The Feast

We look forward to the start of winter each year. We gather the blankets now and a warm cup of cocoa and sit on the porch. The air is filled with smells of bread baking, pies cooling off on the window sills and cedar and pine burning in the fireplaces nearby.

The chill in the air is crisp and cold but not unbearable. In our early years, we enjoyed the cold air with a glass of wine or cider spiked with our favorite whiskey and wore sweaters to avoid the chill.

We watch the children playing in the yards kicking up the leaves or making piles to jump into. The neighbors wave and smile at us. After hours of exchanging smiles, warm embraces and kisses, we get up to warm ourselves by the fire inside and begin our "dinner dance" which became a tradition that we have not broken in several years.

My husband gently leads us into our home and places his hand on the small of my back. I can still remember the first time he led me into a room. He held my hand and then gently placed his hand on my back feeling his way to the small of my back. My heart soared and tingles went up and down my entire body when he did that. I knew then he was the one.

Avery is in charge of the fire while I ensure the doors and windows are locked and the blinds are shut tight to keep the cold out. I placed our blankets back on the couch and begin to play our favorite songs. We take turns with the music and begin pulling out all the ingredients we decided on early that morning and begin to create our feast.

The clatter of pots and pans is music to our ears. The first sizzle and the aroma of the spices tickle both our noses. We laugh and sneeze, the cayenne pepper gets us every time.

Avery then takes my hand and leads us to the living room where he holds me close and gives me soft kisses on my cheeks and forehead followed by slow kisses on my lips. Sometimes I tear up because the love between us has gotten so strong that even the softest touch sends chills all over my being.

I love being twirled around, I get lost in the "dinner dance" and even more lost in his eyes. His light blue eyes look back at me with a love I can only describe as a deep ocean of wonder and excitement. I could stare into his eyes all day because they paint a picture in my mind of how far we both have come. We both struggled to let so much go, life is too precious to hold onto any past guilt or shame. They were all just lessons. We would remind each other of this if one of us lost sight of just how far we have come.

"Yesterday was the past, the future is unknown filled with thoughts of what can be and today has always been our present", we would whisper to one another. Avery has been a gift from God and sometimes I feel as though I have a God with him. He still walks with this purpose of treading lightly on the ground but fierce all at the same time. Like a warrior taking a break from battle. His long hair gently moves with him and I love watching him whisk it from his face and gently pushing it behind his ears.

Perhaps he enjoys watching me too. I catch him staring at me from time to time with this beautiful smile and eyes gazing upon me as if we had just met for the first time. My heart skips a beat when I think of how much we deeply love one another.

I motion him to the kitchen now where we select another song and stir our beautiful feast and double check our food so as not to over cook it. With a light tap on my behind I giggle and wiggle with excitement. Avery laughs with glee like the young man he used to be. When I see him now, I still see the younger version of him. As if time stands still for just a moment and it reflects back to another phase of our life together.

After taking turns playing our favorite songs and dancing in the kitchen and living room, Avery motions me to join him at the table. I clasped my hands in prayer and giggle with excitement. Our feast is prepared, the table is set with a white table cloth along with roses and candles. He was always the romantic and to this day, I appreciate the special touches he puts into our feasts. The music continues to play in the background and we begin to enjoy our meal together.

I get up and clear the table when we are done and prepare the dessert dishes and tray. This is where I get lost in the special preparation to end our beautiful day. Today I chose angle food cake, vanilla ice cream and strawberries along with whip cream. I spiked the apple cider just a bit to warm us.

We sit back down to enjoy our desert and sip on our cider. We both sigh in delight. Avery removes the dishes when we are done and motions me to the couch. He holds his hand out to me, I take it and sit next to him. He places his arms around me and I just melt into him. I lay my head on his shoulder and smile. Another beautiful day, another beautiful memory to make.

It is almost midnight and the chill in the air somehow made it inside. Avery gets up and puts another log on the fire and takes our blankets and covers us up. He kisses me softly on my forehead and I close my eyes. The music continues to play in the background. We can both hear the wind picking up outside and the start of the rain which then turns into sleet. The storm is here just like the news predicted.

It is getting late now and Avery stands up and puts his hand out, I place my hand into his and we begin our dance again. In my mind it is the "dinner dance". Two hearts beating as one, two souls joined by love, two souls walking the path of life. What a beautiful and wonderous feeling. I close my eyes and we embrace exchanging soft kisses and with a gentle nod, I follow Avery to our room. He places his hand on the small of my back and I begin the journey again of how beautiful life has been with him.

For you see, these are just memories for me. Avery left me years ago and I sit here now alone. I still sit on my porch, cook dinner, play music in the background and dance as if Avery was still here. To strangers he is gone but in my heart he lives forever in my memory enough to at times, I can see him smiling in the distance and I can feel him hold me as I rock myself in the living room to our favorite songs.

It is with love I continue our tradition, it is with love I continue the "dinner dance".