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I am a mother without giving birth

By Ute Luppertz ✨ Published about a month ago 3 min read
Photo by Maniraj Madishetty on Unsplash

I have always been a mother — for many lifetimes. Give me a kid, and I know what to do. It comes naturally. I remember, and I love to nurture.

Early on in my life, during my childhood, I watched my mother struggle. I felt her frustration and resentment about raising children and her bottled-up desire to be free and not shackled by parenting.

Motherhood was a given for women of her generation, and it was assumed that having babies was the goal; it was a foregone conclusion. Period.

My mom was deeply unhappy, and my dad was not much help either. Being the man of the house, he was often absent. He was the breadwinner and hung out with the guys in his free time, not with his children.

When I was fifteen, I decided it was not for me.

I did not want to repeat what I saw my mother do. I did not want my children to inherit my unprocessed trauma. The concept of “family” felt repulsive. Many of my peers were eager to start their own families to do things differently and better than their parents.

Not me.

I made a vow that I wanted to be whole and heal my childhood wounds before I would consider having children of my own. I always wondered whether my parents would have embraced their fate differently if they had received parenting support.

First and foremost, I wanted to help other people’s children, especially kids who were mistreated, misunderstood, or simply different.

So, I got myself a graduate degree in special education and embarked on my mission.

After a disillusioned stint in the public school system, I went off the grid for a few years to travel, explore other cultures, do spiritual things, and dive deep into my mother- wound. It turned out to be a wise decision.

The longer I worked on becoming whole, the more complete I felt.

It was complex and oh-so liberating. I found freedom in loving big and small people, nature, and animals and discovered infinite ways of expressing my maternal energy.

I love children. I cannot imagine my life without them.

I was fortunate because I worked with children of all ages and their parents at a private school. I had the freedom to be wickedly creative, instill joy for learning in my students, and counsel many families.

Not to be a downer, but there were times when I witnessed great pain in the children of adults who were at odds with each other. I saw parents fight tooth and nail in front of their offspring. It was heartbreaking.

I also witnessed the cared-for, grounded children who were innately confident because they were wanted, cherished, and had happy families.

This was healing for me, too. It was beautiful to see so many kids grow up, be resilient, and overcome challenges, be they academic, social, or due to family heartbreak.

And I got to play a tiny part in it.

You are hilarious! — Paul, nine years old

Can I come home with you and sleep in your dog’s bed? — Maya, seven years old

You really see who my child is — Sarah, mom of ten-year-old Deena

Every night, he sings the songs you taught him when he goes to sleep— Joe, dad of eight-year-old Justin

To this day, I am in contact with some of my former students. To this day, I have never once regretted not giving birth.

As an archetype, the mother goddess is a goddess entity/figure who represents or is the personification of nature, motherhood, fertility, creation, destruction, or who embodies the bounty of the Earth.

My life is whole, and my love is boundless. I can be a mother whenever I want. I am thankful for that.


About the Creator

Ute Luppertz ✨

I am an animal lover, a meditator, and a wisdom keeper. I live my passion through writing about life and animals and working as a pet death doula and animal communicator.

You can learn more about me here: petspointofview

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Comments (3)

  • Ainy Abrahamabout a month ago

    You have a different thinking and I respect that. You are conscious and want to give best. That shows your sensitive nature. Stay blessed.

  • Lacy Loar-Gruenlerabout a month ago

    Thank you, Ute, for this soul-bearing story. I, too, have always had a passion for helping people feel heard and validated, but my maternal instinct was always for cats because I knew I would be a terrible disciplinarian with kids. I also sensed my mom gave up her glamourous career to have kids a bit unwillingly. Like you said, it was just how it was then. I also taught early in my career and loved the little ones who call it like they see it. I feel like your story validated my choices, too! I will share an interesting fact with you. A very high percentage of my friends who have children say they love them, but if they had it to do over.... Great job on this story!

  • Belleabout a month ago

    I love this! I find this narrative refreshing, not wanting to be a mother but still wanting to help, recognizing traumas and areas of err, but still wanting to reform in nurturing ways that don't require parenthood. As someone who wants to become a future educator, I admire this ❤️ Amazing work, Ute!

Ute Luppertz ✨ Written by Ute Luppertz ✨

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