On My Way

So, in the last article we focused on the why and how things got the way they were. In this one I would like to focus on the shenanigans that lead and kept me in difficult situations. Both with family and friends. From legal points mainly. We'll start with school and how things turned sour.

As we've read I wasn't the most academically inclined child. I bounced around a lot and got set back by my own mother because she was afraid of the ridicule I would most likely get from my size and stature. These things didn't sit well with me so of course, I acted out and that lead me into some dark days while I tried to figure things out for myself. We had moved around a few times, starting in a trailer park, then moving into Barry's parents' house where my brother moved in with us. The influence of my brother and surrounding energy is what had me feel so prosperous in the face of dangerous things I decided to get into. One of which was skipping out on going to school. It started pretty simply with that, truancy lead to other devious things cause, well, I had all this free time and wasn't doing anything productive with it. Also I was a very angry child when I was confronted by mom, her her boyfriend, my brother... really anyone... I more or less flew off the handle.

I guess the ACTUAL crime sprees started when we moved into our own house over in Commerce Township. Nice house, 3 bed, 2&1/2 bath, nice 2 car garage sitting on a decent amount of land. I already didn't go to school, and that was becoming a big deal, but when I found myself involved with some hooligans downtown, I really started going off. I don't recall the names of the people I was hanging around with, but I do remember one specifically. This girl... geeky looking red head, she wore glasses and had a bad attitude ALL THE TIME. She took my virginity to get even with her boyfriend who had been cheating on her. I fell and starting trying to tag along with her, her brother, and his friends. Stupid. Mom obviously was kind of weary of all of it, but she's also the woman who gave me the condoms to use on this girl (After I already went in without one), which I thought was great at the time, 14yrs old, being allowed to smoke, drink, and have sex... yes. No. It was fun but, mentally it probably fucked me up more than helping me move forward. Anyway, so I was now engulfed with this girl and her friends. We started small, stealing Coricidin Cold and Flue from the store down the road from their house. I discovered "Robo-Trippin" in that phase of my life. Pretty great, REALLY DUMB. Well, one night we all got stoned and went in to make our rounds. I grabbed what I wanted to take for myself, and then a few extra for later on. We got caught this time though and of course, I took the wrap. They agreed to let me off easy if I told them where they others were. I couldn't do it so the locked me up on shoplifting charges.

I spent the next month or so in the youth center out in Jackson, when I came back, I was truant from school and that violated the probation terms so inevitably I was placed back in the care of the youth center. In my second visit, we had a lot of people coming in and out but the one's that stuck out the most had to be the few kids that I got into trouble with on my first offense. Two of the boys that I shoplifted with came through and immediately recognized me. We talked and they thanked me for not turning them in, unfortunately, when I ragged on them for getting caught anyway, well let's just say they didn't take it too lightly. I got bumped around every chance they got near me. Sometimes, they would even steal my food and dessert tray. Otherwise, I was doing alright, exercising on a regular, my writing skills had improved immensely, and I had even got to read a few good books while I was in and out of there. Anyway, I got back out, but I didn't quite learn anything... except not to hang around those kids. I tried to hang out with that girl, but she was so looped into her boyfriend (same guy that cheated on her, oh, and beats her) that I had to let go. It drove me mad but I didn't know how else to deal so, I just kept my distance and went back to doing dumb illegal shit on my own. I got locked up a few more times for not going to school, I also collected an array of friends who loved to do stupid things in very stupid ways. But I was game for whatever at this point.

I met this girl, Savannah. She was 17 going on 18, and I was going on 15. Gorgeous girl, very well developed, and she knew what she wanted. I loved it. Of course, at the time I was very sex driven and that played a huge role in our game. Every so often she would come over and we would just be together. Watching movies, laying down in each other's arms, I would play with her hair and kiss her. She would play with my dick and kiss on me. It was pretty great, I had thought nothing could be better. I actually LIKED going to school cause every day, I would get to come home, and she would be right there, wanting to help me out and push me to do better. School got tough and all I wanted to do was spend time with Savannah though, so I stopped going. Eventually, life caught back up to me though and I got put away for truancy again. This time, while I had my books, and my parents would come to visit once in a while, what made me more ok with the way things were is Savannah. I wrote to her every day, and she wrote back! We were close, even though so far apart. I told my mom and dad and Barry about this, and they seemed to be pleased that I was keeping my mind busy in positive ways. I got out and Savannah seemed a little different. We still laughed and played and loved each other, I got to meet her parents and we really hit it off... or so I thought. One of the conditions I had on my probation was regular drug testing, I failed a drug test and it pissed Savannah off in a pretty big way. I got put back in for violating, picked up my books, paper, and wrote to Savannah every day (just like before). She didn't respond as quickly as before though, it worried me. One day I got a letter from Savannah and it was long and colorful. I was ecstatic when I started the read but devastated when I finished. It was an apology letter; saying that she cheated on me and she was sorry, that it would never happen again. A few weeks past and I got released again, I confronted her about the situation and she acknowledged what happened. She then told me that she was pregnant and didn't know what to do. I couldn't do anything so I gathered myself up, bottled the rage, and went back home.

We ended up losing the house for financial reasons that I had no interest or control over and moved back into Barry's parents' house. My brother moved back with us of course and things got very shifty as I began trying to get my life back together. I began going to school on a regular and hating my life because of it. I went back to hanging out with my old friends and slowly returned to my scandalous ways. One day, I left school early for a probation meeting and when I came home, I just wanted to be alone. My terms got extended and I was EXTREMELY pissed about it. Prior to the days beginning, I had asked my brother if I could borrow his shoes and a shirt because I wanted to look nice for the meeting after school. When I got home, my mom had gone inside, she was not happy either. Suddenly my brother jumped into the car and DEMANDED I give him his shoes. Yelling that I had no right to take them from him. We got in a fight over it with me trying to remain calm I told him I would give them back INSIDE the house. He yelled back and demanded I take them off NOW and give them to him. I told him no and just as quick as it started off, he reached back from the driver seat and punched me in the face. I repeatedly swung back on him and clocked him a good few times, he started laughing and got out of the car backing up toward the house. I leaped out of the car right behind him and jumped on him. I threw lefts, rights, grabbed him by the neck and started kneeing him in the head. By this point, the neighbors had come out of their houses and were watching my brother get kicked and hit while I was screaming at him. I'd thrown his shoes in his face and went after him with all I had. He was covering his face, ducking and backing up toward the porch, yelling at me to stop. I wouldn't. I knew as soon as I let my guard down he was going to come back after me. I kept swinging and eventually, the police arrived. We were still slugging it out in the front yard, I got tackled to the ground and cuffed. Colin took his shoes and shirt and I was loaded into the back of the cop car and hauled off. Back in the youth center I picked my books back up, began writing again and let the time pass.

I got out, and time passed, Memorial Day came and I was furious. My mom's boyfriend had this old house that he locked all of his collectibles in. From Playboy memorabilia to Elvis collectibles, all the way down to cans and bottles and psychotic Halloween decorations that he would put up when he turned the house into a haunted house and do walkthroughs. Recently there was a pair of Rims stashed in the house. I had a plan though, I WANTED THOSE RIMS. I wasn't even sure why, but I just had to have them. I got so obsessed with the idea of just having them I resorted to plotting to break into the house and stealing the rims for myself. I linked up with my buddy RJ and told him all about the rims, he didn't know they weren't mine. I had him come to the house with me to help bring them back over to the garage over at his place. Of course, the door was locked, Mom came out and rationally said that we should just wait, should have waited. Didn't. I ran into the house, grabbed a butter knife and tried to pry open the door. I had no intentions to break the door, I just wanted to get the rims out, and then I was going to close up the house and go about my life. Didn't quite pan out that way though. The door broke, I brought out the rims and we started off with them. Mom came out and saw what happened. Barry was calling the cops, she yelled. I split. Ran as fast as I could telling RJ I would meet him back at the house. I ran as fast as I could through the neighborhood and darted right up into the rafters of RJ's garage. RJ eventually strolled up the drive followed shortly by 2 cruisers. I grabbed a smoke from RJ and sat up in the rafters while he chatted with the police. They eventually coaxed me into coming down calmly and giving myself up on the terms that they let me have one more cigarette and get to say goodbye to RJ and his mom, who both kind of took me in and looked over me in hard times. I did just that and went back to my place of reading, drawing, writing, and solitude.

I got out and things started going alright for a while, but of course, I had to go fuck it up again. I was in a bad place and needed to get right with my aggression. Mom's boyfriend and I got into an argument about school and living... general nonsense basically. I blew it off and went out to the garage to blow off some steam. I went looking for a tool to go work on something to try and get my mind off things. Barry followed me out and started at me for using the tools without asking. I pleaded for him to leave me alone, he wouldn't. Insisting that I was in HIS GARAGE, using HIS tools without permission. True. I wasn't having it though, just wanted to be left alone. So it quickly escalated into em throwing whatever was in reach at him and trying to storm past so I could get on with my day. I threw a hammer, a saw blade, a screwdriver and a few other things too. I grabbed a flat head screwdriver and charged him. Barry put me in a headlock and was pleading me to stop fighting him or else he was going to have the cops called. I wouldn't, and he wouldn't let go. I stabbed him with the screwdriver and darted off to the other garage to grab an ax. We had 2 old Ford Rangers in the back yard sitting there for parts (I guess). Well, I was so enraged EVERYTHING CAME OUT! I jumped on the hood of the truck and swung the ax. Broke the windshield and shattered everything. Chopped up the dashboard and then switched to the hatchets to chop up the hood. Everyone in the neighborhood was basically surrounding the house at this point. Mom was screaming and crying, Barry was back in the house tending to the screwdriver wound. While I was thrashing and trashing everything in sight, I hadn't noticed the cops pull in the drive. 2 squad cars, and an SUV unit rolled up on me and I darted after Barry who had come back out of the house to try and settle the situation. I then got tackled to the ground by one of the 4 officers. The officer put his foot on my neck and begged me to stop fighting, but I wouldn't, so he maced me. I lost it. Tears in my eyes, burning in my soul, I fought every step of the way back to the cop car. Just like that, I was back in the hole.

The intention of this article was to open up some eyes. Hoping to reveal to you some of the darkness that I had bottled up. All of these things are what helped me become the person I am today. Life has definitely humbled me in many ways. I truly do hope that in these excerpts I may be able to show people how NOT to handle certain things, while maybe even opening their hearts up to see that while not everything was bad... it could have been handled much better. I do have a lot more to tell, I urge you to stay tuned. Please, leave feedback as well, always looking to impress upon myself and get better than what I may be.