Should I stay married?

Although marriage has become less popular, especially among young people, and more and more people are choosing to live with a partner, see each other often but live in different homes, or be single, people are still choosing to get married and trust another person. For those who prefer a single life, it seems puzzling why they choose to get married. Marriage is supposed to be until death does us part, and everyone who chooses to marry does so for their reasons. One-third of all marriages end in divorce and at least half end unhappily and stay together for reasons other than love, meaning that most people who marry end up divorced or seriously consider divorce at some point.

When my clients consult with me on these issues in my capacity as a life coach, it is important to know all the facts before leaning toward a "yes" or "no. You need to take into account the person's needs, personality, background, financial situation, family situation, job, and many other things because what is right for one person may be completely wrong for another. Even if you know everything you need to know about your partner and their relationship, it may be that one person is better off divorcing that partner and the other is better off staying with them. Even if they were originally married for love, the situation is much more complicated than that you can't say that you love someone to be with them and you don't leave because there are so many variables to consider and that's why they seek professional advice. If they were such simple people, they would not be confused, and hesitant to go to a relationship expert! In many cases, the person doesn't love their partner and stays, and there are just as many cases where the partner loves their partner but leaves, usually because of the partner's unreasonable or selfish behavior.

People stay in bad marriages for a variety of reasons. It's usually a mix of lack of confidence, lack of self-esteem, pity, family pressure, appearance, money, children, sex, or loneliness. People can also confuse what love is and say they love someone they don't like, understand, trust, or respect, which is ridiculous.

It may be that they need them or they are afraid of them, but you can't love someone you don't have positive thoughts about.

Anyone who knows and understands themselves and their needs can better determine their future. In an ideal world, we all know what we want from life and how to get it.

When a person marries for ulterior motives, things become more complicated. Some women enter or stay married to be with a man who feeds them materially and financially. If they depend on that man for possessions, money, and a nice house to live in, then they may see it as a huge problem to leave him and choose financial security over emotional happiness. Therefore, anyone who can be financially self-sufficient will have more options and be in a very advantageous position.

I have heard of cases of men staying with a woman simply because they can't stand to live without sex or go back to an empty home after work, even if they don't trust her, like her, or respect her. This sometimes leads them to look for or have girlfriends or flirt on the side but still stay with the wife who is now a stranger to them. Looking at these marriages from the outside, you wonder why he stays and wonders why his wife stays with him.

If you ask someone in a bad marriage why they stay, they will always cite reasons like kids, health, religion, and compassion, but the truth is they got something out of it themselves or they wouldn't be there. They may be there because they are still afraid to leave and stand on their own two feet or suffer the criticism of their family, but that is still the reason that works for them. Where they sometimes go wrong is forgetting that if they do have to adapt to standing on their own two feet or dealing with criticism, it will be a short-lived problem and they can see it through to the end, but by sticking around they will perpetuate the never-ending problems that will last until they or their partner finally end the relationship or die!

When you're not sure if you want to get a divorce, it means there are positives to staying and you're torn between good and bad. There may be days when the bad seems to outweigh the good, and vice versa. If you talk to loved ones and ask their opinion, they will all say different things and all have their hidden agendas. A friend may suggest you leave your husband because she likes him and wants him for herself, or because she is single and wants you to be single and have more time to see her.

Relationships only work when both people can trust each other and are serious about making it work. Most relationships go awry when one person tries and the other becomes selfish, lazy, or immature. If we want to make sure we get to know our future spouse well before we get married, that may mean we know all their mistakes before we get married. Then, if we find out they have made mistakes afterward, at least we won't be surprised or disappointed; we'll know we've gotten ourselves into trouble and make an informed decision about whether it's acceptable.

Some marriages are based on love and some are about giving and taking. So if a woman is willing to offer good sex in exchange for living in a lovely house and having a credit card where she can do what she likes, she might think twice about whether she wants to stay with that man if he starts beating her up. After all, she can probably find a man who treats her better and she won't miss the one she's with. Even a marriage based on life should include some elements of giving and taking, otherwise, you usually find one giving more to the other and the other just taking. That's great for them, but unfair to the giver and leaves them with a big problem if the giver is wise and ends it.