single mom of 3 boys

Hey guys being a single mom of three boys is so hard. Some days I feel like breaking down to the point that I wish that their dads would help. I feel like at times I have to beg them to help me. I feel like I shouldn't have to beg two men to take care of their kids. Now I have to take leave off work cause I had my 6month old early and he still in the hospital and had to have two surgerys. Its bad enough that I have a hard time getting there because they wont let my other 2 sons in the unit because you have to be 18 or older because he is in the PICU. I didnt mention my two others sons ages are 9 years old and 1 years old then I have the 6 month old which would be home soon. I dont know how I am gonna do this when I get him home its bad enough I barely have help and my mom is there but not there she wont take the two I have now over night for me so i can go to the hospital and stay with him. I barely have any friends and my family isn't here in my city with me besides my mom and my brother doesnt live here. I just wish I had someone to be by my side. I need to make friends and I may have someone to help me with these boys. I feel stressed but crazy thing is i want 1 more kid maybe 2 but not so close how my one year old and 6 month old is. They will be one together at the same time until my one year old turn 2 in April. Man I feel so stress and depressed at time i could barely clean my house and when i do these kids mess it right back up . I have 4 years off of being at work and its crazy. I want to get a job that i get to work from home or even make a youtube channel to do with my 9 year old. I barely have any subcribers and dont know what type of content to give a youtube channel since my 9 year old will be home schooled till November. I just need people to say hey girl you can do it and believe in me so i can make the best I can for my kids and I. It is so hard to do what I want to do cause living in New york is so hard to live in already.I just wished it was so easy for me to do what i want and still take care of my kids. I want to be with my kids all the time and make money at the same time and its either working from home or being a youtuber. I just dont know what to do at this point I need some Advice or even make friends or reconnect with someone that I think that i can trust and they can be around my kids. I told myself girl you need to get it together you need to find something to and figure it.I look at my kids and say i have to make moves for them and do what I have to do cause if I dont nobody will. I pray that I can be the best mom I can be to my kids cause now a days its really hard. If things can go back to when I was younger and easier. I just dont want my boys to be labeled like the other black kids meaning that my kids like to steal and rob people and like to be out in these streets not trying to better themsleves. I want my boys to be doctors,lawyers and a judge.