To the Girl Who Lost Her Dad Too Soon

by Hannah Brown about a year ago in grief

You’re stronger than you think.

To the Girl Who Lost Her Dad Too Soon

Let’s start this off by saying I’m sorry. There is nothing that anyone can do to make this okay or better. There is no justifying. But here’s to peace.

My own father died when I was 19. It has been a year, and maybe I’m too close to write this piece, but I think it needs to be said. Your feelings are justified. Whether it’s two days after or twenty years, if you feel sad or angry or heart broken, that’s what you feel and you need to ride that out.

He won’t be there for your wedding day. He can’t walk you down the aisle, or have the daddy-daughter dance. He won’t be there to eat all the wedding cake, drink a rum and coke, and joke about how your husband is stuck with you now.

He won’t be there when you have children. He won’t be able to toss them in the air. Smother them with kisses. Call them princess. He won’t be there to make them feel as special as he made you feel. And the moment you realize this, you wonder if your kids are going to miss out on one of the most wonderful parts of your childhood: your dad.

If your car breaks down I hope you have AAA because he can’t tell you how to fix it or come and get you. You won’t find him under your car replacing the brakes on a Saturday morning when you’re still in pajamas.

The tea that he drinks will go bad and have to be thrown out. The pastries he loved lost their flavor. The chocolates he would hide are all melted now. Everything you once knew to be true are all hazy and unsure.

You think about the fact that you’re the youngest and your siblings got to have more time. They had children when he was still here. They got to be walked down the aisle. And although they got what you didn’t, you can’t help but be grateful because at least they got that chance. At least your nieces and nephews got to have a Papi who loved them so much and that makes you smile.

grief
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Hannah Brown

Welcome to my page! I started this as a way to document my travels and journeys as a young woman in today’s society. 

See all posts by Hannah Brown