To break the feeling of having nothing to say, you must know these 3 points

I have seen such a sentence: "Marry a person who likes talking to you, when you get older, you will find that two people have something to talk about how interesting it is."

Yes, it's hard to find someone to talk to in a relationship, but it's also important.

Life in the world, parents will always be a step away from us, friends around us come and go, there are always different close and distant roles into, only the other half of the side, can be with you for the rest of your life.

You'll have many meals and many nights together.

The most you do between you is talk, a marriage does not have a lot of fireworks and romance, there is only the trivial things of life, and a lot of useless and even boring words.

A good relationship is that we can chat with each other anytime and anywhere, without worrying about rudeness, without self-blame, without fear of being cold and rebuked.

On the other hand, if there is nothing to say, if you are afraid, or if the other person speaks but you do not want to listen, such a relationship will not last.

Robin Williams said, "The most terrible thing in the world is not to die alone, but to die with someone who makes you feel lonely."

If you are also facing the situation that you have nothing to say to the other person, how to deal with it?

We can try to improve in three ways.

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The principle of "commonality"

A student told me that she and her boyfriend have no common interests, no common topics, it is difficult to talk together, often feel very depressed and powerless, she is very worried about their relationship.

This is probably the trouble that many couples encounter in their relationships.

In fact, we can find that two people have nothing to say the essential problem is: no common topic.

In most cases, the reason for not having a common topic is: no common interests.

From the rational level, people are like moths are "light" nature.

The "light" here is what we want to say "commonality", just like many girls like to go shopping with girls who "also like to go shopping", boys are more willing to play games with boys who like to play games.

Therefore, you have to start from the source, explore the "commonality" between you, and start from the commonality to open the topic, which will certainly let you talk.

For example:

You find that when you eat hot pot, you both like to put a lot of sesame paste in the serving bowl;

You both have a particular fondness for a particular fruit;

You both like to watch a certain variety show;

......

This requires you to carefully observe to explore, every common little thing can bring you unexpected surprises, more can bring you a topic.

When you find out, you can surprise each other and say, "Honey, I found out that the two of us actually...".

If you don't think you have much in common, it's a good idea to develop a long-term shared interest.

You can like the same mobile game, you can like to read the same author's novel, you can also like to watch the same type of movies and so on.

In this way, try to do things with each other that keep both of you spending time and interested. When both of you are on the same page, you won't run out of things to say.

The so-called good love is to get closer to the common and "grow together".

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Use familiarity to put yourself in your shoes

When two people get along for a long time, some will make each other more or less bored because of the extreme sense of familiarity, and some will ignore each other because they pay attention to their own growth, and have no desire to communicate, so they have nothing to say.

Even if it is to express different emotions, whether it is surprise, doubt or opposition, just replace it with one word: "um" or "ah", but the tone is different.

At this time, we need to start from the level of creating freshness and use familiarity to transpose expression.

For example, if the other person wants to use "um" or "ah" to express their feelings, you can be a step ahead and say it in a funny way that the other person can easily listen to.

The first step here is to be clever, to be wonderful, to be interesting.

We can use "role play".

You can automatically bring in some characters in the dialogue scene, such as the emperor and the pet princess, the domineering president and the silly white sweet, the princess and the knight, the savage girlfriend, the superiors and subordinates, and so on.

For example, when you see the other side's face is dull, it is not a wise way to carefully avoid or fight violence against violence at this time, you may as well put on a sincere smile, an arm around his shoulder and say: "Brother, what's wrong, who makes you angry, tell big brother, big brother gives you a breath."

Or a face of grievances and said: "Oh your Majesty, you have a lot of trouble, finally find time to come to my concubine here, how not happy, is the concubine where to do not make you angry?"

In fact, the application of the role is flexible, as long as you handle it properly, you can certainly bring the interest value to the other side, and he will be willing to change his attitude.

Coupled with the novelty of your occasional style change, he is interested in you again on a conscious level and is willing to communicate with you.

When you get out in front of them and show them that you care about them in an interesting way, they will genuinely want to communicate with you, and then you can be open and say:

"Dear, this time I feel that both of us are not in a very good state, I have been working under pressure recently, I have neglected your feelings, are you blaming me in your heart?" Why don't we go romantic this weekend and relax?"

In addition, we can also start from the level of "empathy" to stimulate the freshness between the two.

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Create shared experiences

Many couples have said a lot of topics about "we will go somewhere in the future" after getting together, but most of the time they are not delayed because of life trifles, or they are submerged by ordinary life.

So don't wait for later, cherish the present, live in the moment.

Rationally speaking, if you want to have more common topics between two people, you need to create common emotional values with common emotions as a starting point.

The key to shared emotional value is to create "experiences that only the two of you know."

These shared experiences can add to the "code words" that only the two of you know on the whole earth, the tacit understanding that you two smile at each other when everyone around you is confused, which is the best preservative for your relationship.

It can also give you emotional fire points, each fire point can light up a topic, and carry on with the emotional waves.

We can expand the common emotional value from the ideological, behavioral, material and other aspects to sublimate the intimacy of the connection between the two sides.

For example, you can learn an art together, or try to participate in each other's work, help the Internet to find materials, organize things, etc., through learning a certain field of knowledge together, enhance the ideological connection between the two sides.

You can also do housework together, travel together, go bungee jumping together, attend parties together, etc., to strengthen the relationship at the behavioral level.

You can also buy a couple's outfit together, raise a pet together, both sides jointly provide a mortgage for a car loan, etc., so as to increase the material connection between the two sides.

In short, let both sides become a part of each other's lives, integrate into each other's lives, support each other and encourage each other.

Finally, love stage or marriage stage worth mentioning, good feelings are carefully managed, many times not between you have no topic, but you did not find the right way to communicate, did not find the entry point of communication.

Look at the problem from a different Angle and say it in a way that the other person is willing to accept, so that he can put down his psychological defensiveness and communicate honestly with you.

Express it in interesting and empathic ways, and the other person will have the motivation to talk to you, and the relationship will develop steadily.

~end~

If you have any ideas, feel free to leave them in the comments section.

~This is Antoine, and I hope you find pleasure in each of my articles~