"the child is depressed, but I think she is just hypocritical." Parents must read these children's signals for help.

Dr. Hailan.

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Accompany you to face all kinds of ups and downs in life and return to inner peace and harmony.

A wave of epidemic, a round of online classes, a group of broken parents.

In the group of mothers in the middle of the night, the mothers who managed to put their babies to bed spit out grooves one wave after another. A mother suddenly said: "you said that if children can also post moments, are they also complaining about us?"

There is a lot of "ha" in the mother group.

After laughing, I feel heavy.

Not only online lessons, but in many things, we seem to be used to listening to our own voices, while children

Today, I would like to talk about the "voice" behind the "silent child" that we cannot hear.

Mom, I don't want to go to school.

We once shared the story of a mother.

Her husband is a businessman. After giving birth to a daughter, she became a stay-at-home mother.

She worked full-time in order to educate and accompany her daughter, and her daughter lived up to her. She went to school at the age of five, got excellent grades from primary school to junior high school, and was admitted to a key high school. She is regarded by everyone as "the child of someone else."

It was the most satisfying reward for a stay-at-home mother, but it all came to an abrupt end when her daughter was 14.

That year, my first-year senior high school daughter told her husband that she didn't want to study.

When her husband told her the news, it was like a bolt from the blue.

She couldn't accept the fact and questioned her daughter, who cried and told her that she was suffering at school, insomnia, hair loss and breathlessness. The daughter said she had tried her best to fight the situation, but she really "couldn't stand it."

Like all mothers facing this situation for the first time, she loves her daughter, but she is more worried about the fact that she may not be able to go to school.

She went to her daughter's school, only to know that the child's depressive symptoms have appeared for more than half a year, afraid that the mother is worried, the daughter has not said.

She took her daughter to the hospital, who was diagnosed with an "affective disorder".

The daughter dropped out of school and entered a long period of treatment, which is a test not only for the children, but also for the whole family. And the most difficult thing about being a mother is:

Why does my child get this kind of disease?

How can a child be depressed?

Yeah, how can kids be depressed?

When hearing similar stories, adults will inevitably utter such a feeling.

But the reality is that depression is never exclusive to adults.

In the Chinese National Mental Health Development report (2019-2020) released by the Chinese Academy of Sciences, there is such a set of figures: in 2020, the detection rate of depression among Chinese adolescents was 24.6%, including 17.2% for mild depression and 7.4% for severe depression. According to this ratio, one in five children is prone to depression.

Parents are not entirely to blame for ignoring their children's depression.

In fact, before the 1980s, psychologists and psychiatrists generally believed that only adults suffer from depression, and after the 1980s, a series of scientific studies changed this erroneous conclusion.

We often use "carefree" to describe children, but on the back of the sun, teenagers' depression is much more serious than we think.

Sadly, children are naturally weak in the face of depression. They do not have the insight into their emotional problems as adults do, and it is difficult for them to ask for help on their own.

According to data from a few years ago, only one in five teenagers with depression can get the necessary help.

Just like the daughter in the above story, there were a lot of "things wrong" before the diagnosis.

For example, he mentioned to his mother several times: "I feel that my classmates don't like me, and no one wants to play with me."... "

For example, a rebuke from her mother will make her cry and keep it in mind for a long time.

Depression is like a deep river. Every child caught by depression has struggled to call for help, but the process is either ignored or ignored.

Overwhelm the child's last "straw"

The causes of depression are complex, genetic factors, social environment, family relations, parental pressure.

Apart from external factors, the influence from the people closest to them is often the greatest.

Tian Yulan in "Little willing" has reported various cram school specialties to his son since kindergarten. In order to get good grades, he obliterates all the children's hobbies, and in order to monitor his son's study, the glass in his study is transparent.

Her son's report card is her barometer, the award certificate wall in the living room, is her pride, is the child's mountain.

Under high pressure, Ziyou gradually collapsed, hallucinated, tore up the examination paper and ran out of the examination room in an important exam, and was finally diagnosed with depression.

Song Qian in Little Joy, in order for her daughter Yingzi to be admitted to Tsinghua University of Peking University, decorated soundproof walls and transparent windows for her home, made way for her study, made her daughter give up her favorite astronomy, and was not allowed to attend the summer camp at Nanjing University. after her daughter repeatedly tried to apply for Nanjing University, which she longed for most, she fell into helpless and long insomnia and eventually suffered a mental breakdown.

What makes people suffocate is not that the child is depressed, but that when the child is desperate and helpless, he still can't get a response from his mother, is still breathless under high pressure, and still has to endure the accusation that "I'm not for you yet."

When Ziyou had an emotional breakdown and fled the examination room and cried that she didn't want to go to the Mathematical Olympiad class again, her mother still blamed and complained, "I'm not doing it for you." When Yingzi had climbed the bridge and clung to the railing to jump, her mother was still asking, "Why do you have to take the Nanjing University?"...

When children "save themselves" after depression, they instinctively turn to the people closest to them for help, such as parents, friends, teachers. But they could not see the child who kept turning to him for help, just taking these as an excuse for not working hard, not being strong, and not wanting to study hard.

Strength, negation and neglect are all straws added to the child, and you don't know which one finally crushed him.

Be a parent who holds an umbrella for their children

"my child was depressed, but I thought she was just hypocritical."

"my child is sick and I think he is happy all the time."

Behind the smiling faces of children, it may have rained cats and dogs in their world. The children standing in the rain are surrounded by their parents who can't understand them.

As parents, we all love our children, but can we all read them?

Depression is not a child's "vexatious" and "hypocritical", it is an objective disease, before treatment, what it needs most is enough squarely and tolerant understanding.

Empathy from the closest person is the greate