Tribulations Break and Remake

The book fell to the hardwood as Shea's world began to collapse around her. Everything she's been through in the last few months finally made sense; her husband Vic's irregular behavior, coming home late and avoiding conversation with her. If the book had been printed in ink, she may have just assumed it was a novel he had been reading, but she knew the subtle references to her husband’s habits and favorite things. The part that affected her most was the passion this woman expressed; it was a feeling Shea can’t remember having for Vic.

The first line of the small, black notebook states, "I'm head over heels with another woman's husband and he's also my Boss." The story begins by describing how they met and how this woman endured everyday trying to fight her feelings, knowing full well, they were inappropriate. The woman outlines every which way she tried to avoid these feelings and then goes on to characterize why she could not escape them. The woman recounts all the ways in which Vic knew how to be the best man any woman would fall for. When she was sick, he brought her tea without even being asked, he remembered her favourite color, remembered small details about irrelevant matters, and would help without being asked because he knew she was too proud to ask for help. All the while, as Shea read the words, she could not help but think, “Yea, that’s my guy.” She recalled moments within her relationship with Vic where he did these things for her, but Shea wasn’t as appreciative at the time. She found these little moments to be irritating, assuming her husband was relying on these gestures to alleviate tension from other, more important matters. It was only now that she was realizing, while she was busy being irritated with him, he never stopped doing these things for her. It took no effort for Vic to go above and beyond and be everything she needed.

She continued down each page, reading about all the best qualities in her husband and the day he broke his vow. It caused Shea immense pain to read that her husband was the one that initiated the kiss and made the decision to follow the woman home that night. The woman was explicit, writing every moment in extreme detail. Shea tried to skip most of it, but her eyes instinctively picked up words that, when connected, made her wish her encounters with her husband had been more like that. If what she was reading was true, then her husband felt very passionately about this woman. They did things Shea couldn’t even fathom doing. It was no wonder her husband strayed, knowing full well she was not giving him what he needed. Again, the woman exclaims her guilt for allowing the interaction to happen, she tries to convince herself that she won’t let it happen again, but that she wanted to be that someone he could come to when he needed to release. Tears came to Shea’s eyes when she realized she was no longer that person for her husband. She used to be the one he could rely on, the sun on his cloudy day, his rock, and his waves.

Shea was torn between feelings of guilt and anger. Vic had given Shea everything she had ever needed or wanted for over a decade. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for her and she knew that. In her mind, Shea kept wondering if everything she’s gotten upset about has been worth it? Was she upset for valid, logical reasons or was she just taking her anger about other things, out on him? Were the issues even worth fighting about? Had she taken her boundaries too far and shut him out for good? Maybe she was the cause of all their pain. Shea reminded herself no matter what she did that his actions were not okay, but there was an understanding now.

Thoughts of anger and guilt turned to acceptance and how to move forward. Should she just let him go? What’s done is done and maybe instead of getting mad she could just accept that he was happy with someone else and let him be. Maybe their time together has come to an end and maybe she should be gone by the time he got home. This thought process seemed easier on everyone. Shea flipped through pages of handwritten notes, scribbled hearts, happy faces and ultimately gave up. Her heart couldn’t handle knowing exactly how happy he was with someone else.

Shea put the book back in his bag and with tears rolling down her cheek, she text her mom asking if she could stay with her for a while and began to pack her bags. She was going to miss their dog most of all. As Shea packed, Buddy lay on the bed watching her intently as if he knew exactly what was going on. She pet him on the head and told him she’d miss him, grabbed her coat and purse and head out the door.

* * *

Shea had left Vic a note on the counter before leaving. It read,

“Vic,

I think we both need a bit of space.

I think I’m starting to understand better now

why we’ve been disconnected. I’ve gone to my mom’s.

Just give me a bit of time and we can talk afterward. -Shea”

Vic stood by the counter reading the note unaware of why she felt they needed time apart. He called her immediately, but she did not answer the phone. He left her a concerned and worried voicemail, ending it with love and went on to call her mother. Her mother answered, but simply said, “Vic, we will call you back when we’re ready. Just give her a little time. We’ll talk later.”

Vic stood there in agony wanting more of an answer than he was given. He knew he had been quite busy lately, but he felt he had still been attentive. He scrolled through his mind for a few minutes wondering where her words were coming from and trying to figure out if he had done something wrong or if he forgot about something. After a while, he decided to put those thoughts away, eat and go about his day until she called back. He made a call and on the other end of the line was the voice of the writer. With Shea out of the house, knowing she wouldn’t be home tonight, it was the perfect opportunity for them to continue conversing.

* * *

Shea told her mother absolutely everything and when she finished getting it all off her chest she simply smiled, handing her a tissue.

“Dear, that man has been by your side for over a decade. Whatever this notebook is, you can’t let it be the one factor that you make a decision based upon. You have no idea what this notebook is, you have no idea if it is actually about your husband and even if it is, we don’t know if any of the information is true or not. You better give that man a chance to explain himself before you go giving up on him. I strongly advise against leaving him without giving him that opportunity. Other than the book, what other reason do you honestly have to suspect him of cheating?”

Shea sighed; she really didn’t have much to go on. “He’s been distant, and I have a feeling he’s being somewhat secretive. He hasn’t been giving me straight answers about plans for the future, he won’t discuss any big plans with me and I guess I just feel like he’s avoiding me.”

“Have you spoken to him about these feelings you’re having? Have you told him about your concerns?”

Shea felt like a fool, “Well, no, I haven’t said anything to him.” Her mother was right, she shouldn’t be letting her emotions get the best of her and she should likely just talk to her husband. Shea hugged her mother, grabbed her purse and decided to head back to the house to talk to Vic.

When Shea pulled onto the street, she noticed Vic’s car pulling out of the driveway. She couldn’t help the urge to continue assuming the worst, so she kept her distance and followed him. He pulled into the parking lot of their local community centre; it wasn’t even five minutes from their home. Was he seriously committing that close to home? Shea disgusted herself and then tried to convince herself she knew nothing yet. She would wait until she was sure. She watched him get out of his car and head into the building, so she did the same. She saw him through the front window of the door going into a separate room, so she stepped through the front door being as quiet as possible. She slowly and carefully peered through the pane in the door and she couldn’t believe her eyes. He had his arms wrapped around the writer from his workplace. Shea burst through the door.

“I knew it. Why Vic? Why? After over a decade of time spent on us. The crap we’ve had to go through to get where I thought we were today? What is this? Why couldn’t you just break up with me instead of this?” She looked at the writer revoltingly, up and down.

“I know I can’t blame you for stealing my husband, but I hate that you make him so happy.”

Both Vic and Kay looked at Shea in shock and confusion. In sync, both Vic and Kay said, “What are you talking about?” Shea now had tears in her eyes and she couldn’t even speak. Vic gently grabbed her by the arms.

“Babe, I could never touch another woman but you, and if you just take a breath and look around, you might understand why I’ve been so secretive lately. Not that it’s an excuse, I can see how my recent behaviour could cause you to be suspicious and for that I am truly sorry. Why didn’t you just talk to me?”

“I was coming to talk to you and then I saw you leave the house, so I followed you and I wasn’t sure what was going on and I couldn’t control the pestering thoughts and emotions.”

Vic just smiled, put his hand on her face, wiping her tears away and kissed her gently.

“Look.” He maneuvered his hand around the entire room.

There were decorations everywhere, streamers of blue and gold, a long table full of all Shea’s favourite foods and another with all her favourite desserts. Another table on the other side of the room with many gifts and her favourite flowers in every corner.

“This was supposed to be a surprise, hence the secrecy. Again, I’m sorry. Kay has been helping me get everything prepared. In the background Kay stood there a little uncomfortable, not knowing what to do.

* * *

The party was coming to a close and it was time for the big surprise. Vic pulled Shea in close for a final dance and as the song began to fade in the background, he presented her with an envelope. That passion, the feeling she thought she had lost, it turns out it had been there all along. It was the feeling that came with the eye contact she shared with Vic. Shea had only pulled out it’s contents slightly before she gasped, and her eyes filled with enormous delight. In the envelope was a winning lottery ticket for $20,000.

“How about you let me take you out and make up for making you think that you’re not the only one for me because that’s exactly what you are and that’ll never change.”