Little Black Book of Choices

$20,000, that’s a whole lot of money, isn’t it? What would you do for that much money? How far would you go to make sure that money was yours? I’m guessing pretty far, am I right? I should’ve asked myself just how far was I willing to go for $20,000. I can tell you now, it wasn’t worth what I did for that money. If I could go back and change my mind; if I could only go back and tell myself not to answer the door. I should’ve never picked up that notebook. That little black notebook.

It was a year ago, it was my last year of college, and I was barely making it. I was an art major, with no approval or support from my parents, I was also in between jobs at the moment. I was way behind in my insanely expensive rent for my studio apartment. My landlord was kind, but growing weary of me. It wasn't my fault he wanted to charge $18,000 for a simple studio apartment with only one window but NO real view. Life felt like it had taken a permanent seat right at good ole rock bottom. I was on the phone with my older sister, complaining about my super sad life, as usual. “I just don’t know what I’m going to do about my rent, Janet. It’s $18,000, but I owe my landlord $1,000 because he let me slide with paying $17,000 last month.” I whined. Janet sighed loudly over the phone. I ignored her and continued on. I knew that she was just going to lecture me about my life choices, so I might as well have finished the rest of my sob story. “Then, as if that’s bad enough, I need to put in my fee for the art group I got accepted into. That’s another $1,000.” I finished with a dramatic sigh.

My sister was silent for a moment. I waited patiently for the “big sister” talk. She finally took a deep breath and said “Okay, so this talk can go two ways, because I need to get up early tomorrow. I have an appointment with the wedding planner at 8:30 in the morning.” My sister was engaged to her high school sweetheart, Dan. It sounds cute; until you realize that she’s four years older than me, and got engaged her sophomore year of high school. They’ve been engaged nearly their entire relationship. Though I’ll never understand why she’s going through with it. He’s a devoted yes man, and my sister gets bored easily; you do the math.

"Just tell me what you have to say. Rip the band-aid right off. I can take it" I told my sister. "Well, I think you're doing too much, and that you need to put your pride to the side and ask for help. Stop acting like you're on your own when you have our parents, even our grandmother. You ne-" a loud banging on my door interrupted Janet. "Someone's at the door." I said. I walked to the door and looked through the peephole. No one there. I put the chain on the door and opened it. No one out there. As I was closing the door, I looked down to find a small black Moleskine notebook. I closed the door to take the chain off and retrieved the book.

"Sidney? Sidney, you there?" Janet yelled through the phone. I put the phone back to my ear. "Yeah, I'm still here. But I'm going to call you back. Someone left some notebook at my doorstep, I want to figure out whose it is." I informed her. "A notebook? Well do you know who would leave a notebook at your door? Are you sure you're not just trying to hang up because I hurt your feelings?" my sister asked. I had almost forgotten that she was trying to tear me a whole new one, that gave me even more reason to want to hang up. "No, someone really left a notebook. And no, I don't know who would leave it. That's why I'm hanging up. I'll talk to you tomorrow." I hung up before she could ask anymore questions.

I walked to the living room and examined the notebook. It was brand new, with the smooth leathery cover. The front had a post-it stuck on it. . .with my name on it. I pulled the elastic strap off the notebook and opened it to the first page. It was already written in. I looked at the first page and on it was a note in neat handwriting that read:

“If you're reading this, then that means you've found this notebook on your doorstep. You're probably confused, so let me help you. What if I told you that I know about your money problems? I happen to know you're in dire need of help, and I want to help. . .but for a price. On the next three pages, are three different tasks. Each a little more difficult than the last. What you will do is choose one of the three tasks, see it out, and get your money. Simple, right? Here's the catch, each task wins you a certain amount of money. The first task is worth $10,000. The second, $15,000. And lastly, the third is worth the full $20,000. It's up to you to choose. How desperate are you for the money you need? The next few choices you make will show us just how desperate you really are. When you've made your choice, circle it in the notebook and put it back on your doorstep. If you choose not to partake in this challenge, that's fine. Although, you know you don't have much of a choice. I'll be waiting.”

"What the hell?" I asked out loud. Who even was this? Why would they want to give me money? I turned the page and flipped through the three choices. As I read each one, my eyes grew wider in horror.

"Choice 1: Go to your closest friends house. Confront her about her “relationship issues”. Tell her how you believe she has no respect for herself, because she stays with her boyfriend, knowing he cheats. Knowing he’s not the boyfriend she needs. If you can’t get her to listen, you are to go to her boyfriend and break them up yourself. This task is worth $10,000.

Choice 2: Go to your parents house, and tell them the real reason why you never visit them or ask them for help. Let them know how you really feel about them. How you despise them for treating you like you come in second to your older sister. After that you are to tell them that you never want to see them again. This task is worth $15,000.

Choice 3: You go to your sister’s rehearsal dinner tomorrow. I know you’re making a speech for that night. Instead of your speech, tell everyone there about the years of unfaithfulness she’s been keeping hidden from her fiance. Tell them all about her wild college years. How she did all her dirt there, because she knew she could get away with it. STOP THAT WEDDING. This challenge is worth the full $20,000."

I tossed the notebook. Who would do this? Surely, they didn’t think I’d actually do this just because I need money? I went and sat down, staring at the notebook on the floor. I couldn’t. Little did I know, the next two calls I got were going to be what changed my mind. The first call was from my landlord. He yelled at me about the rent, and threatened to kick me out in 2 days if I didn’t give him the $19,000 by then. The next call was from my art group. They were going to give my spot away if I didn’t give them their $1,000, the same exact day my landlord will kick me out if I don’t give him his money. I break down. I realized, I had no choice. I was going to have to do one of these tasks. But which one?

I got up from the couch and picked up the book. I barely wanted to hold it, but I sucked it up. I flipped through the options again. The first two tasks would’ve been perfect, but they weren’t worth enough. Hurting my sister was out of the question. Even though she never really cared about my feelings. We had a love hate relationship, sometimes more hate than love, but it wasn’t enough to make me do this to her. My phone rang again. My sister. I picked up “Yeah?” “Hey, just reminding you about the rehearsal dinner tomorrow. Please don’t be late. Also, don’t forget your speech. Make sure it’s appropriate!” Of course she’d think I’d forget. Why did she have to mention the speech? “I didn’t. I’ll be there on time.” “Thank you. Oh, did you find out about the notebook?” Janet asked. I simply told her no and not to worry about it. Somehow we ended up arguing. We hung up furious at each other. I stared at the black notebook in anger. In what seemed like one moment, I got up to look for a pen, opened the book, circled my choice, and put the book back outside my door. One thing I wish I knew then that I know now: don’t make decisions out of spite. It can really mess you up.

* * * *

The next day felt like it went by in a flash. I had spent the whole day at home waiting to hear from the mysterious notebook. It showed up an hour before I had to leave. They explained that they’ll be watching me to make sure I follow through. I found myself standing in front of the restaurant preparing for my sister’s event. I walked in and greeted everyone. I avoided my parents the whole night. I couldn’t look them in the face, knowing what I was about to do. I was able to float through unbothered. Everything went smoothly, until it was finally time for my speech.

“And now,” one of my sister’s friend’s started. “A speech from the bride to be’s younger sister, Sidney.” She motioned for me to come up. I stood there at the head of the table and just stared at everyone. I took a deep breath and just let it out. “I know everyone is expecting me to talk so highly and happily of my sister on her special day. But I’m going to just. . .rip the band-aid right off. My sister shouldn’t be getting married. She doesn’t truly love her fiance. Ever since their junior year of high school all she would do is cheat on him with whoever she pleased. I watched her go all out during college. There’s a reason why she wanted you guys to go to separate colleges. My sister should call off the wedding. Her fiance should call it off. I’m sorry, Janet.” I finished my hurtful report and ran out.

When I got home the Moleskine notebook was back on my doorstep again. I picked it up and opened it. The previous pages were ripped out, but there was a new message inside.

“Congrats on completing your task. I know that wasn’t easy. But you’ve won your money. I’ll bring it tomorrow. Keep the notebook.”

I went inside, threw the book in the trash, and went to bed. I woke up the next morning to loud banging on the door. I get up to answer the door to find my sister standing there. “Morning, Sid. Did I wake you?” she said dryly. I didn’t want to do this right now, not when I knew the mystery person was coming today to deliver my earnings. “Hey, Janet. Yeah, you did, but it’s alright. Listen, I know we have a lot to talk about, but I can’t do this right now. I’m expecting company. Can I come by your place a little later?” I pleaded. “Oh don’t worry, I’ll be making this quick. You did the most unforgivable thing that anyone has ever done to me. I hope you die, and ro-” three hard knocks interrupted my sister writing me off. I tried to ignore it. “Are you going to get that?” Janet asked. “It’s fine.” I said quickly. My sister narrowed her eyes at me and ran to the door and opened it. I ran behind her and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw who was at the door.

“Oh! I wasn’t expecting this! Well, good morning to the both of you!” My sister’s now ex fiance, walked through the door. I sighed, it was just Dan. I’m safe. “What are YOU doing here? What’s going on here?” Janet asked angrily. “Oh, I had some. . .business with Sidney to tend to. Right Sid?” He turned to stare at me. Maybe I wasn’t as safe as I thought. That’s when it hit me. Dan, my sister’s ex fiance, was the one that planned this whole thing. “What is he talking about, Sidney?” my sister asked. I stood there speechless, I didn’t know where to begin. “Sidney might be a little confused herself, so I’ll explain for her.” Dan said.

“Well, your sister is always having money problems, and you finally had gotten caught in all your lies with your cheating, I came up with this. . .special deal for her. So I gave her a Moleskine notebook with three tasks in it to choose from, the last being the worst and worth the most, and told her to choose one and if she does it, she gets the money. I think you can guess which one Sid chose. I’m just here to drop off the money to her. Well, I did my part, and Sid did hers so I will be on my way.” Dan said smugly. He turned to me and handed me a white envelope and walked out the door.

I opened the envelope. $20,000, just like he promised. Janet turned to look at me. She had tears in her eyes. I had broken my sister. “Please tell me, he’s lying? Please tell me you didn’t do what he said you did.” She begged. I lowered my head and stared at the floor. She sat down and stared in disbelief. “Where is it?” asked Janet. I pointed to the trash can. She got up to find the book. I heard her rummaging through the trash. I heard her flipping through the book. “The pages. Where are they?” “He ripped the pages out. I don't know where they are.” I confessed. I refused to look up at her, I felt so bad. “I hope your $20,000 was worth all this.” Janet said breaking down. She threw the book across the room and stormed out, slamming the door behind her. “It wasn’t.” I whispered, even though I knew she couldn’t hear me. I was able to pay my rent and for my spot in the art club, my life was able to continue on. But because of that money and my pride and spitefulness, I haven’t seen or spoken to my sister since the day she walked out of my house that day.