Instructions for attending a normal birth

Dear Midwife,

~Instructions for attending a normal birth~

Watch me.

Watch me lean over and groan.

Watch me sway or rock or dance.

Watch me find my rhythm.

Watch me breathe through a contraction.

As it ends, watch me have a drink of water.

Then watch me relax myself, resting, waiting for the next wave.

Then watch me breathe again.

As you sit there, just outside the vortex, know that my world has shrunk to a bubble.

Be careful. Don’t burst it.

A careless word, a bright light… they would be unwelcome right now.

Watch in awe I play out the age-old miracle.

The world turns for me, the edges go fuzzy, time turns inside out.

There’s a big slithery feeling

And then there’s a BABY!

Warm and slippery and fresh from my own body.

Worth every push, grunt, drop of sweat.

Worth every tightening, every stretch mark.

Wait! I’m still in my bubble. It is not finished yet.

Keep your hats and your clamps and your scissors and needles.

Keep your telephones, your scales, your exclamations

Keep us warm and keep the room quiet and still.

Watch me meet me baby.

Watch his eyes find mine.

Watch his hands and then his mouth find my nipple.

Watch me discover in wonder each finger, each hair, each wrinkle

Don’t disturb the awe of this first meeting.

Please. Just watch.

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I wrote this while i was pregnant with my second baby. I was anxious, although not because of the pain of labour, which I had experienced before.

Don't get me wrong, it was intense. And my pain threshold is pants. I say to the women in my classes, I stub my toe, I'm done for the day.

But I was more worried about who would attend me, and whether she would care for me in the way I wanted. Basically, I just wanted her present to keep an eye on us and reassure me if I needed it. Other than that, I wanted to be left alone (unless there was something amiss, of course).

This started as a birth plan, a way to communicate to my midwives what I felt I needed to labour well. It turned into a plea, and it ended as... I dunno, some people have referred to it as a poem. But I'm a snob when it comes to poems. (IT'S GOT TA RHYME!) To me this is just... a list of instructions. This is how I wanted to be cared for when I was vulnerable. This was MY hopes for those first moments. They are precious. There is no do-over.

Every mum is different, so not everyone wants the same things. Some want a caesarean birth, and that's an OK thing to want as well. Another thing I say to mums all the time: It's OK to want things. Maybe these Instructions resonate with you. Maybe not.

If you are pregnant, what type of care do you hope for? What do you feel you need to feel safe, relaxed and cared for enough that the process unfolds as safely as possible for you and your baby?

If you've given birth, what did you need?

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