Two Mothers

Dear Mother,

I didn't understand. As a child I wanted you to leave my dad. I loved him but I felt like he wasn't being the best father or the best husband. I had always thought that our lives would have been better without him. I knew that he was an alcoholic. I realized during my teenage years that he had a drug addiction. So, I never understood why you just didn't leave.

I also didn't have the proper respect for you and all of the things that you had done for my sisters and me. Working day and night. Taking care of everything in the house. Taking care of every aspect of our lives from homework to doctor's visits. I had just thought to myself that it was what a mother was supposed to do. I also felt that maybe it was your fault. That had you just left him you could find someone that would really support you.

After a while the lack of respect became even worse. Although my dad had all of those issues, there were times that I labeled you the bad parent. You were the one that made us do chores. You were the one that didn't accept C's on our report cards. The one that spanked us. The one that forced us to go to school every day. The one that forced us to go to the Kingdom Hall. The one that wouldn't buy us the sneakers that we wanted. You were the one that disappointed me. There were honestly times where I thought that maybe I'd live with my dad if you left him.

Now that I've grown and have children of my own, I've realized that I've been disrespectful in my thoughts and behaviors. I realize now that as a woman and mother you were able to understand and foresee things that I couldn't. So, I do want to offer you the sincerest of apologies.

First of all, the saying that it takes a village is so true. You especially needed that village with having three daughters and a son. Although there was a religious aspect to it taking us to the Kingdom Hall gave us that village. So many people there made good impacts on our lives as children. I met my lifetime friends(brothers) through that religion. Those were people men and women that we could trust and rely on when we needed them.

You also knew that we needed our dad. Despite his flaws you had enough foresight to know that staying with him was the best thing for us. I never once thought about the fact that you did have four kids. That would have been a real challenge for another man to come and take on. I also never thought about the dangers that having a new man in the house could have presented for my sisters. You thought about all of those things.

As I look back on my relationship with my dad, I realize that it wasn't as bad as I thought. I remember all of the movies and wrestling. I remember the toughness that he instilled in me. I remember quite a few good times with him that slipped my mind as a child. Funny thing is that although I do remember some of the let downs, they haven't impacted me as much as the good times. I host my podcast because of him. Telling me that I can do anything. He gave me my love of entertainment. The same entertainment that is the basis of my show. I'm now grateful that I have him in my life and I'm grateful to you for that.

The chores taught us the importance of cleanliness and gave us a sense of responsibility. The spankings and punishments let us know that there were consequences for our actions. I understand all of that now.

School was probably the biggest misunderstanding and lack of respect out of all. School was the cause of most of my spankings and punishments. I didn't understand why we had to go every single day. I didn't understand why C's were unacceptable. You understood it though. You knew that you were preparing us for life as adults. That we were going to have to go to work even when we didn't want to. That we were going to have to have an education just to get those jobs we were going to have. You even knew that C's weren't my best. I always thought it was about passing or failing but for you it was a lesson in always doing your best. You could not accept that a C was the best grade that I could get. That's exactly what motivates me to do the best that I can today.

So, mother looking back I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for keeping my dad in our lives. Thank you for all of those life lessons that you've taught us. Thank you for having the judgement and foresight to make the right decisions with our lives. Thank you for being the strong woman and great mother that you have been. I truly believe that I am the man I am today because of the woman that you were back then.

I Sincerely Apologize Love and Thank You

Your son, Tyrone

Dear Mother,

I've always heard the saying that it takes a village. As a child that village was the people in the Kingdom Hall and the few close friends that Linda had. Then due to a lack of respect for Linda's efforts in raising my sisters and me I lost that village.

As a teenager I made a few decisions that I shouldn't have. Those decisions led me on a life path that took me away from some of the people that loved me the most. Although I did feel ashamed at times I always knew that at my core I was still the person that I was raised to be. A few mistakes had labeled me something else though. The people that had watched me grow up now thought me to be some kind of menace. That I had all of a sudden become this very bad person.

That led me to even more mistakes. I leaned heavily on my older sister and got involved in things that she was doing that I knew weren't right. I knew that I wasn't really that person even though no one else could see it.

That was before you came into my life. It may have started with your daughters but over time I came to realize that it came from you. I was honestly shocked when I first developed my relationship with your girls. I had relationships with other children in the neighborhood, but this was different. Your daughters had different values than those other children. They had goals, ambition, talent, and most of all they had respect for themselves and others. They reminded me of my sisters and I before things went astray. Therefore, I never thought they would embrace the so-called menace that I was. They saw past all of that. I was able to have conversations with them as my true self and I really enjoyed that.

I was amazed at them. I was mesmerized by their maturity. At such young ages they knew that I wasn't an alcoholic. I wasn't a drug addict or dealer. That I wasn't a thug even though I did play all of those roles at times. I brushed it off. I thought they are young girls. They are just crushing on the bad boy. That was until I actually spoke with you.

As a single mother you had to be protective of your daughters. You had to keep them safe and raise them to be the beautiful women that they have become. So, to me it wasn't a shock that you felt the need to speak with me. The shock actually came when you allowed me to speak. I was so appreciative of the fact that you didn't just push me away. Despite what you've heard about me. Even despite the fact that I also had an inability to clean up a mess from a previous relationship, you still embraced me.

You allowed me to be honest. You allowed me the opportunity to show you that I wasn't what I was portraying or what I was portrayed as. You became someone that I could confide in. You became someone that I could trust. You've allowed your family to become my village. You knew that even as an adult I still needed a village. You've accepted me with all of my mistakes and flaws. Your daughters have been a great means of mental support for me.

Just like Linda you too had the foresight and judgement to make a good decision regarding your children. Based on that decision I was able to add to my family. I was able to be the man that I knew I always was. Even though it took some time. I was able to eventually shed that terrible image of myself. I was also able to realize that some of the people in my life were not there to help me. You also gave me more wisdom that you even know. You showed me that I didn't have to delete certain people from my life. That I could still be me and allow them to be who they are.

You've been that second rock. That person that I could count on when Linda didn't understand. You and your family have been people that I didn't have to be strong around. That I could cry with. That I could honestly express myself without judgement. That I could make mistakes with, and you all know that they were just that, mistakes. You have been forgiving and loving to me in so many ways. You were truly a mother to me.

I'm not writing this to take anything away from Linda. There's just a part of me that knows that you didn't have to. You would have been more than justified in sending me on my way and you didn't. I have the utmost respect and love for you because of that. I thank you for everything that you've done. All of the talks, advice, hugs, everything I thank you. I thank you for giving me your family. I thank you for helping me become the best me that I can be. I thank you for being my village. I love you.

Sincerely your son

Tyrone.