The Inevitable Countdown

In every human's life, there is a beginning and an end. This is well-known, inevitable, and expected, but it doesn't make it any easier to prepare for it. This is a sensitive topic, not one that is easy to approach, but it is a topic nonetheless that should be openly discussed. I have opened the conversation, for the simple fact that there are plenty of people in the world that don't have anyone to talk to when they have experienced a loss and go about life wallowing in their grief. I have experienced losing a couple of close family members, when it happened, seemed completely unbearable, it still is equally difficult to this day. I tried to handle the loss without the need to talk about it with anyone, in fear that I didn't want to "burden" anyone, but as time passed, I slowly noticed how mentally unhealthy of a habit I had created. I have a couple of things I can continue writing concerning the subject, and due to my recent experiences.

A few years ago, was the first loss I experienced for someone very close to myself and my family. My uncle on my dad's side was a kind-hearted man, always joyful, humorous, giving, and the best uncle I could've ever had. He was the youngest of his siblings, a family of 6 plus children (boys and girls); the way my dad would describe my uncle, was "he was a son to me... I grew up looking after him, always taking the blame for what he did". Of course, like all the older siblings, we have a sense of responsibility to look after the younger ones, watch over them as if they are our own. But, the relationship between those two was incredible. My uncle went through a few rough patches, making bad decisions, experimenting with hard drugs, and alcoholism, but overall, he was a great man. My uncle didn't pass away solely due to substance abuse, but due to not taking care of his diabetes; he didn't maintain his health, didn't go to the doctor, was still keeping his bad habits, and just was careless with his condition. When we received the news of his passing, he was living in Colorado, my family and I were in California, and we received a call that they had found him passed away in his trailer. The details of his passing are a bit disturbing, so I will leave them out, but the news hit us like a freight truck, it was very painful. But, the conclusion to this story, was that I learned to talk about it, vent my feelings, and get closure.

More recently, I lost my grandma on April 15, 2020, in the middle of the Coronavirus Pandemic, due to cancer. This is the loss that tore me to pieces, destroyed me, and has been difficult to recover from. She is my mom's mom, she truly was an angel on this planet, the soul of our family, and the person to light a room with her presence. I don't think I can go as long talking about her, as I did about my uncle, it is very hard not to cry, but I have also allowed myself to talk more about her lately. Since I was younger, my grandma had taken care of me, took me to school, practically did a lot for me. Thanks to my grandma, I am a believer in the Catholic religion, she was a great cook (she is the reason that I love cooking), she had the best sense of humor, and super adventurous woman. My grandma had a great spirit, I love her dearly, she was and always will be the best person that I ever had in my life. The conclusion to this story was that she taught me to always speak my mind and to always have faith that everything will get better.

To end the post, I would like to pay tribute to those that we have lost, would like to remind them that they will never be forgotten, will forever live in our hearts and our stories.

- Love you grandma Rosa and Uncle Rudy.