"The world is so cruel; my heart torn in two"

I don't know who took this pic of me some ten odd years ago, or what was going through my mind at the time. It's self-evident however that I might could have avoided a lot of heartbreak and whatnot had I just taken the advice of my "old heads" around that general timeframe.

I don't know at exactly what point it hit me during my midnight run for toiletries, and an ATM or two, tonight; though, it hit me that the only reason that "the internet is undefeated" still is because she's yet to get in the ring with life itself. It's indisputable: Life throws the best "two piece" by any stretch of the imagination (save God Himself).

I know that we likely came close to losing the internet in her infancy what with the "dot com bubble" and what have you. I don't have a clue as to how the younger generations are going to survive if/when the internet actually gets into the ring with life and pulls a Nate Robinson (gets knocked out in round two out of six).

In any event, I falsely believed that I knew heartbreak after a bad break up, or being told "Bye" intentionally, to put bad juju on me, after refusing a goodnight kiss from me to one of my offspring. However, the words "I hate Daddy" will ring in the back of my mind for decades to come I'd imagine.

Of course, I'm nowhere near the best dad in the world; and I'm not in the best headspace, or putting out positive vibes rather, most of the time. Still, I'm pretty sure that those three little words can wreck the song of any "Three Little Birds" in just about any situation.

Technically, my oldest, who just had a Born Day this past weekend isn't "begotten" from me. With that being said, my ugly self is pretty much the only father figure that my Little Ones have ever known.

As Big Boi stated back in '98, on his "smokin' word" sesh, "raising your own young'n with somebody else's daughter" is only a "beautiful thang...if you're on top of your game and man enough to handle real-life situations" (-"SpottieOttieDopalicious", the twelfth track on OutKast's third studio album, "Aquemini"). At times, I believe that I haven't been on top of my game since around the time that that pic was taken over a decade ago.

I'm pretty sure that I could have been a better dad in a myriad of ways, regardless of who's keeping score. Suffice it to say that I plan to do everything in my power to make sure that I never hear those words again; regardless of flaring tempers and ostensible aloofness.

While I'm fairly certain that these unprecedented times what with the pandemic and all will make my efforts much more challenging, I can only imagine the joy I will feel to hear the essentially reciprocal words, "I love you, Daddy" on a regular basis; with a genuine sentiment no less. If my offspring all exhibit health, wealth, and knowledge of self; what more could I ask for?

Before I forget, the straight cross punch that immediately followed the stiff jab of those hurtful words was the passing of the family pup; at the ripe old age of 98 dog years (that's 14 years in human timeframes for the less knowledgeable). Please keep me and mine in your thoughts and prayers as we were unable to be with Missy in her final hours.

Tl;dr- I'm praying that me and my Seeds can laugh and joke about these times, and those incredibly hurtful words, at some point in the not too distant future. Have I ever made statements that I sincerely regret, in regards to the ones that loved me the most, for the sake of sounding ignorant? Without question.

General obtuseness notwithstanding, a wise, indie Hip Hop artist once rapped "Real n**s fall off; but we always Bounce Back"- SmCity (2014).