Tips to Make Divorce Mediation Work For You

Going through a divorce is hard enough. Your whole life is going to change. Some will be better, but other parts are going to be downright challenging. You have to find a way to divide up all of your assets, as well as your debts. Though you may think that you have to go to the courts in order to get divorced, the truth is that there are other options. 

Divorce mediation can be a great way to get divorced, without lawyers and going through the court system. If you have been thinking about going through mediation (or even if you have never even heard about it), you should read the article I wrote about the benefits. If you haven't had a chance, you can check it out right here.

That being said, mediation isn't always easy. You have to be willing to put in the work. You have to be willing to compromise so that you can come up with a solution. 

Not sure where to start? Here are some tips to make mediation work for you.

Choose the right person to help you through this time. The simple truth is that not all divorce mediators are the same. Some will just sit there and let the two of you hash out all of the specifics, while others are more likely to chime in and help you figure out what will work best. 

You need to decide what you think that you will need. If you think that your divorce is really cut and dry, you may not need much guidance. However, if you are worried about it at all, you may want someone who is willing to pitch in to come up with a solution. 

Don't give up right away. Too many couples start with mediation, and then they quickly decide that they need to have lawyers, and they need to go to court in order to settle their differences. However, if you are serious about mediation, you need to be ready to put in the work. You can't give up at the first sign of trouble. 

In fact, if you go into mediation worrying that it is not going to work out for you, you are probably right. You need to have an open mind and be willing to let it work for you. 

Know what you want (and what you can compromise on). It is important that you have an idea about what you want out of your divorce before you even start the process. There are going to be some non-negotiable things, but there may be some things that you want, but feel like you could compromise on. 

Even more important, you need to be able to explain why you feel the way that you do. You should be able to keep your family heirlooms, and may be willing to compromise on something else in order to do so. 

You may need some financial support since you haven't been working full-time. You know that it may take some time to find a better job, and you don't want to have to get a job just to have one. It helps to have some money to fall back on so that you can find a job that you love. 

Though it can be really hard, you need to think about your children's needs, before your own. Nobody wants to give up custody of their children, but you have to figure out what is best for them before you start fighting. 

If one parent works sixty hours every week, they aren't going to have time to do homework during the week with their children. In fact, they will probably need someone to help watch them while they are working. For this reason, it might be better for them to stay with their other parent during the week. 

You don't even have to come up with a solution that involves certain days or weekends that they spend with certain parents. Work around both of your schedules. If one parent works later than the other, instead of hiring a babysitter, have that parent keep them after school until the other parent is finished with work. You can decide together what is going to be best for your children! 

That being said, your parenting plan can change. The truth is that things change quickly in children's lives. Your children may need one parent over another during certain times in their lives. Once they get a little older, their schedules may change. They may start to drive and end up coming and going as they please. 

The simple truth is that divorce mediation is a great way to settle your divorce, as long as you are both willing to put in the work. You both need to know what you want and what you are willing to compromise about. It helps to know your reasons for why you are feeling the way that you are. Otherwise, you won't be able to tell your ex in a way that he or she will understand. 

Then, there is the parenting plan. This is usually the hardest part, though you really just need to think about your children. You need to do what is best for them, not yourself. And remember that it can always change!

Previously published at Medium.