Let's Just Kiss & Say Goodbye

"Wow, Priceless" If you knew me when I make my post or long text this expression is my signature statement. Which is so timely for the picture of me that my cousin crop for me. As, I write this story I reflect on my choices in my life which could have been a road of self destruction. However, 2020 became a year of Freedom from the statement "You just like your daddy" This should seem like a positive affirmation for me because so many children I worked with do hear this comment from angry single moms as demeaning. So, I am taking a stand against being like my daddy in the area of Rejection which led him to the what seems to be the richest place in earth "The Graveyard ". Think of it the grave has so many people who died with results from unhealthy relationships, unwritten books, songs, plays, ideas, inventions, unopen businesses and effects of self destructive habits.

So, Let me start with how Rejection of my Daddy telling my mom "She needs to kill me because he is married and already has a daughter" after her doctor visit revealed to her that the fears of having a tumor was me being hidden by the Creator God for five months. After this my dad began to do disappearing acts finally leaving me at 3 years old with only few weekend visits ending with him singing the inappropriate song from a daddy to his daughter "Let's Just Kiss & Say Goodbye " This gave me daddy issues where I sought love, acceptance and significance which lead to many unhealthy relationships and people pleasing that gave me a heart that was hard to received Real love from my Creator, Others and Self.

One thing that inspired me was that my daddy died pursuing the love of his father and loved ones it seems since childhood. This desire caused him to really go through challenging experiences that burned many bridges leaving him with his name changed similar to his father attempting to have some significance only to die without family in a group home located in his father hometown surround by only strangers whose only connection was the Mental Health System and It's Mindset . As, I reflect on his life journey and final days in 2012 the month of May now declared "My Triumph Training Time" for selfcare and service to help process lost and my birthday in a healthy way. There is a peace of me saying goodbye to Rejection and not being like my daddy. My dad acknowledged that my experiences and mindset was different from his which seem to give him hope with the freedom to be himself without fear and judgement.

There are many things I can celebrate from being rejected like my daddy that will be the catalyst for me to help many. First, It helped me to do self exploring of the root cause of why I do what I do and then find the answer of Freedom to love, learn, let go and live the life I was created for. I do appreciate the very small moments with my dad which taught me to love him and learn so much the effects of rejection had on me. I really understand as I write this that I hate being rejected. I let rejection before 2020 to stop me from experiencing the greater things in life only to surrender myself to be the victim and the oppressor of the belief that hurting people hurt people. This belief had me making excuses for unhealthy selfcare of my rights and responsibilities in many relationships that resulted in domestic violence.

What woke me up to the boldness to take back myself from the strong hold of being like my daddy. Actually, It was the real love of Jesus which gave me the love, acceptance and significance that sealed the truth of I am Enough regardless of my history and choices known or unknown. Who would of thought that experiencing the love of Jesus gave me purpose and the empowerment to be heal and face future Rejection. Finally, I understand that I am here not by mistake but for Triumph Training to let the world know that Jesus allows things good and bad to happen so we can help others. So, be encourage, explore and say good bye to the unhealthy choices of handling rejection because you can be used to make an impact for greater things for the glory of God.