How Eminem Saved My Life

I remember when I listened to Eminem aka Marshall Mathers for the first time. I was ten years old. I found a cassette tape buried in the back of the medicine cabinet when I was bored one night. I decided to look through the cabinet that had old prescriptions, new prescriptions and various random items. I picked Eminem's cassette out from a pile of about 6 of them and got lucky that the whole Marshall Mathers LP was recorded onto the back and the front of the cassette; I had to switch sides by track 8.

As soon as "Kill You" came on my whole body had chills. The beat, the anger and seriousness in Eminem's voice. It was exhilarating. I connected with him so much because I was just as angry, it sounds morbid but I wanted my mom to die so I wouldn't have to worry about it happening anymore. Let's face it, she was a living dead soul and nothing I said or did would change it. Listening to the hatred in Eminem's lyrics gave me the outlet I needed to let go of all the pain and anguish I felt.

I loved that whole album, but another favourite hit has to be "The Way I am" I think the realness of this song hit me the most. Because I felt so isolated when I was growing up in a small town in Canada, my family was anything but the average with police coming nearly everyday one summer. It was down right embarrassing, and I didn't really even know it until around that same time I found the Eminem cassette.

It was my 10th birthday, one of the only birthday parties I had growing up as a kid. My aunt had made me an ice cream cake, and I felt like I was on top of the world. I invited 5 girls from my class and they all came. I was so happy because for once I felt like people actually saw me. I was worried about my mom drinking but after school my friends came over and we had pizza and played games.

It all seemed natural. My sister brought us kids upstairs and we continued to enjoy the evening doing a modeling show. I went downstairs and made sure the cake was coming and my mom said she would call up when it was warmed up enough to cut. I could hear the slur in my mothers voice developing while she yelled at her boyfriend. I always hoped the music we were playing drowned out their argument and the girls didn't hear. Of course sometime later the cake was half melted when I told my mom said it was time for cake and she could barely cut it. When the girls parents came, I answered the door as to try and hide my mother but she was unavoidable. Needless to say, when their parents realized how intoxicated my mother was my friends didn't come around again.

I felt like everyone was looking at me and that everyone knew about our issues and that I too finally saw how dysfunctional my family truly was. My mother couldn't for one night not drink and get entirely blind.

I wanted my mother to disappear and I wanted to get saved by my father whom I didn't meet until I was nearly 11 and learned why my mother saved us from even more damage from him and his schizophrenic mania.

Eminem saved my life. He helped me to feel less alone in the world and I could have courage knowing my family wasn't the only fucked up one on this planet.

After going in out of foster care my mother eventually started to abuse crack instead of drinking all day. Life only got worse for me as well...but Eminem was always there to help me drain away all my anger and pain from the rejection I felt from my mother.

I began writing at a young age to be able to help get out all the thoughts in my head that I couldn't say. I remember writing one song at around 11 years old called "Fuck You," i'll let the title explain itself.

I grew up feeling worthless and unloved and it's taken a long time for me to start learning how to love myself. Songs like "Lose Yourself" and "I'm Not Afraid" continue to motivate me to make something of myself and not let my past hold me back. My hardest days are convincing myself that I am good enough just to be able to make it the next.

So here's to all the outcasts and loners. You can do this, you are worthy, you are loved, or as Eminem says, "you can do anything you set your mind to man"