The Opposite of Mother

Little one,

What's it like?

The harsh assault on your senses

Light, colour, smell, sound

No longer muted by your strong, warm, safe caccoon

.

Little one,

What's it like,

feeling Free for the first time?

Is it like pain?

No longer bound tight and safe

In your dark red hammock.

Instead: space. The first frontier.

So much of it. Too big, and too wide.

Oppressive

.

Little one,

What's it like,

feeling fabric for the first time?

No longer suspended naked in warm, silky fluid

Instead, dozens of different fabrics, all new

your pristine skin running a gauntlet of sensations

soft, scratchy, smooth, fuzzy, light,

warm, too warm, not warm enough,

wet, soiled,

tickly, bumpy, crinkly, itchy….

When do you forget the feel of Mother's skin?

.

Little one,

What's it like,

Feeling hungry for the first time?

Or thirsty?

Is it like pain?

No longer continuously nourished by the springy magic rope

hot and pulsing

tethering you to Life

to Mother

Which are, of course, the same thing.

.

Little one,

What's it like,

Feeling cold for the first time?

Is it like pain?

Is that why you protest

when undressed?

The heat of Mother's chest

as vital as the milk flowing from it

.

Little one,

What's it like

feeling pain for the first time?

Things that are hard or sharp against you

Noises that are too loud

Your gut twisting and stabbing

.

People think the opposite of Mother is Father

but Little One, you are wise

you know in your tiny bones

that her opposite is Cold

but also Hunger, Loneliness, Space

and maybe Pain

and certainly Death

.

Little one,

What's it like,

Not being able to speak our language yet

and not able to make us understand

That your word for Mother

is 37 degrees

but also Soft, Snug, Milk, Home,

and Anchor, Compass, Map and Centre

all at once?

.

Little One,

What's it like

Seeing her face for the first time?

The moment your eyes open, you seek it out

Memorise it minutely

This is what survival looks like

.

Little One,

What's it like

When she holds you to her breast?

Is it like coming home?

The feel of her skin

The smell and heat of it

You've known it since the beginning of forever

.

Little One,

The weight of you crushes her sometimes

The force of your need

The pressure of being your everything

The heaviness of her own questions,

What is it? Can I make it better? How?

.

Do you know

She is trying

To make you feel sated and safe

To temper the wind to the oh so very shorn lamb

To keep you close, dim the lights, soften the voices

Shhh!thebaby!

Trying to give herself to you

Sometimes she thinks there is nothing left

But she keeps giving.

The feel of your emergence was nothing to this!

It’s a joy and a terror all at once

Sometimes when you call for her

She thinks she is doing something wrong

How do we tell her she is all the rightness in the world?

Sincerely,

Me

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