Loss

I know I’m not alone in experiencing loss of friends and family, especially over the last two years. Some we saw coming, yet despite all our hopes, we lost. Others came as a complete surprise, leaving whole new clusters of emotions to work through. Whether you know Death has his scythe ready or it hits you out of the blue, I don’t think most people are ready to say goodbye.

How do you cope whether you’re telling your loved one goodbye, or they died suddenly in an accident? I do not think you ever stop thinking about them, or the void in your heart. Some of us cope with our friends and family; just trying to remember the good times and memories - a wake if you will.

Others of us will bottle those emotions in, burying them deep in your heart. I am not a psychiatrist, but I have been a mental patient with years of therapy. Bottling your emotions is one of the least helpful things you can do.

The good thing about humans and humanity are a lot of us are here for each other. Prayers are nice, but ask what can you do to make a difference or help? Sign up on a food chain, where people can select a day and time, and have a hot meal delivered. Offer to walk the dog or see to the house if plans require travel. But most of all, the most helpful of all, is BE THERE when someone suffering a major loss needs you. They might say they don’t need anyone, but more than likely this is a lie. People need people, especially in times of physical or emotional trauma. Sitting next to them in silence might be more than enough to let them know they are not alone.

I lost my full of life nephew at age 18 in 2020 to a brain tumor. Last week, I lost my great uncle Doug to old age. I had to live stream the funeral because we’re snowed in. Today I lost a boss in the performance of his job duties, and it’s horrible. I called him my work dad. With all these losses, how do you carry on?

I reiterate, I am not a doctor or a therapist. I’m just me, with my strange BPD brain, trying to sort this out. I’m starting to believe that the best way to honor those that have fallen is to be the best self you can be. I know that sounds trite and cliched, but hear me out.

We can sit in our houses or apartments and cry and complain about how unfair life is. Most of us learned at a young age life isn’t fair, and will pull you down kicking and screaming. The power to overcome starts by getting off the couch, or out of bed and get moving.

Your job is not to recreate your loved one’s life; it is to keep going and not let the memories fade. One day the happy memories will outweigh the sad ones. Go do something your loved one would have enjoyed, (even if it’s not really your jam). Do something that would make them proud. Our loved ones are gone; would they enjoy popping in to check on us, while we’re wrapped in a blanket eating ice cream? Or would they rather see us getting out in the world, leaving our mark, and a mark for our ones that have already left us?

I choose the latter. If I can help others, am I not also helping me heal as well? If you believe in Heaven, don’t you think your loved ones would love to see you make small acts of kindness while remembering them? There’s not a quick, good easy answer. Everyone copes with grief and regret in their own way. My opinion is simply get out there and let’s all try to take care of each other. We never know how long we will have together.

-Rhiannon Reeves-

“Take the ones you love

And hold them close because there is little time

And don't let it break your heart

I know it feels hopeless sometimes

But they're never really gone

As long as there's a memory in your mind

So now go do the best things in life

Take a bite of this world while you can

Make the most of the rest of your life

Make a ride of this world while you can

And hold on to memories

Hold on to every moment

To keep them alive

The world's greatest tragedy

Souls who are not remembered

Cannot survive”

David Draiman - Hold on to “Memories “