Mom, do you remember?

Hi Mom!

Standing on your back porch seeing the storage trailers I need to sort through. Wonder what I’ll find. Guess it’s time to get started. I head out towards them and the gate, like always, squeaks. How many times have I gone through this gate and never thought to oil it until opening it on my way out. Of course, always in a hurry and telling myself, “next time, I’ll remember, next time”.

As usual, I’m the one with time available to do this. “Keep what you want”, they said “then sell, give away, throw away, somehow get rid of everything. Nothing of value there that we want''. They’re too busy to be here to help. I used to get upset when they talked about their careers, their homes, their investments, their professional lives and how eminent they are. I only work with horses, cattle, drive trucks; not an important career like they have. Don’t have a list of letters behind my name or a position with a staff, hence, I’m just ordinary. The life, experiences and memories that I have from working with you and dad before you guys left are pretty special to me. I contemplate if their memories of the boardrooms and emergency rooms are as special to them?

I remember the time Morgan flew across the country with the kids Saturday afternoon, visited dad in the hospital Sunday morning and flew out that same afternoon because she couldn’t be gone any longer from her job. Humph, too busy with her career to spend a full day visiting dad. Too busy for more than 15 minutes to let him visit with the grandson he’d never seen before and never saw again. Do you think the world would have really collapsed if she had stayed another day? Oh well, we’ll never know.

On to the task of sorting through the trailers. I wonder how many treasures are hidden in these trailers? Still hear you saying, ”but Jerry, one more trailer won’t matter”. And he’d bring another 53 foot trailer home. Three for me to sort through and discover how many treasures you have packed away. Thanks mom! Did you see the eye roll?

It’s getting so dark in here I’m going to take the last box from this shelf into the house and look through tonight. I can’t believe I have been in this trailer 6 hours and have not even finished the first trailer. Well, actually the way my back feels I can believe it. No priceless treasures found yet, but this box you wrote my name on it so, maybe.

Mom, it is a box of my treasures from high school. Have not thought about these things in years. Can’t even remember the mascot, gee whiz. Still probably the only kid to graduate without ever going to a game of any kind in Jr. high and high school. Any awards for this?

Always too busy with Butterscotch, the palomino gelding Grandmother gave me, remember him?

Do you remember when my best friend dated the football captain our junior year? What was his name? Dropped her for a girl who put her initials on his chest with hickeys, oh my gosh, the things we laughed about when I was in high school.

Look! Look! It’s that notebook you gave me for my birthday. I can remember how the Moleskine felt when I unwrapped it. I wanted a different color but black did stay clean like you said it would. Still looks in great shape. What secrets and memories I wrote in this black notebook, I wonder. Moleskine hmm, remember you telling Jane that nauga’s were where the naugahyde covering for seats came from, hahaha.

Do you remember any of the memories I shared? I’m going to make a cup of Sleepy time tea, take it to bed, read what I wrote and see if I might remember what the notes were about. How many times did we pick books out together as we got ready for bed? Do you have books there? I know I’ve probably asked that before. Ever going to answer me?

Good morning mom!

You are not going to believe this, I read until 3am and didn't even finish because of the memories the little jots brought back. Can you believe it? 3 am. The memories the little notations bring back, find it amazing. Don’t write long journal entries or entire pages about my days in the planner I use now, even now, just a word or short note. Never could spend the time writing them on paper instead of just keeping them in my head, and then not remembering what I was supposed to when I was planning the next day. Probably why Gary told me I have the memory of an elephant. Maybe ‘cause I remembered his girlfriends names better than he did, he he. The memories won't stop circling around in my head as I fix breakfast.

Can’t wait to see what else it brings up. Did you ever think about the things you and dad enabled me to be able to do?

Gosh, an entry about the day the tire came off the horse trailer on the way to the Youth World horse show. It rolled over 4 lanes of traffic, bounced off a car and rolled back to our side. Always wondered what the driver told the insurance adjustor had happened to his car. I could not have rolled it that far if I had tried with no traffic and it went over the median twice. This was the event that you and dad came to and watched me show. It was snowing on July the 4th! Gayle and I had hauled up together. I met the nicest guy when we were out for dinner. Wish I had given him my correct phone number, but I didn’t know him and I was 17. Same trip that the syrup bottle top came off during breakfast at IHOP and Gayle had to wear the syrup back to the trailer before she could change clothes. Not the best horse show trip ever. They even shot the insulation in the arena with a pellet gun to burst the water pockets from the leaks in the roof before class, so they would not burst on a rider as they went under, hahaha. What a week.

Remember the show in Oklahoma City that you, dad, grandmother and granddad came to? The first year I was showing for the ranch? You know, the one Gary brought his current girlfriend to. Why did I not listen to you about marrying him? That was the only time Grandmother and Granddad watched me show professionally. Do you think I will miss you as much as you missed her? Hell, as I miss her.

Did any of your friends have as strong a friendship with their daughters as we had? Was just like being your 3rd younger sister instead of your daughter, ha-ha, especially when you could not believe you had a daughter that was 50. Mom, you shouldn’t have started so young. I am grinning here.

Ha-ha, here is the entry about me hitting the fence with the pickup and not telling you what happened. Dad caught on right away and asked me what happened. When I told him, you said, “but I asked if anyone knew what happened” and you did. Anyone didn’t answer. I knew how upset you were going to be that I had hit the fence with the, new to you, pickup. Now you know who I learned to watch for details from? Gotcha there.

Gotta get busy again. Two more trailers to sort through. Wonder what I was doing when I stopped using this notebook? By the way, Thank You for saving it. I’m gonna read the last entry before I go out to tackle the next trailer. Hmm, wonder what it is about?

Mom, you made the last entry! How did you know that I would not find it until now? How did you know that I would ever find it?

Oh My Gosh, what if I hadn’t found it? Be just like a winning Lotto ticket that never got checked. What were you thinking, huh, what? If either Morgan or Kurt were helping me this box would have probably been thrown out. You know neither of them keep anything that isn’t worth money.

Did you mean for me to find it before now? How will I ever know the answers? Did you mean for me to find it when you were still here? Was it supposed to be a surprise? You had said many times that we needed to organize the trailers, have a huge sale to get enough money for another trip around the world together. We never did go see the pyramids or ride a camel. Remember the camel saddle that Uncle Daniel had sent?

I WILL use the money for the trip you planned for us. By the way though, the money was meant for you to enjoy, not to put into a savings account. I really wish you were going on the trip with me. Do you think people will understand me taking the trip by myself? Well, not really by myself. Me, you and a new Moleskine notebook, in the color I pick out this time. But it will probably be black again because of you and the memories I have in this one and the memories I plan on writing in the new one. I promise, I will try to use complete sentences this time.

I know Morgan and Kurt will never understand me using the $20,000 on a trip instead of investing it so that it will grow. Think I should tell them what my online membership for horsewomen really makes a month so they won’t worry about me spending the money so frivolously? I know, I know, I should not silently snicker as Kurt tells me how much he, a Doctor, makes a year. Or when Morgan talks about her new car or the new remodel on the current house. Think she’ll ever buy one she likes? Can you really see my finger quotes when I talk to you? The eye rolls, the smiles, the grins? You know, I do really enjoy being just ordinary to them as I snicker.

Well, off to call an agent and book the trip of a lifetime that you laid out in my notebook. You know, the trailers number two and number three will still be sitting here when I get back. Will they have another surprise in them? Or should I just let someone else do it?

Tata for now, as they say in the first country on the agenda. Love you.