Ramblings About My Current Life Situations

I have been staring at my laptop and the blinking cursor on a blank screen. I have so much to write about, so much to say. I can’t get the words organized enough in my head to put them down on paper. So this piece will be a little different than most of my works. This one is a rambler.

I just had the best time Saturday night with my adult children. We laughed, joked, and played games. Sipped whiskey and enjoyed each other’s company. I love my children so much. Time with them is healing for me. It was a bright spot in the middle of a dark time.

I have written about my mother’s battle with an untreatable terminal brain cancer called glioblastoma. She went through six weeks of radiation therapy and chemotherapy. Every day. For six weeks. It was exhausting for all of us, especially my mom. We found out at Christmas time that the treatments were ineffective, and her tumor had tripled in size. We called hospice in, and she is now in comfort care only.

Speaking of cancer, can I say how much I hate this disease? It takes away so many people. Considerable advancements in treatment in the last few decades have been made, but cancer is the second most cause of death in our nation. It is time for bureaucratic red tape to be loosened and more money devoted towards a cure. Instead, we spend money trying to get to Mars. It seems like a poor use of money compared to how deadly cancer is. Not just for adults but children too.

I have watched as my mother lost her ability to communicate, and I have stood by as she lost her mobility and became bedbound. I have watched the woman she once was disappear. And there isn’t a damn thing I can do about any of it. Our priorities are to keep her comfortable and ensure she knows how much she is loved.

We talk to her about memories and good times. We show her pictures throughout her life. She responds well to that. In the beginning, we would still have jokes and fun times. My mom laughed so much at the beginning. Humor was so essential to have in those days. Now that we near the end, there isn’t much humor to be found.

As if that wasn’t enough, my sister, mom’s sister, and mother have all come down with covid. It doesn’t seem severe, so we are thankful for that.

Just how much can one family take? The answer is whatever comes our way. You only know how strong you are when being strong is exactly what you need to be. We have no choice. We don’t get to have breaking points or take breaks. My sister, brother, and I are in this together, and we make it work.

Speaking of families, we have all become much closer. Situations like this can either drive a family apart or bring them together. We make decisions together, participate in her care, and support each other through rough times. It has brought the grandkids together as well. It has been good for her to see everyone in the family over the last couple of weeks.

Aside from the comfort meds my mother takes, we also use cannabis to help ease her pain and calm her down. It has helped keep my mother calm, assisted with the pain, and helped her appetite. I know people have mixed feelings about marijuana, and my stance is legalize it for both recreation and medical use. There most assuredly needs to be more research and funding for studying its effects and potential benefits. I don’t care where you stand on the issue, but it has worked for us.

Here’s what I have learned from this whole ordeal. First, early detection is vital. Doctors looked back on previous scans and found the small lesion in March. No scan again until august, and by that time, it was four centimeters and inoperable. Be your biggest advocate. If something seems wrong, communicate with your care team. Second, don’t think insurance will cover all treatments because it won’t. Third, make memories. Be silly. Take lots of pictures. Hold hands. Give hugs. Someday you will look back on that time fondly and be able to say even in the darkness, we made light.

Below are links to a few pieces written about my mom. I would appreciate any reads and comments.