How to Deal with Jealousy?

Jealousy is one of the most damaging phenomena that may occur in a relationship. Everyone, to some extent, has felt this emotion: a pinch of healthy jealousy is needed in any relationship, but we must distinguish between "good" and "bad" jealousy: a relationship might be challenging, but an overdose of jealousy can only lead to relationship degradation.

Respect and trust are the foundation of any good relationship and one of the indicators of a happy pair. However, jealousy and anxiety, especially when it manifests as obsessive jealousy, may destroy even the most secure partnership, calling the entire romance into question.

But what does it mean to be overly envious? First and foremost, it implies a lack of confidence in your spouse, a fear that he would lie, deceive, or otherwise. Begin to have incorrect or obsessive ideas and habits, such as scrutinizing every move the other person makes, how they behave or dress, aseeking telltale signs. In the throes of envy, we often check the phone, bombarding it with inquiries after a night out, setting traps that drive him to disclose himself. All of which we would most likely not do if the trust was the foundation.

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How to Deal with Jealousy

The trouble with jealousy is that it plays on our concerns, trapping us in a dangerous vicious spiral that may cause significant pain for both spouses. You may not be able to stop being jealous overnight, but if we recognize that jealousy is threatening our relationship and our mental health, here are some strategies for dealing with it.

1 - Admitting you are jealous 

"I'm not jealous," how many times have we said? Still, admitting that you have a problem, including envy, is the first step in resolving it. Only by identifying and naming a problem can one confront it and attempt to overcome it. Being self-critical is one of the most difficult things to accomplish because it compels us to confront our fears and flaws. However, if you want to overcome jealousy, the first step is to take a step back, look at yourself objectively, and see that this scenario is giving us grief and harming our relationship.

2 - Recognizing what makes you jealous

Unhealthy jealousy frequently stems from a lack of self-esteem, which leads to a fear of being alone or abandoned, and it is this fear that drives us to act in irrational or out-of-control ways. Is it possible that my boyfriend may cheat on me? I keep him from leaving the house without my permission. Is it possible that I am envious of a new coworker? I pay him unexpected visits and spy on his phone. All acts that stem from a desire to exert control over the other, as if our continual presence might prevent the worst from happening. Perhaps we feel envious because we have been betrayed in the past, or because we spend so little time with our relationship. One of the first steps is to talk about it openly since this will help you to discover shared solutions to the situation.

3 - Establish a trusting friendship

Because trust and jealousy are incompatible in a relationship, learning to trust your spouse is essential. It is pointless to construct a skyscraper if the foundation is shaky. But, more importantly, trust cannot be purchased; it must be created and established day by day. What should I do? Taking what we are informed to be true, for example, allows everyone to have their own space without disturbing the freedom of others. Working on empathy and putting yourself in the shoes of others enables you to see clearly if what you are doing is good or wrong. How would we feel if we couldn't go out with our friends, if we weren't believed when we said anything, or if we couldn't leave our mobile phones on the table for fear of being searched? Understanding how the other person feels is the first step toward being aware of your inappropriate behavior.

4 - To communicate

Communication is the golden law of each relationship, as evident as it is sacred. In reality, many envy issues stem from the unspoken: when we don't know something, our minds begin to play games on us, filling the blank with the most terrifying speculations, or building grudges until they burst. It is critical to build a healthy and effective relationship by discussing how the day went, how we feel, and our aspirations, and anxieties. In everyday life, it is vital to carve out tiny times to chat about the day (through cellphones from the table! ), or switch off the television at dinner and talk about future projects or what disturbed us about the spouse at any given time and how you can strive to avoid it from occurring again.

5 - Be open to new experiences.

Recognizing that you are jealous is the first step, but being ready to change is also crucial. Change is difficult, especially when it begins with uncertainty or poor self-esteem. But, if we care about our relationship, we must recognize that change is required if we do not want to lose the person we love.

Thank you for reading.

See you next time!

Wero