Children use less "you are great", teach you how to praise children

1. praise specific not praise all

"Baby is awesome", such praise is light for parents. In the eyes of parents, every detail of their child's growth is worthy of marvel and praise - baby can smile, baby can roll over, baby can jump, baby can talk ...... It is in this constant surprise that parents have become accustomed to saying to their children "That's great!", and "That's great!" This kind of evaluation, even a soft "ah" are full of appreciation tone.

Parents may not realize the negative effects of casual praise until one day they realize that their children are afraid of failure and cannot withstand the slightest setback.

Always praising a child in a general way, such as you are great, can be overwhelming. Instead of saying, "Good boy, you're great," the mother should tell the child, "Thank you for helping Mommy with the meal. The specific praise will make it easier for the child to understand and know what to do and how to work hard in the future.

2. praise effort not smart

"You're so smart!" --Another common parental comment. If parents define every progress of their children as "smart", the result will only be that children feel that good grades are equated with smart, and on the one hand, they will become "conceited" instead of "confident". "On the other hand, they will avoid challenges because they don't want to have results that don't match their intelligence.

Researchers in the United States had kindergarteners solve some puzzles and then, to half of the children, said, "You got eight questions right, you're smart." To the other half, they said, "If you got 8 questions right, you're working hard." Then they were given a choice of two tasks: one where they could make some mistakes but eventually learn something new, and one where they were sure they could do very well. As a result, 2/3 of the children who were praised for their intelligence chose the easy task; 90% of the children who were praised for their effort chose the challenging task.

3. Facts but not personality

The phrase "good baby" is a typical "personality compliment" that parents will inadvertently use. But "good" is a very vain concept if the child is always put on such a big hat, but it is a kind of pressure on him!

Adults, too, are complacent at first when their leaders keep praising them, but slowly they feel the pressure and don't even want to be perfect to get a chance to breathe.

If a parent's praise is always "overstated," the child will also feel pressured to feel unworthy of such praise. What will they do? That's when they do something that gives you a headache just after you praise them, to show that they are "sincere".

Three tips

1. Pay attention to your child's efforts

To achieve the purpose of motivating children, to really "praise specific", and "praise efforts", parents must first understand the whole process of children doing things. Sometimes you can see with your own eyes the good intentions and efforts of your child, and when you summarize your child's achievements, you may want to describe in detail what you have seen and heard. For example, after your child writes an essay, you can say: "The beginning of the essay is very good, you can think of such a beginning is not easy; the middle of the description can feel that you have gone through careful observation. The ending sentence is also better, and it is appropriate to use it to punctuate the topic ......" In this way, you have told your child all the hard work he or she has spent on the essay, and a happy and confident smile will immediately spread on the child's face.

If you don't see your child's efforts with your own eyes, it doesn't matter, you can use questions to let your child tell the process of their efforts, and in the middle of it, without losing time to make appropriate comments, you can also give your child a useful praise

2. Don't be too proud of your child's "abetted mouth"

Careful analysis, parents do treat praise attitude as a little casual, even a little absent-minded, open-mouthed. When a child performs well, the first reaction of parents is "you are great", which seems to save time and meet the spirit of encouragement-based education. More praise like this is meaningless to children!

So when they understand the principle of "complimenting specificity", many parents find it hard to adapt and don't know what else to say. It's easy to teach you a trick - good words are not too "abusive", look at the above beneficial praise, which one is not more than "you are great" abusive mouth? This means using more words to describe the child's efforts, the result naturally resonates with the child, and the purpose of praise will be achieved!

3. Use praise as a "preventive shot"

A compliment is not only to affirm your child afterward, sometimes when you anticipate that your child may be resistant to certain things, but you can also praise your child beforehand, using praise to give a preventive shot, which may have unexpected "healing" effects.

Try to praise your child like this

I like your card. It's beautiful and funny.

(The child's feeling): I have good taste and I can trust my own choice

Unhelpful praise: You are always so thoughtful.

Helpful praise: Thank you so much for washing the dishes today.

(child's feeling): I'm responsible.

Unhelpful Praise: You did a better job than the others.

Helpful praise: You had a few new ideas for your essay.

(Child's perception): I can be creative too.

Unhelpful praise: You write well, but of course, you still have a lot to learn.

Descriptive statements and the positive conclusions the child draws from them are the cornerstones of mental health. Children conclude themselves from our words and silently reiterate them to themselves afterward. This gives them a positive view of themselves and the world around them.