How do the sexes get along?

How do the sexes get along?

People often ask me, "What's it like to find a reliable man/woman? Is there true love, is there MRright, is the love sweet, is the marriage successful, is there a standard of judgment?"

In fact, the suitability of the two people in the relationship, the happiness of the love, the success of the marriage, is affected by a lot of factors, most of which are not visible to us except for a few things that we can see -- the invisible dynamic factors on the relationship. Many people enter into the relationship with the desire or the vision of love, However, there will always be arguments, cold wars, even cheating, and we will start to ask if we were wrong about this person in the first place, looking for this person who is not compatible with our personality, our personality is not suitable, or is it that we get along in the wrong way, lack of certain skills?

In fact, an intimate relationship is a unique kind of relationship in which we expect our relationship with our partner to be intimate, undifferentiated, fulfilling our psychological needs, and in which we feel secure. However, it is precisely because of this expectation that we are challenged.

We often choose our lovers based on their looks, temper, living habits, educational background and birth, and this matching is also in line with the love investment theory of love psychology. This is consistent with research from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology that suggests matching in this way maximizes the benefits for both partners.

However, in addition to the above factors, there are many more invisible factors we cannot see.

Because we come from different families and have different parenting styles, we have different growth experiences, different inner needs and different desires in love. Meanwhile, we have different understandings of money and so on. However, these invisible deep-seated factors can potentially affect the relationship between two people every moment.

In addition to the above factors, there are the following two:

1. Most people enter a relationship with trauma (not necessarily from a previous relationship).

For example, there is a girl who is always ignored at home, because she has an excellent sister above her, so she is very eager for her boyfriend to pay attention to her and want to get her boyfriend's attention, but to get others' attention, she needs to pay attention to others first, so she always keeps a close eye on her boyfriend, always hoping to stick together, so she often checks his mobile phone. Looking through the chat logs, the behavior was suffocating her boyfriend. And finally called it quits.

2. Two people are attracted to each other by initial traits that set the stage for future conflict.

You grew up in a very strict upbringing and a meticulous life, which makes you a little repressed, formal, and you may be more attracted to the casual, natural, uninhibited, with a hearty laugh, relaxed when you meet the opposite sex. But when you get together day and night and share common interests, the small freshness that once appeared in your eyes gradually evolves into too casual, forgetful and unreliable, making you feel that there is no way to get along.

Whether the external factors match, decide two people come together; Internal factors determine how far they can go;

Love brings young people the second opportunity for rapid and deep growth, to grow themselves, to interact with the opposite sex, to re-examine themselves, to discover the process of exploration, to examine themselves, to gain inner satisfaction, conflict dissatisfaction injury, solution and reflection unconsciously shape themselves. In psychology, there is an expert, put forward the goal of spiritual growth in the family, The hope is that the individual can achieve a state of personal independence. And what exactly is a state of independent personality? How do you do that?

He set four criteria for personality independence, including inner freedom, freedom, autonomy and confidence, so it can be said that the state of personality independence is basically achieved.