Thank You, Gabriella

It's been months since I last heard your voice... 4 years since I've held you in my arms. I want to begin by letting you know that I'm sorry I let you down. The last 4 years have amounted to the biggest failure of my entire life. I've lost out on so much time with you and I'll never get it back. Gabriella, I also need you to know how much I've missed you. Don't think for a second that I've gone a single day without thinking about you at least twice. The final thing I want you to know is thank you. This may be hard for you to understand but I owe you my life. I had to go through something that changed my life forever. Something that could've taken me out of the game for good. It could've... but it didn't and the reason for that is you.

Saved By Near Death

Over the course of the last year, I faced my greatest struggle against what I'll for now just call my demons. I've gotta admit, they nearly won in the end and I ended up in the hospital. It was on the 30th of August that I was taken to the ER; I had this idea that I'd only be there for 3 days... turns out I would be there until the following year.

It wasn't until the day after I arrived that the doctors were able to tell me what was wrong. They explained to me that the battle with my demons had taken its toll and they had wounded my heart. One doctor, in particular, Dr. Phaun, took a special interest in me. Almost as if she could see that all I needed was a little push in the right direction. One day she sat down next to my bed and told me that I needed to make a choice... Am I going to allow my demons to consume me? Or am I going to stand up, dig deep, and fight back? They nearly won, I nearly died, if I didn't make a change soon they would win. It was this conversation with Dr. Phaun that scared me enough for me to put some deep thought into my situation.

It was on September 7th that I finally knew what I had to do. I would spend the entirety of my time there exercising my mind and planning for what I would do when I got out. It would've been far too easy for me to just call it quits and give in to my demons. Thing is, I knew if I did give up, the person I would be letting down the most was you. The idea of allowing that to happen made me sick to my stomach. Then I realized that my time at the hospital didn't just put me in the position to defeat my demons but it also put me in the position to get you back. However, I defeating my demons before I left the hospital was the first step to making that happen.

Now That I'm Out

Four months had come and gone and before I knew it, my discharge date had arrived. From what the doctors could tell, I had defeated my demons and would survive the damage that they had inflicted upon me. Part of me believed that there was a chance that maybe they were wrong. I guess only time will tell; one thing I do know is that I would need to be strong in case they would try to return. For now, it appears as if that first step has been taken and I'm now ready to put myself in the position to get you back. That's why I needed to thank you Gabriella.., because I couldn't have done it without you. The thought of me possibly missing out on you growing up was enough to motivate me to change. So, I'm not even joking when I say you literally saved my life. Now it's time for me to begin taking the next step. I'm blessed to have your grandfather in my corner, my path would be far more difficult if he weren't. In fact, I wouldn't be able to complete step 2 without him. While I was in the hospital, the two of us took the time to come up with a plan of action for after I was discharged. We both agreed that I would need to move back to Miami if I was going to have a real shot at being apart of your life. Now, I'm waiting for him to have a day off from work, so that he can mae the drive to come get me. Once I'm back in Miami I can begin working on step 3.

Need You To Know

Each and every step that I complete will bring me closer to having you in my life again. Just having that first step completed makes me so excited that all I can think about is finishing with step 2. One of the hardest steps will be making amends with your mother...

I want to make something clear, you can not blame your mother for our time apart. While she may have played a role, the blame falls completely on my shoulders. Your mother just wants the best for you and she upholds me to that standard. I couldn't even begin explaining to you how sorry I am that things turned out the way they did. I never would have guessed life would end up this way but I can't change the past. However, if I put my mind to it and my heart in it, I could definitely take hold of the future. Redemption.., that is my only path forward. I have to make sure that I don't go another year without holding you in my arms again.

I love you Gabriella, don't worry, I promise your going to see me soon.