Moms are y'all okay? I mean really!
Moms take some time to read this and take a break!
Hello Moms! How is everyone? I mean for real. How are y’all? Please, don't say fine because I can see that you are not. Guess what? Me either! And it’s okay! It’s nothing wrong with you feeling this way. People try to paint the picture like motherhood is perfect and in reality it’s not. If you were to go look at my social media, you would probably think she is the perfect mom and she is doing great. So, why aren’t I? Let me tell you, pictures can be deceiving!
In reality, I don’t know any mom that’s ever okay or fine. Motherhood is extreme. We all have our ups and downs, joys, frustrations, love that is unconditional and draining at the same time, and pure fatigue. It overtakes us because we try to be the best that we can be for our children but let's be honest it’s exhausting and sometimes too much.
As I was reading the Scary Mommy Blog, the article, “ To the Mom on the Brink of Breaking” by Annie Reneau stood out to me and gave me some relief. It made me realize, that I wasn’t the only one who was feeling this way. I could officially kick aside my guilt of feeling guilty because I want a break. I need a break sometimes for myself, mentally, physically and emotionally so I can be the best mom for my kids. As she mentioned in her article, “those extremes can wear you down” and she even goes on to say even the good ones (Reneau, 2017). If we aren’t taking care of ourselves, what are we showing our children?
I’ve been there. I had my first baby at 21, right after graduating college. At that time, that was young for me and young in today’s time. I had no time to enjoy myself after such a huge accomplishment of graduating or just being able to enjoy myself in my early 20s. All I could hear in the back of my brain was that I was about to be a mom. Automatically, I had shifted into mommy mode. My life was taken over by this small human being that I loved so much. I cried when he cried. I had restless nights from breastfeeding, changing diapers and more. By the end of that year, I found out I was pregnant with my second child. But I felt like no one could do this job better than me. So, I didn’t trust anyone else to take care of them other than me. I was drained. As I tell my sons, "momma is pooped"! I even think I was depressed because I started to see I lost myself. I lost me as a person! I began to not want to do anything, became frustrated, stressed, depressed, whatever! You name it, I probably was feeling it. I realized that I needed a break.
But when I vocalized it. It was like nobody was understanding me. I was being overlooked because I was a mom and moms don’t deserve breaks because we have children to raise. I use to think but what about me. Doesn’t it matter how I feel. I love my kids to death. There is no questions about that. As we see, a mother love is unimaginable! But I needed a break from being a mom. I just wanted to feel like me again. I was a person, a person who had a name before I became a mom. But now I’m only seen as a mom.
Out of 7 years and probably almost a break up. I realized I had to start thinking about me and my well-being. Trust me it was scary. It might sound crazy to others. People may even question, how can something so simple be so scary? Something so simple as getting a break for myself. It wasn't that easy for me. My brain was constantly running and telling itself who was going to be perfect for them other than me? Who was going to read them stories, play games with them, make sure they stayed on schedule, ate on time and more.
However, the day I broke down crying out of nowhere. I had come to the realization that it was time. Time to take a break. I finally got up one morning and said I’m going for a walk without my kids. I just left! I texted my fiancé, let him know and I left. It was the greatest feeling in the world. I finally did something for me that made me feel like me again. I told myself, I might not be able to do it every day but I am going to take breaks for myself, my soul, and my conscience.
Moms it doesn’t have to be hard. It doesn’t have to be a whole day or weekend. It can be an hour. It can be going to the store to shop by yourself or with your friends, reading a book, doing you nails, having a spa day, anything. It’s whatever you want it to be. But please take breaks. You will start to see the difference and the difference will make you an even better mommy and person! I know I have a lot of work to do but it’s a start. I just wanted to let you mommies know don’t feel guilty. It’s normal. People just don’t talk about it as much as they should. You are not alone. So, when you start to feel like you are on the verge of breaking, take that break honey. Do what’s best for you! Not your family! Not your husband! Not your kids! Not your friends! Do what is best for you!