Never Ending Cycles

So you've been trying to start or add to your family. You might be trying for your first child, you may have remarried and you want more children, or you're trying for baby number 2 but months and months have gone by. Heck, maybe even a year or more.

Maybe you have already seen a Fertility Specialist, and have a diagnosis. PCOS, endometriosis, tilted uterus, low AMH, high testosterone, poor quality eggs, low sperm count... the list goes on! So many things play into creating life! You probably thought this would take a month or two, but you've hit some road blocks, and you're 18 months in. Each cycle is starting to feel pointless or hopeless. But you cannot give up just yet!

There are so many couples walking the same path with you. My husband and I are one of them. 30 months, yes, 30... have gone by, and we still don't have a little one to hold. But we are not going to stop trying until we have our baby in our arms. I know there is a lot of grief that comes with each failed IUI, TI or IVF cycle, because I've been there myself! I'm going to share some tips with you, that I used, to overcome these stages or grief.

Denial

You have your IUI and you think, "I have to get pregnant this cycle. The doctor said everything was perfect!" For the next two weeks you're symptom spotting and feel so excited to get your beta blood work done! 14 days later, you take a pregnancy test, but the results are negative. The doctor calls to confirm that the blood work did not show for pregnancy. You felt pregnant. You have this guy feeling your pregnant. The tests have to be wrong. So you take three, maybe five, more pregnancy tests but their all negative. You call the doctors office, and they tell you they don't want to repeat your blood work because its 99.99% accurate. And your heart hits your heels.

Instead try telling yourself that you cannot control the situation. Try mindful meditations, keep a journal and learn techniques that teach you that "failure" is okay! Plus if it did not work this time, it may work next time!

Bargain

After getting all of those negative results, you start bargaining with God, (If you believe) that if he gives you a child you will/wont _______________________________. Or, if you're a non-believer, you start bargaining with yourself. If I'm not pregnant in two more cycles I will/wont __________________________.

Instead, try seeing things for what they are. Your cycle didn't fail because of something you did or didn't do. The science was just off! You will have more chances!

Anger

You will probably get super upset and angry, that this cycle is a bust. You may take it out on your spouse, on the doctors, or even yourself. I know I blamed my self so many times!

Just let the emotions come and go. You can not be angry because making a human takes extremely perfect conditions, and no one can make that happen! It's all up to science! If you can not relax try reading a book, watching your favorite TV shows or talk with your partner about how you are feeling.

Acceptance

You known that there is nothing you can do to change that negative result to a positive one. You've accepted that this cycle just didn't work. After a lot of crying of course! You will start preparing for a new cycle in just a few short days and you will begin the process all over again!

Be sure to stay positive and mindful about this journey! Keeping a journal has helped me tremendously! Remember it is okay to feel all of the emotions you're feeling!

Most importantly, do not give up! Keep trying until you have what you're working so hard for!