My Brother Visited My Dream

This is a dream that I had roughly 7 years ago about my late brother.

About a month before this dream, my brother had committed suicide. It was an extremely traumatic time in my life, and it was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t function normally. Then, I had this dream.

I want to start by setting up the scene. When I walked into this dream, yes I walked into it, it was the two houses that I had lived in with my brother connected at the kitchen. Not sure why my brain chose that layout but it did. When I walked in, I literally was coming from white clouds into this kitchen. I was super confused and looking around and then I saw him. I saw my brother AJ. I was able to talk to him. We sat down on the couch and he was telling me how sorry he was that he had left us. I told him that everyone was taking it incredibly hard and it was so hard to believe that he was gone. He told me again how sorry he was and asked how my brothers and my mom were doing.

I pulled a laptop onto my lap from off of the seat next to me, and I was able to go onto a different version of Facebook. In this version I was able to see, real time, how my family was dealing with the loss of my brother, and what they were feeling.

I scrolled by my oldest brother, and I filled AJ in about how he was really going through it, and really struggling. I told AJ that if it wasn’t for my new nephew that he would be a mess. The distraction was good for him and he was coping with it better than I thought. I then scrolled by my mom and I told AJ that she was putting on a brave face but I knew that inside she was just as broken as I was. I then scrolled by my middle brother and told AJ that he was taking it hard, he was in another state and wasn’t sure how to get through this.

AJ looked devastated. A look I had never seen on his face when he was alive. Every time I saw him he had a big smile on his face. He was always cracking jokes, always trying to make everyone happy. He turned to me and gave me a hug. He said he was so incredibly sorry for putting everyone through that and he never meant to hurt any of us.

He gave me another hug, told me he loved me and said he had to go now. I told him he didn’t have to go anywhere and that I missed him so much. He reiterated that he did in fact have to leave and he was sorry. He disappeared into the hallway and then I woke up.

It all happened so fast I wasn’t able to ask him any of my questions that I had when I woke up. Why did he do it? Could any of us have prevented it? Was he at peace now? Was he happy? I still regret not asking those questions but I am so incredibly thankful that I had this experience with him. I really do feel like he came and visited me, and he came to say goodbye. I still get chills thinking about that dream and I always wonder if it really was a dream.