extended family

All about how to stay connected, strengthen ties and talk politics with your big, happy extended family.

Funny thing is my father is not my Daddy
My biological father pretty much disowned me before the ink was dry on the divorce papers filed by my mother. I was only thirteen at the time but was told because of my mother’s choice to leave him and my choice to live with her that I was pretty much on my own and in his words “don’t ask me for shit”.
By Majique MiMi4 years ago in Families
The women who wash the windows
To the mothers who raised me while they washed my windows: what I have not yet said to you is: THANK YOUIn the mornings, the baths would be drawn and my sister and I would get in at the same time. In the mornings, the woman with brown and white and slightly yellowed hands would cut and then squeeze the oranges, pour it into the glass that was never big enough and was somehow her fault, and then her responsibility in the slightly later mornings, to fill it up again. From an empty cup. And out breath. She’d make the sandwiches that would nourish me hours later while at school, cutting them into triangles carefully, because that was my one whining wish. There were demands from the morning everywhere, and she tended to all the kids, big and small in the home (except her own, who would cook and eat their own pap and take a taxi, far away). Goggles are missing now and swimming starts in 10 minutes, and we live 6 minutes away from the water and we are just seconds away from the bathwater I’ve just jumped out of, and with all this slow commotion going on, somehow my lateness too, is now her duty and responsibility. But the cup with the freshly squeezed orange juice she could never afford is empty now, and so is the bathtub, and she must eventually fill them up again. And so squeeze the oranges she would. There were many of her, and she went mostly by Mozambican names, but some came from Swaziland but really Angola first, too. And though she was different every time, she was by protocol, the same woman to my parents every time; the woman who washed the windows. And my family was a little mixed up, so I couldn’t understand why we treated the black women who spoke my parents' mother tongue, as though they were all the same woman that was far too different from us. Portugal and its colonies. Made them wear the same clothing, do our washing before their own, and to never take a day to clean their own homes in our home. “To whom much is given, much is required.” Or something like that, Luke said that somewhere along the line and then good ol’ JFK, repeated it. And is it completely disrespectful and sacrilegious to refer to these iconic words in this way? And what if these writers were, say, black women, would you credit them with their full names, in true verse? There is too much war going on. And I am humbled and reminded that we may not always know the right way to act if we have been ignorant or too lucky, as Maya Angelou proceeds to write in the letter to her daughter, that: “Whether I liked it or not, I had to admit that I understood the sense of helplessness of my colleagues. Their responses confirmed that my belief that courage is the most important of all virtues. I thought, had I been white during the segregation era, I also might have taken the line of least resistance.”And here now, a poem from me to you, if you resonate:“You have a story that deserves to be told,But you will have to be strong, be courageous, be bold.Trust your knowing and let your life unfold,For though your body is young, your soul is so old.Share the story of who you come from;How some were settlers, others were soldBecause now it is your chance to turn dust into gold.And though the path has been rocky, Know that you are never alone,For there are others like you, too, who spread love where they go.And though, yes, the journey will now require you to be braver, worry not now, nor never,For the wheel now turns in your favour”I have strayed away from the masses of the Bible, but growing up educated in a very private and very catholic school, some words and lessons have stuck and stood out; have carried me throughout my life. I have come to pray daily with my grandmother who lives in Sweden, and thank God for technology that allows us to see one another, and for her right-minded thinking that allows her to press the right buttons when the time is right. But gran has always had good timing; for me at least. She’s slightly late for everything, and she takes her own sweet time to do things. She is thorough in her cleaning, using a toothbrush for the little corners. Oh my granny is so sweet (actually, I call her grrrrreeeenny and roll my R’s real long, then sometimes, if I’m in a gleeful mood, I follow it up with Rrrritaaa!” and she always laughs and smiles. It wasn’t always this way though, not for me nor for her. There were times when I was really faithless and living in fear, but the psalms and verses are coming back to me, and though I don’t want to go back to the church, I’d love to go back to a better religion. Like the one in my childhood. The evenings and afternoons were different. Calmer. By now we all knew the schedule. Dad may come home, likely too late, and when he arrives, the food must be prepared. But he doesn’t come home very often anymore, and now mom is left to be the bad guy, and so she transforms into the role and character well. For me, the afternoons were great. This time, the conspicuous time just before my father was taken away for being the real bad guy, was always soothing. I am sure that as a toddler and in those memories, I spent a lot of time with these women and their words. I remember watching my mothers and back then, calling them homehelps, or maids - if my friends were white, and they mostly were. In the evenings, the woman who was sometimes a different woman, would rub Vix on my feet and my chest and hum to me. She would help me breathe more easily, even when she was suffocating. Late and rainy afternoons were my favorite. My parents weren’t home and my siblings were likely distracted with their much more interesting and important lives. And here, there was space for my curiosity, and empathy to roam; a space where she was important. And not because she was the cat’s mother. “Do you miss your children?” and “Why are your knees always sore?”, “Will you please make me a sandwich? And, “Do you want to make two sandwiches and eat one with me? I don’t understand why you never eat with me,” though both knew I did, and she couldn’t. And I would always, never really knowing if it was rude or not, a triangle in the corner torn and not bitten, hoping she would indulge in my leftovers, with love. I knew my ingredients were better than hers. But who knows? Now that I am older and more aware, I am more forgiving and also more curious, because who knows if she would have enjoyed the illusion that dirty money was buying us. Maya Angelou writes in the Letter to her Daughter, and I resonate, that“On evenings after dinner and afternoons after lunch, I asked them questions that had befuddled me. I needed to know how they had accepted the idea of segregation? Did they really believe that black people were inferior to whites? Did they think that black people were born with a contagious ailment which made it dangerous t sit next to us on busses while allowing us to cook their meals and even breastfeed their babies?And I have come to learn that the women who wash the windows are also the women who run with the wolves and from its pages, that “When seeking guidance, don’t ever listen to the tiny-hearted. Be kind to them, heap them with blessing, cajole them, but do not follow their advice.”Title: Our of the sunDearly departed, look what you startedLook at the seas which were merged, and conquered see the Moors; lands divided and then parted Racially ambiguousCulturally confused Look at all this diverse energy,All these colours and cultures you fused They have got me into troubleBecause I am my mother’s double Now I’m left with a passing privilege, So I guess today I’ll choose I know my mom likes that she looks whiteAnd so with her curly hair she fightsBut with Swedish and Portuguese fathers,Did she even know that she could choose?To embrace her curly hair, and ditch the GHDI don’t think she ever saw her beauty, her extravagance, clearly So now here is her daughter,A little lost, and clear yet so so confused,Sifting through old news Observing great great gran’s letters, old content perused:“Lentas e lentas, suas maos avarasVao desfiando pedriarias rarasTerco que as ondas vao rezando as vezes”Slow and slow,Go unravel the stonesThe waves are praying for you Racially ambiguous, Culturally confused Look at all this toxic energy,Look at mama’s new bruise I wonder if she knows, though,That she has the choice to choose I wonder if she knows How to give back the borrowed, or how to soothe those blues My dad’s dad has angolan roots, roots in Cape Verde tooHe visited me the other day, and I swear guys - this is trueHe first appeared as a flickering light, and then came as a gentle mothI knew him when i heard him, whispering in my ear,Saying, “Calma querida, have no fear”,But my mom thinks I’m doing black magicAnd cursing the family name,What she doesn’t see is how the foundations before me, Were etched in so much battered pain And blinded with the courage of a fool, I’ll have to be the one to speak out against the cruelAnd though, I still don’t know where this is going,I know that my bravery is showingMy roots spread far and wide Too strong I am, how could I learn this and not walk with the fool’s hopeful pride?And though I’m still trying to understand it all,I’m going to allow myself to laugh and cry as I answer this callSo today I choose the sun, today I choose the fun.Please don’t think this is selfish, family, a new cycle has begun For the hour of the sun, I honour Our daughters and Our sons The excerpt is from rom my great grandmother’s poem, “Hora de Sol”Which translates to hour of the sun
By Mingling with the Moon 4 years ago in Families
Bonds of Fire and Force
There weren’t always dragons in the valley. No, they’d come fifty years before, ridden by elves as the realms crashed and ruptured, burning almost to the ground before the seven heroes had stepped in to stop the calamity.
By Meghan Shaltes4 years ago in Families
Mother Day confession.
You are my hero, my inspiration. You brought me into this world and put my needs first, even when times were tough. I've been looking for a role model my whole life, but I never imagined it would be you — it took me so long to discover that!
By Kamran Mehmood 4 years ago in Families
Turning 65: What to Consider When Selecting a Medicare Plan
(NewsUSA) – Approaching age 65 can be an overwhelming time for many newly eligible Medicare beneficiaries. When can you begin to enroll? Which plans should you consider? What do you need to know?Here’s some information that can help.You have a seven-month window called the Initial Enrollment Period (IEP) to sign up for Medicare benefits, which begins three months prior to the month you’ll turn 65. You are first eligible to receive Medicare coverage at the start of your birthday month. If your current benefits end once you turn 65, it’s important to begin researching and comparing your Medicare options early to make sure there’s no gap in your coverage.There are several different types of Medicare plans available:* Medicare Part A (hospital) and Medicare Part B (medical)o Administered by the federal government, Original Medicare includes Parts A and B that provide hospital and medical coverage. For most people, Part A is free, so it’s important to evaluate your options as soon as you become eligible for Medicare.* Medicare Part C (Medicare Advantage)o Offered by Medicare-approved private insurance companies and can be considered an "all in one" alternative to Original Medicare. These plans include all the coverage provided by Medicare Part A and B, and some may include additional benefits like prescription drug coverage, routine dental, vision and hearing care, and innovative offerings such fitness programs, healthy food debit cards for those who qualify and transportation benefits to help you get to doctor’s appointments.* Medicare Part D (Prescription Drug Plans)o Original Medicare doesn’t cover most prescription drugs, so you’ll need to sign-up for a stand-alone prescription drug plan (PDP) if enrolled in Original Medicare. These Part D plans are offered by Medicare-approved private insurers, like Humana.* Medicare Supplement Insurance (Medigap)o Like Medicare Advantage, these plans are offered by private insurance companies and may help pay some of the healthcare costs that Medicare Parts A and B don’t, like coinsurance, copayments or deductibles.When selecting a prescription drug plan, you’ll want to make sure the medications you’re currently taking are covered and compare their costs across different plans. Some plans also take steps to help save you money, like Humana for example. They suggest generic or lower-cost equivalent drugs to their members when they’re available. And when it comes to costs, look beyond the monthly premium and consider the additional out-of-pocket costs. Always evaluate the full cost of the plan, including co-payments or co-insurance, and the deductible as well as which pharmacies are in network.While the many plan options can seem overwhelming, there are resources available to help you choose Medicare coverage that best suits your needs. The Medicare Plan Finder on Medicare.gov allows you to easily compare the benefits and costs of different plans. Other resources on sites such as Humana.com include helpful information to consider in shopping for plans like Physician and Pharmacy finders to help you see if your providers are in a plan’s network. While planning ahead is helpful, rest assured that, as your needs change, you can change your plan during the Medicare Advantage and Prescription Drug Plan Annual Enrollment Period, which goes from October 15th to December 7th each year.Medicare-eligible individuals can visit www.Medicare.gov or call 1-800-MEDICARE (800-633-4227), 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Additionally, you can learn about Humana Medicare Advantage and Prescription Drug Plans by going to www.Humana.com/Medicare, www.Humana.com/pdp or calling 1-800-213-5286 (TTY: 711) to speak with a licensed sales agent from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. local time, seven days a week. Humana is a Medicare Advantage HMO, PPO, PDP, and PFFS organization with a Medicare contract. Enrollment in any Humana plan depends on contract renewal.
By Iris4 years ago in Families
To my Bonus Mom
Tammy, I'm not sure how to start this letter, everything still feels so raw. You left my dad 5 years ago, and I still feel pain. There is so much you need to know but I'm not sure where to begin.
By Emily Ferrell4 years ago in Families
What is Assisted Living, and Nursing Homes?
Assisted living is a type of health care institution that helps elderly persons with various diseases and impairments live as independently as possible. Assisted living apartments provide both daily personal care and the aid needed to help a patient recover.
By Vlad Andrei Apostol4 years ago in Families
Social dental assistance and Social Security dental benefits
Dental care is one of the most important points for health but also the most neglected. All our food passes through our mouth. That it is healthy, without problems, will influence the general health of our entire body. For this reason, it is important to worry about both good oral hygiene and proper oral care.
By Merina Jenkosvic4 years ago in Families
Indian Roots
Exploring my Indian roots from my grandfather. Although I don’t remember much about my grandfather, I think he has left an impact on my life. The only memory I have of him is sleeping in his dog’s bed as a toddler. He died when I was a toddler. There are some things I do know about him. His name was Brian. He was blind, and had guide dogs. He had been married three times and had at least nine biological children. My Nan was his second wife. He was born in Mumbai and changed his name when he emigrated here. He took the extra o out of his name and gave us all the Gilholy name. He had at least one brother. Other than that, there’s not a lot that I know about him. Despite that, I think there are several things that I have inherited from him.
By Chloe Gilholy5 years ago in Families
Changing Nests
The cold breeze of 6:00 am accompanied by a cup of tea and a green view from the balcony are a perfect start to a day, it was a perfectly normal day, everything going as usual, and who knew that day will mark the end of my childhood, I was standing in the balcony when my father came and broke the news that they are planning to sell the house, first thought in my mind was, “shit! We will no longer be a joint family”. The B-217 will no longer be addressed as Kalra’s residence, was that day the end of all the fun we used to have together? will we no longer see each other daily? will my aunt not shout my name every time she’ll face an issue with her phone? Will, we do not spend New Year’s Eve together playing stupid games all night? All of these questions flooded my mind and it was that very moment I realized the importance of all those people that I have been living with for the past 18 years but never took a moment to appreciate them and their roles in my life.
By Sejal Kalra5 years ago in Families
The Cats Left The Ship
By Rick Hartford Ratso Rizzo and Itchy Brother stood at the bow of the great ship surveying the horizon. “I got a bad feeling about this trip,” Ratso said. Itchy Brother nodded, his tail twitching.
By Rick Hartford5 years ago in Families
Living With Addiction And Breaking The Alcoholic Family Rules
When I was a young girl, I had a couple of uncles that lived on skid row in Minneapolis. My family lived in South Minneapolis. My dad's uncles would come and visit. Their medicine was a bottle in a brown paper bag.
By Denise E Lindquist5 years ago in Families