How Do You Want Your Legacy to Read?

Infidelity. Cheating. Unfaithfulness. No matter how you describe it … no matter who you are … no matter your social status … no matter your economic status, you feel stunned, disappointed, hurt, depressed, and angry.

For a minute, the betrayal does not feel real because you are numb. The current situation happening in your marriage is not how you pictured marriage would be.

It has been said affairs happen because sexual needs are not met.

That is not always true.

Per my ex, that was not our issue. Things can go well at home: but within the heart of a spouse, something is not going well—thinking is not going well.

One fact hard to accept is we can do nothing about how a person thinks, when that person is convinced the answer to issues at home is cheating.

My vision of married life was to be married once, raise children together, spoil grandchildren together, enjoy an empty nest together, age gracefully and travel together. I pictured a legacy of love handed down to our children. At family gatherings, we would share how we met, fell in love and be an example of what healthy love looks like to our children.

How will you be remembered?

As I looked for reasons to stay married, I thought of the children being without their dad. Will people criticize me for not doing like women who kept their families together regardless of an affair?

Will people say I made the right move to bring peace to the family? I thought about the inevitable reality of having one income. Will people refuse to help me saying I brought hardship on myself? I thought of family and friends who wished us well on our wedding day. I didn’t want to let them down.

They believed in us. I did too, but ...

When differences cannot be reconciled.

Cheating is said to be a selfish act because the last thought (if there is a thought at all) is how the affair will smear family legacy.

The first time I heard the phrase irreconcilable differences, I thought it only applied to Hollywood celebrities.

It is amazing how two civilized people can be uncivilized in the spasm of divorce. Well ... maybe, one may act civil.

However, when it comes to talking out differences, the person cheating may avoid being accountable by telling the spouse he or she is the reason for the affair. The volley of words begins. There is more interest in standing ground or being right than doing what is best to keep the family together.

What is the most valuable sacrifice in a divorce?

A lot of thoughts may come to mind; but nothing hits like family legacy.

In the aftermath of divorce, another question worth asking: was cheating worth the sacrifice?

The answer will depend on who believes they got the best benefit.

Family gatherings may be out of the question after a divorce. It is drama enough going through a divorce. The thought of dealing with snide remarks from family (including the ex) makes not going to cookouts more inviting.

Yes. Family is important. Some people say family is everything. If family is the cause of chaos in your life, why sacrifice your happiness to give the false image of a close family? Legacy.

Somehow, saving the family legacy is a strong incentive for those who go through years of setting aside their happiness to keep the family together.

Nevertheless, at the final gathering of family and people you met along life's journey, each person will have a memory of who you were to them or what they heard about you.

How do you want your legacy to read?