My Mother's Daughter

My mother. A small frail little lady who sat peacefully in her recliner with a blanket draped across her lap,with a book in her hands. It was a week of reflection for me, we had recently learned that her stomach cancer had returned. The last few days were a bit quiet at home as I would check on her like a mother with a newborn. Our roles in life had changed when I became her fulltime caretaker.

Cancer, it loomed in the house like dark smoke. In that smoke I could see my mom, all her memories that she shared with me, all those stories came to life from her being that little girl growing up in Spreckels, too being a young bride when she married my dad and the adventures they had and then to becoming my mom. It also gave me a reflection of myself and the times I thought she was just out to ruin my life, and how I would fight against her in those rebellious teenage years of mine.

Now I wanted to fight for her, let nothing harm her, keep her safe until this dark smoke disappeared from our life. I made a promise to my dad before his passing that I would take care of her and I intended to keep that promise. I remember as a teenager when I couldn't wait to get away from her, now I couldn't imagine my life without her. When we talked I listened, I listened because I could finally hear her voice. I have a better understanding of what she meant and what she wanted for me. Maybe her dreams for me were not my dreams, but now we shared the same dream, and that was for life. We were not giving up so easily.

I often found myself just watching her sleep, my dog Trigger by her side. That border collie loved her as much as I did. He never left her side and was a comfort not only for my mom but he knew when to come out and let me know he was there for me too. Our little dog Bullet and her kitty Stitch kept her entertained as they played throughout the house. I tried to keep things as normal as possible but deep in my heart I knew this may be the end of our chapter.

My mother was not ready to give up, that delicate little lady still had a little fight in her. I was just her sidekick coach telling her she could knock this out. Mom had doctor appointments that last week, and we would learn more on the stage her cancer was in and what our options was. I did my best to be real with her, she depended on me, she depended on me to make the right choices for her. Her mindset was that she would be going to the hospital, and she would tell me daily of things she would need for when she goes. In a way, I thought this was a good thing. Her last few hospital stays had been either straight from the doctors' office or an ambulance ride. So her being prepared was a plus in moving forward.

As my emotions ran deep, my heart feared losing her. I wasn't ready for that. I didn't think I ever would be. But it was just a matter of weeks before stomach cancer would take her from me a few days after Christmas in 2017. As hard as it was to lose her, I found peace in knowing that her and my dad were reunited and crusing those roads of heaven in that old Studabaker truck my dad drove. Destination unknown, just like those family vacations we took every summer.

Like shoes on your feet, they belonged together.