid anger, but they do not suppress it; they tackle unpleasant situations without dismissing them, and they apologize for their terrible actions ».

Not just a beautiful day, but also a persistent effort to untangle the daily misconceptions. "The quarrel is synonymous with confrontation when it turns into a discussion - This is why, in a healthy couple relationship, conflicting moments represent an exchange and an interaction which, once resolved, become a resource in the dynamic of two." During the quarrel, the partners animatedly express their opinion, opposing each other and giving value to their ideas.

«Yes, debating involves fiercely stating one's position and seeking to impose it on the other without leaving space for subtleties. To debate, on the other hand, implies creating this space, listening while retaining one's viewpoint and enabling the other to voice their own opinion. There is an interchange in the debate that is lacking in the dispute. In this instance, the two partners create a "symmetrical" dynamic in which there is no prospect of meeting. In the conversation, on the contrary, there is an interaction. You may argue without arguing or argue without arguing, which is a preferable option. However, if one gets to transcend the first phase of the most fierce fight, gradually relinquishing one's rigidity «, a dispute might transform into a debate.

How can the dispute be turned into a source of progress for the marriage rather than a source of destruction? Dr. Suppa was questioned, and the answers may be seen in our gallery, in the form of a practical guidebook. If you are already married, they will help you identify new ways to strengthen the couple's relationship; if you are not yet married, consider placing a talk about how you want to settle disagreements in the future on the organization's to-do list. Perhaps it is appropriate for you.

1. Pay attention to yourself

Listen to the other after a brief period in which your view is blurred by wrath. You might discover this way that you were too preoccupied screaming against him to pay attention to his statements.

2. Do not put a stop to the conversation.

You give yourself the option to reopen it at a later time when you are more relaxed. This is to make things clearer. Image from the film I despise you, I abandon you…

3. Don't pass judgment on others

Just because somebody doesn't think like you do not imply he is incorrect. Refuse the powerful urge to alter him, to influence his beliefs. In reality, there is a claim to be correct in the argument. The issue is that this sensation is mutual. This leads to the impossibility of resolution, which is why it is critical to emphasize that we do not have the absolute truth at our disposal.

4. Convert the quarrel into an argument.

Learn to set yourself out from the crowd. Being unique does not exclude one from having a relationship; rather, it implies retaining one's identity. Are you willing to give yourself legitimacy in this? Are you willing to accept the uniqueness of others? If you answered yes, it suggests your partnership is prepared to manage a disagreement and transform it into a debate. Otherwise, you will quickly face a predicament. The image is from the television show Grey's Anatomy.

5. Contextualize the discussion

The conversation is not damaging if you manage to contextualize it rather than generalizing it. In reality, when you fight, you run the risk of having a catastrophic and unfiltered attitude, which magnifies the target of the argument and spreads the dispute. This is indicative of a destructive and defeatist mindset that risks generalizations in the absence of optimism. Instead, contextualizing the time and the content of an argument is beneficial. Women on the verge of a nervous collapse is an image from the film Women on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

6. Avoid battling for attention.

Do not see the conflict as a means of attracting the other's attention, because doing so would result in the exact reverse, namely his gradual withdrawal. If you see flaws in the relationship, it is better to express them than to hold a grudge and eventually explode.

7. Avoid flowing on the physical plane.

Allow the dispute to leave the verbal realm and manifest itself in the physical world. This, in addition to being harmful to oneself and the other, is a manner that puts the issue in an inaccessible, insoluble zone, until it becomes exacerbated. If the disagreement spills over onto the physical level, it must be stopped, even if it means physically leaving.

8. Apologize after the fight

In these circumstances, terrible words are frequently said, weighty words that risk amassing in the thoughts of the other; the same is true when you are the object of others' remarks. This is why, out of respect for the other and oneself, it is necessary to apologize. When you are furious, you may exaggerate vocally, but the crucial thing is to recognize this and ensure that your anger is channeled productively via discourse.

Thank you for reading!

See you next time!

Wero