Just the Beginning

Gloria was finally going home after the end of her second job. From 9am-5pm, she was a secretary at a small local law firm and from 10pm-12am, she cleaned offices at a large downtown building. Though tough, the jobs enabled her to provide for the people she loved the most in the world – her three teenage sons.

Approaching the small bungalow, she smiled when she saw the soft, glow shimmering through the white linen curtains. The boys always left the living room light on for her at night. She was able to raise her boys in this home and, thanks to her jobs, meet the monthly mortgage payment. Just a few more years and it would be paid off.

The three notes the boys wrote each night welcomed her home. One wrote, "Love you, Ma! Get some rest." Another wrote, "Dinner was great! Thank you!” And the third was simply a big heart.

She refolded the throw blanket on the sofa and straightened the remotes. Her glance went to the mantle, with the family pictures. The boys smiling through the stages of their childhoods. And then there was James, so tall, so handsome, holding his trumpet. Her mother must’ve been around Gloria’s age when she told her that even happy memories can make you sad.

They had married young, and she worked while he practiced for hours on his trumpet, until he had “chops.” Eventually, he was playing at local clubs and bars. Money was tight, but whatever he made, he brought home to her. He’d kiss her cheek, pat her butt, and say, “This is just the beginning, Baby – just the beginning.”

The boys came along quickly, all only 18 months apart: Thelonious, Miles, and Charlie. But even with a happy family, Gloria could sense James’ itchy feet. Their town wasn't big enough for his dreams. He started gigging on the road. It was hard for Gloria, with a job and three hungry boys, but she wanted James to succeed. At first, he’d be gone for the weekend, but the weekends stretched into Mondays, then Wednesdays, until one night he came home and told her he needed to be on the road full time. He assured her that he loved her and the boys, but this was something he had to do. He promised to send money, as often as possible.

And for a while, he did, but the envelopes with checks – and sometimes even cash – became fewer and fewer. Eventually, it became only Christmas and birthday gifts for her and the boys.

She peeked in on each of her sleeping boys.

In her bedroom, she went through her normal routine in front of her large mirror. Her warm, brown skin showed few signs of age, and her brown eyes were framed by her short curly hair.

Sometimes James would call her, telling her how a show went, or what he saw in a new town, or a new food he ate. He’d always end the call by saying, "I love you, Baby. Never stopped. Always will."

But Gloria was no fool. She knew there were women on the road, but she also knew that his trumpet was always the mistress in his heart, not any other woman.

Besides, many men had wanted to date her, but she kept busy with her jobs, her sons, and her church. Deep in heart, she had hope that James would return home.

Beauty ritual finished, she got into bed. Her eyes were heavy, but she never ended the day without one final ritual. She opened the night table drawer and took out her beloved black notebook. Even though it was old and its pages stiff, it held her most precious thoughts, ideas, and dreams. Some nights, she wrote long paragraphs about her day or about the boys; other nights, just a word or two. Her black notebook had been a part of her life ever since James disappeared on the road. All those years, all those memories – her life was in this black notebook. Tonight, she just wrote one word. "Someday."

Making breakfast for the boys the next morning, college was on her mind. Thelonious had already applied to several schools and was eagerly awaiting at least one acceptance letter. He had his heart set on becoming a lawyer. He had excellent grades, letters of recommendation from one of the lawyers at her office and his government teacher, but how would she pay for it? Loans? Scholarships? Miles was a Junior and a star basketball player. His grades weren't as good as his brother's but he tried hard to make B's and C's. And then there was her baby, Charlie, who had dreams of following in his father's footsteps and becoming a jazz musician. He had inherited his Daddy's talent and discipline, and his music teacher thought he could get a scholarship – if he kept his grades up and continued practicing.

She was shaken out of her thoughts with Thelonious’s morning kiss. "Good morning, Ma! How ya feelin' today?"

"Fine, Sweetheart, just fine!"

Miles then came in and kissed her cheek.

"Help me set the table, Miles."

And then Charlie entered, and he said the morning breakfast blessing – not before kissing her on the cheek. After breakfast, Gloria cleaned the kitchen, took the pork chops from the freezer for dinner, and caught the bus to her day job.

It was a busy day at the law office. Lots of briefs to file, lots of clients in and out. Before she knew it, it was 5 o'clock. She grabbed her things, said goodbye to her bosses, and ran towards her bus stop.

When she turned the corner, she saw Thelonious running towards her, with a huge smile on his face and an envelope in his hand. He must have gotten an acceptance letter!

"Ma!” He ran to Gloria and gave her a big hug. “Dad was here!"

"What are you talking about? Your dad’s on the road."

"No, Ma, he had a free day in his schedule and he wanted to see us. He came to the school and got us out and took us to lunch."

"Slow down, boy. What did he say? Why didn't he come to my office?"

"He said he didn't want to interrupt you at work. He brought us all gifts, Ma. He bought Charlie a new trumpet and gave Miles a pair of retro Jordans and got me the set of law books!”

What did he get me, she wanted to say, but Thelonious was still talking.

“He and the trio have been playing all over the country and they're going to Europe next month and then Japan after that. And he looked great!”

Europe? Japan? Gloria was still standing in the same spot, completely dumbfounded. She hadn't seen James in almost a year. He couldn’t come to the office?

“Theo, that’s wonderful. Let’s get going – it’s chops tonight.”

“I'll walk you home, Ma. But don't cook dinner tonight – we're all still full from lunch with Dad. Just take it easy before you have to go to work. "

Before her night job, Gloria closed the door to her room and laid on her bed. The tears came and she didn't try to stop them. She reached for her black notebook, but before she could start, there was a knock on her door.

"Come in", she called.

Thelonious popped his head in. "Sorry to disturb ya, Ma, but in all the excitement, I forgot to give you this.”

It was an envelope.

“Gotta go! I have a date!”

There was only her name on it, in James' unmistakable handwriting. She carefully opened it. A whiff of James's aftershave came out along with a note:

My Darling, My Gloria,

You have been the best wife and mother a man could ever ask for. Our boys are wonderful young men and that’s all you. I’ve been absent as father and husband, but you always pushed me to follow my dream and I did and it has come true. We are doing so good, baby, the trio is being sought after everywhere and we're going to Europe next month and Japan after that. I wanted to see the boys before I left and believe me, I wanted to see you too, but I was afraid that if I looked into those big soft eyes, I’d never want to leave. Believe one thing, Gloria, YOU are the love of my life. I love you, never stopped, always will.

Your James

PS Quit your second job and enjoy life a little.

Gloria unfolded two pieces of paper inside the envelope; one was the deed to the house, the mortgage was paid in full! The other was a check for $20,000, with a notation, "Thelonious College $"

The money from James led to a sleepless night. So many questions and no answers. Was this money to ease his conscience for not being here for her, for the boys? She reread the note for the 100th time and each time her irritation grew. James said she could now quit her night job. Who was he to tell her this?

Was this supposed to heal the years he missed for the splinters, the measles, the bloody noses, the broken arms? For missed ball games and concerts and homework? For the nights alone in bed or the mornings of starting being alone over again? For the resolve of never letting the boys see her sadness or stress?

She finally put James’ letter aside and flipped through the pages of her beloved notebook and glanced at some of her entries over the years:

June 20, Thelonious 10th birthday; card arrived from James with money, Thelonious was so excited, "Do you think Dad will make it for my party, Ma?" "I'm sure, he'll try, Sweetie" But he didn't.

January 10, Charles fell off the slide at school and broke his arm; had to leave work early to have his cast put on; tried to contact James.

December 15, Kids helped decorate the house and the tree. They are all hoping that James will be here for Christmas, but I refuse to get their hopes up.

April 8, Horrible day at work. I need James so much, but he's on the road; just a short text from him.

How could she have been so stupid? Almost every entry confirmed his absence in their lives and she allowed it, made excuses for it, lived with it for too many years!

Her black notebook not only held all of her past, it was now telling her what her future should be!

She threw the notebook on her bed.

It took two months to get everything the way she wanted. She consulted with a lawyer at her office and he handled it exactly how she wanted it handled. And she never told the boys what was going on until it was settled. In the end, James agreed to all her terms; she wanted the house to be put in her name, alone; she wanted a trust set up with the $20,000 for Thelonious' college and she wanted James to set up similar trusts for the other 2 boys. She was satisfied when it was done and proud that she had stood her ground.

The sun was shining through her bedroom blinds. She took her black notebook out of the drawer and wrote.

"It’s been too long. Thelonious passed his second semester exams. Charlie sent a postcard from Julliard. And darling Miles left for basketball camp in upstate NY."

She closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened them, a small drop of water dripped on a blank white page of the notebook. James had come out of the shower and he bent to kiss her cheek. "What are we doing today? Now that I'm retired, the world is our oyster! My CD is selling like hotcakes! This is just the beginning, Baby, just the beginning!" Gloria closed her notebook.