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A Fathers Day Confession

There's something I need to admit to you princess

By Carlos GuerraPublished 3 years ago 6 min read
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Today is supposed to be a day that celebrates good dads. Fathers who provide for their children, who are a great role model for their children. Fathers who protect their children and raise them to know right from wrong. Fathers who attend after school activities like sports and dance, fathers who are there whenever their children need them... Those are the kinds of fathers who are to be celebrated today.

I need you to know that I am not proud of what I am about to confess to you Gigi. This isn't how I had planned for things to go and I never thought that I'd ever have to apologize to you for something like this. However, if I am going to be the kind of father you deserve, than I must start by admitting to you that I've failed to be that kind of father for the last 2 years. With pain in my heart I confess that I have not been even close to the kind of dad that you deserve to have. I haven't been calling you as much as I should, not even close... I have failed time and time again just to help your mother with paying for your school... That is extremely unacceptable, I should be helping your mother with anything you need financially all the way down the middle! Yet, I can't even keep up with the money you need for school. I am truly disgusted with myself for that Gabriella, never in my life have I felt more ashamed.

Your mother is beyond fed up with my unreliability and how can I blame her..? If it were the other way around, I would feel the exact same way. What's probably the most frustrating is both her and I know that I am capable of being a much greater father. After all, I did an extraordinary job as your dad from the day your mom found out she was pregnant, up to a little bit after your second birth day. I busted my ass every day so your mom didn't have to work a single day throughout her pregnancy. Then twice as hard after you were born, so that your mom could spend the important first year of your life at home with you. I was there in the hospital and held you immediately after your mom did, that was one of the greatest days of my life! I never ever planned on turning out to be the man that I have been these last couple of years... Unfortunately though, I allowed myself to believe that because of what I had done back then, that it excused my lack of effort over the last couple of years. This has to be one of the greatest mistakes I have ever made.

Things began to fall apart the day that your mother decided she didn't want to be with me anymore... And while I may disagree with some of the aspects of how she went about leaving me, it's obvious to me now that she made the right choice. She became the strong, independent woman that I always knew she was capable of being. She saw that I needed to become more mature and self reliant and therefore with your best interest in mind I allowed you to live with her. There are some things that took place afterwards however, that drastically impacted the system that we had planned to follow in terms of when we'd get to see have you. I won't go into too much detail but lets just say that I didn't think your mother and I's separation was going to last too long. Turns out I was wrong... When I realized this it destroyed me Gigi. My heart was broken... I lost sight on everything, who I was, what I was supposed to do; I was no longer the same man. I used to be confident, determined and motivated. When your mom left me I lost sight on my identity and as a result, entered what seemed like an infinite void of depression. I went from waking up every morning with your mom in my arms and you in your crib right beside me, to waking up completely alone. They say that things get easier with time but that concept didn't really apply to this situation. In fact, the more time that passed, the worse my depression got.

Regardless of how depressed I was, I made a huge mistake. That mistake was failing to realize that you were the one who was suffering the most from this entire thing. I failed to see that you had nothing to do with what happened between your mother and me, yet my last 2 years of allowing myself to be a victim have done nothing but bring you pain... possibly as much pain as I have suffered, maybe even more. That being said Gabriella, I want you to know that I am extremely sorry.

I am sorry for not putting you before myself throughout these last couple of years. I am sorry for being a complete disgrace of a father. I am sorry for being anything less than the father you deserve... I am sorry Gabriella. I swear to god, I've never meant anything in my entire life more than I mean that I am sorry. I want you to know that I will make it up to you... I know 2 years is a long time... but I am going to start now instead of just accepting the fact that I am a terrible father. I have been a terrible father sure but I've been an excellent father too. Just cause we have been bad at something or done bad, doesn't mean that we aren't capable of doing better or being better. If there is anything that you and I can learn from all of this, it would be that no matter how down we find our selves in life, we can always find a way to rise again. So I make you this promise... I will rise again and become the father that you deserve to have, the Dad that you deserve to have... From this day, Sunday, June 20th, 2020; I promise you I will do anything and everything in my power to be a Dad that you can be proud of. There is not a single thing on this planet that is more important to me than keeping that promise. I will always be a part of your life princess, you can count on that... There isn't anywhere else in the entire world that I would rather be.

P.S. No more worries rest your head and go to sleep, maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream.

I love you Gigi

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About the Creator

Carlos Guerra

Born on 09-07-95 in Miami, Florida.

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