Momma, You Deserve This

A letter to the person who contributed most, to my awakening. How could I thank you enough, mom? I have seen the world collapse in your own hands and at the same time I have seen you put it back together, piece by piece.

How do you do it, momma? When the world seemed so empty and far apart from itself, you pulled strings to reconnect it back together. You kept your heart damn near closed, yet I still could see the light between the stitches.

You emancipated yourself from the burden of trauma. You set sail when daddy just could not handle it anymore. Where did those tears fall when no one was looking? Did they fall into the ocean? Did they create the waves that lullabied us to sleep at night in Fajardo, Puerto Rico? You created freedom for us.

When we left daddy, life was unsure in its own unraveling. I trusted you though. I saw the eyes of an eagle, felt the protection of a bear, and heard the roar of a white lion to siren off the harm. You are magnificent, momma.

I watched your independence peak when the world judged you for becoming a single parent. I saw you eat it up as if fuel to your fire. You burned light into hallways and created torches when my own mind was dark. How do I honor that when words cannot express enough?

You have raised your only and oldest daughter, to become a woman of strength, resiliency, and power. You have demonstrated structure and stability. Showing me your bare hands, torn and bruised, building a heart of home within yourself. I value this. I value your efforts. I value your presence. I value your entirety.

You see momma, if it weren't for you. I'd remain breathless. Unable to gasp for air when born. You turned a constellation of stars into human form and raised me to become the best version of myself. Emotional bruises heal when I talk to you.

Every fight with baffled and judgmental neighboring eyes when the boys acted up, you ignored with a head held high. Almighty, you are, oh my. You've put me through college on your own. Paid my bills when I was too sick and depressed. You took care of my car when I left her in a parking garage in LA and flew across the world. You welcomed me back when I was too stubborn to acknowledge the mistakes I made. A momma soul you are.

After all of the years raising three kids on your own, I've seen your tiresome eyes beg for your own life back. I now get to witness your freedom and it melts my heart into a warming smile. You've just enjoyed a vacation in Cancun for the first time with one of your best mates. No kids and no responsibilities. No little humans to chase after or discipline.

I hope you continue to take your life back. I hope you continue to not only chase but create the dreams you've always aspired. You deserve that, momma. You deserve the healing of playfulness that joy naturally welcomes. Your spirit is now ready to run freely. You get to genuinely enjoy this physical realm however you want. With a road map in your heart's blueprint, where is next for you? The world is full of surprises. You taught me that. The other night, you had mentioned that you felt that God gifted me to you as your soldier. I believe that is true, because no matter how far away you and I are from each other, I'll cheer you on the entire way, momma.