The Hardships of Being a Mother

According to dictionary.com, the definition of mothering is, "The nurturing of an infant or small child by its mother." I'm not a mother - but I am a nurturer. It's essential for my job (working in a school), as an older sister, granddaughter, friend, and surprisingly, there's been times in which I've nurtured strangers. I still feel, somehow, that it doesn't compare to being an actual mother. I'm writing from the point of view of being a daughter, a child of a mother, who is taking steps into healing myself before I decide to become one.

One of the more interesting things that I can't wrap my mind around - is how mothering is a way of learning about oneself. Different types of relationships help us to grow, as we start to see ourselves from another light. From experience - for example, the last time that I was single I stayed single for a few years. I'm currently in a relationship where I'm realizing things about myself that weren't apparent before. Being by myself (even though I perceive myself to be self aware), blinded me of my unhealthy traits and habits. I could only imagine the new ways you can learn about yourself by becoming a mother. Raising a little you or someone that came from you; seems like your exploring life on a whole new level.

Mothering is not always a soft, caring job. It can be difficult for both the mother and child. Especially if you don't understand one another. As humans, we go through phases where people never truly understand us. In my opinion, that thought is heightened in our child/teenage years. This can cause friction. Especially when a mother thinks they know everything about their child. Being too overprotective and anxious causes friction. Being negative causes friction. Lying to your child causes friction, and vice versa. Every choice is crucial when you're a mother. The defnition of a good mother is very flawed, considering the fact that everyone is different, and that comes with different needs. Making the right or wrong choices can either break or make the relationship on both sides.

Which brings me to the next view, mothers are pressured not only to be good, but perfect. A child may not see their mother as a person. People in general, may not see mothers as people. Even as full grown adults. This pressure makes mothers vulnerable, to receiving the blame their child's shortcomings. Even if a mother has done all she could. As humans, there needs to be a constant reminder of our mothers, being mothers the best way they know how. Through their knowledge and how they were parented, ultimately affects how we as children are mothered. We can only hope that our mothers would want to give her childern a better chance. To ensure that her child grows with better opportunities, emotional support, health and wealth, in ways that she couldn't have for herself. A great amount of us aren't so lucky, we get a repeated pattern/cycle. However, we can't expect much from a person who never received the type of love we desire.

Which brings me to my conclusion, real mothering comes when we learn to mother ourselves, when we learn to mother our inner child. Learning to heal ourselves, in a way our mothers have never taught us. Filling in an empty wound from our childhood. This is essential in my opinion. Loving yourself makes it easier to love and care for others, especially your own childern. It's the start of a new cycle. Whatever was missed, your child will pick that up, and hopefully apply it their children or more importantly, themselves.