Permission to roar

I think some mothers sit on their birth story because they don't feel it's "good enough" to share.

Maybe you planned to stay home, but transferred to hospital. Maybe you had a c-section. Maybe you turned the air blue with every contraction, when you hoped to cope quietly. Maybe you believed that this would be a sign of strength or success.

Don't get me wrong, I love birth hypnosis and relaxation techniques. I teach them. I used them very successfully myself. But! I really believe that we've accidentally managed to popularise this idea that we should all birth gently and quietly and "in control". And that if we do the "right" things and have the "right" mindset, we will achieve this, and things will go the way we want them to.

NO. Just, NO.

Sometimes, things work out, and we say, Yes, I did that, it was all me. Sometimes they don't, and then this becomes a stick we can beat ourselves with.

Over the years, there's been a beautiful move towards speaking up about our positive births. I love it, and I want to keep that going.

BUT - what I don't want to see is women feeling they can't share their stories when their birth doesn't go well. Maybe don't scare the plants off women preparing for birth, OK... But those stories are still important. They deserve space. They deserve to be heard. You deserve to be heard.

Birth ISN'T always positive. We run the gamut of human experience, positive and negative, in the hours that we work to bring our babies into our arms. My wish for every mother is that, overall, her birth is positive for her, and as smooth for her and her baby as possible. But along the way there's going to be ups, and there's going to be downs. There's going to be moments of, "actually this sucks" and "I can't do this!" I hope there is also magic. I hope there are moments of stillness, and softness, and love.

I'm in several birth groups, and in some of them there seems to be this idea that serene, peaceful birthing, in a tub, in your own home, without drugs, is the one and only "right" way.

There is NO wrong way to have a baby.

Here is the secret, if you didn't already know: Birth is like sex.

Stay with me!

Some people come quietly, officer, and some most definitely do not. There is no wrong way to enjoy sex. It's an expression of who you are. If you are quiet and introverted, you are more likely to have sex and give birth quietly. It doesn't make you any less of a success either way.

You could surprise yourself by handling your birth differently than you thought you would (but you will handle it, I promise!)

Please remember that vocalising is a coping mechanism many women use to help them manage contractions. Low-pitched sound helps you stay soft, helps you open, and increases your endorphin levels. Making some noise is normal. It's helpful for many women.

Here is a very important point I want you to take away: it is totally physiological to feel as if you lose control at some point. It is not failure, or weakness, or not practising something enough. It is part of the process.

Surrendering.

Whatever happened, however it unfolded, I know for a certainty that you ROCKED it! You were AWESOME. Literally.

Tell your story! It's worth telling, and worth hearing. It's all worthwhile, because it's ALL YOU. None of it requires any kind of apology, or shame. 💖

If you are expecting right now: go and bring your babies down and through and out HOWEVER feels right to you.

Swear, dance, sing, roar, breathe, groan, moan, cry, sweat, grunt and love.

Afterwards, share as much or as little as you feel happy sharing.

If your birth is difficult, it's worth using a content warning so that those mamas still preparing can choose whether it is the right time for them to see it. But please know that your experience, courage and wisdom have value.

Stories are powerful. YOUR story is powerful.

Happy birthing x x

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If you enjoyed this, I want to recommend you give this one a shufti as well.

If anything resonated with you or stood out to you, please let me know! Even if you think I'm talking utter horse shit. If you're able to leave a comment, I will do my best to drop by and read your stuff as well. Otherwise, just ding me on social media.

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For those who don't know yet, I teach antenatal classes in Shropshire and online. I don't pre-record the content - I make myself available to listen to you and answer your questions to the best of my ability. That's important to me! Some classes are movement based (to help you prepare physically for birth), and some are information based (to help you prepare for birth, breastfeeding, and parenting your baby).

https://pregnancyclassesshrewsbury.company.site/

You can find me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pregnancyclassesshrewsbury

I also have a closed group for mums who want to ask questions and share their experiences in a more private space: https://www.facebook.com/groups/pregnancybirthparenting/