Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

In 1988, President Ronald Reagan declared October as pregnanacy and infant loss awareness month. As of 2021 October 15th has been the official day of rememberance for the little ones lost in pregnancy, birth, and infancy via miscarriage, stillbirth, tfmr (termination for medical reasons) ectopic pregnancy, sids, etc. There are many different reasons a loss happens in pregnancy and in infancy and this month covers them all.

The increase in awareness will help aide in providing more research, support, assistance, and understanding to those who have gone or who is going through a loss.

Rememberance

There are a few popular ways that people have come together in order to remember their little ones.

1. Balloon Releases

Loved ones get helium filled balloons and release them as a way to remember their babies. Some tie notes or letters to the end of the balloons as well. A more environmental friendly release can be releasing butterflies, doves, or paper lanterns.

2. Walk/ Run

Theres a few walk/runs happening that support pregnancy and infant loss through 2non profit organizations.

Runs for a Purpose is holding a virtual walk/run this year and you can choose to do either the 5k, 10k, or half marathon. It would be at your own convenience and your own pace anytime between the 1st and the 31st of October. You choose where you'd like to complete the walk/run and then you can submit your time online to receive your certificate. After registration you will receive your virtual race bib and a medal will automatically be mailed to you.

This race supports the non profit Share, Pregnancy, and Infant Loss Support.

Most states have their own community walk/runs that are in person instead of virtual.

3. Global Wave of Light

On October 15th at 7pm everyone lights a candle(s) in memory of their losses. A lot of people will share them on social media creating a wave of light that spreads around the world.

4. Supportive Calender

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep is a site that offers a free pregnancy and infant loss calendar that gives you an activity to do everyday of October to celebrate the entire month.

They also offer an abundance of supportive services such as photo touch ups, a shop that offers rememberance packages/gifts, and professional portraits.

Coping

Everyone has their own personal preference on how they choose to participate for the month of rememberance. No way is wrong or better than the next. As a mother who has recently suffered a loss of my son during pregnancy I understand that sometimes just being allowed to remember and acknowledge my little one provides comfort and healing in a time of deep grief and the feeling of loss.

October has been a beautiful month of healing for me and my partner. We've participated in the walks and have met some wonderful people who unfortunately have shared our grief but they've also given us insight on more ways to cope through our very unexpected loss.

I remember feeling a sense of shame and uncomfortability having to tell people that I wouldnt be bringing our son home. There was an unfathomable amount of grief surrounded by the thought of my son. Everytime I looked over at his elephant themed nursery. Everytime I had to explain to someone the rarity in the way we lost him. Everytime I seen another mother loving her child.

October provided others who knew that there was pain beyond the first few months where everyone is understanding and patient with your grief. It provided the understanding that our babies arent losses that we get over. We carry them with us for the rest of our lives. Whether lost in pregnancy, birth, or infancy there will always be milestones and birth dates that we will remember forever.

“When we lose our children, we don’t just lose them at the stage they were at. We lose them at every stage we missed, and our hearts will forever ache with that knowledge.” — L Behrndt

Authors Note: For those who will sadly carry their little ones loss deep within them I hope you find your way. Your way to cope with your grief and with the questions that will never be answered. Your way to love the one you lost. The feeling never goes away we just learn how to live with it.