MOM

Living with mental illness before times of acceptance, my Mom struggled. It wasn't as if we all knew what was going on. It was a big secret that she'd disappear and I'd spend a few nights at Emily's house. I was about eight when I learned the truth. My Mom was suicidal. Great.

She lived to 84. She kept trying to move forward against terrible odds. Her mother had suicided when she was a toddler. Family story has it that my mom at age 3 discovered her mom's body. Talk about childhood trauma!

I got handed the can opener at 12 and shared the cooking with my Dad. I out of the five of us, could sometimes pull her out of a deep depression with a cup of coffee(lesson learned: when someone is having trouble responding on a verbal level, do not ask if they want coffee, water, cookies, etc. Just bring it with you. They might eat or drink almost absentmindedly.) and inane talking including jokes and a " wink,wink " might work. I was a badly behaved kid . Yet I could get Mom to smirk, giggle, smile or laugh. I still have that gift and use it often with others. Thanks Mom.

Mom receded into an isolation of gigantic proportions. The Doctors decided on shock treatments and I lost my Mom for about 4 years. Face flat as a pancake staring out the window. It hurt to see her like that. It was my turn not to give up. I learned perseverance and slowly she returned but not quite the same. She seemed so thin and drawn, so unlike the witty, brilliant, beautiful woman I knew.

At 17 I fell in love and ran off to Canada, leaving four in the family to figure things out. Eight years and two kids later I returned, destitute in full blown denial of my own mental illness. my parents had moved from Massachusetts to Florida. I had made a mess of living on my own. My parents lovingly gave me shelter from the storm. Mom's moods had improved since moving to Florida. The sunshine loaded with vitamin D improves some types of depression. She no longer slept from November to April through the northern winter but fished in the southern paradise by a turquoise sea. It was a good move for all of us.

As far as I know there is no cure for mental illness but there are treatments that can make a big difference. Thirty years ago there were fewer treatments and she got was available.

My Mom had a hard life. She lived through the Great Depression being shuffled around to relatives after her mom died. She returned home and worked in her Dad's garage and then in a munitions factory during WW2. She married young, had children young and functioned fairly well despite the manic depression (we call it bi-polar now). She was a fighter,full of skills, humor and resilience (5 feet 2 inches of Grit!) She loved the beach as I do.

Thank God for the hard times she went through that prepared me for that part of life and for the good times where she was and always is the benevolent queen of my heart.

Here are some simple survival and sensible approaches to keep you serene and safe.

1. Sit with your back to the wall to have a clear vision of your surroundings.

2. Always check where the exit and the ladies room are in case of emergency.

3. Keep a secret stash of between $20 & $100 in case it is time to stealthily take leave.

4. Do Not Gossip. loose lips sink ships.

5.Champion the underdog. It could be you.

6. Let your life be led with Love, though it be hollow, empty, & cursed

Let your life be led with love, though it fill you till you burst